Vomit God #21: What I Do At Work

VOMIT GOD SPEAKS


Job, Labor, a rabbit. I need something to support my drug habits, so I work at a little hole in the wall, Mom and Pop corporate monolopy store called Ritz Camera. It's a fine job, and one that has it's benefits. It's a great place to find a source of anger, frustration, and resentment for humans. It's a great place to sit around and do nothing and get paid for it. Overall, it's a pretty strange job indeed. I stand around 20 minutes at a time with people who ask questions like, "Is this button the one that takes a picture", and I pretend I know what I'm doing. I also have to act like I like these people and pretend to be interested in stories about why their last camera broke. I have to listen to them whistle, groan, and try to make bargains when they find out the price of a camera. I have to hear stories of why they hate the camera I sold them when they return it the next day, and look at their shittily developed, out of focus pictures that they brought as examples.
You meet all kinds at Ritz. Here are some Rocks of Ritziness:

ME: "Thank you for calling Ritz Camera One Hour Photo..."
CUSTOMER: "Yes, do you do one hour photo?"

"How long does your one hour photo take?"

"Do you do one hour photo?" (Under a big neon sign that says ONE HOUR PHOTO)

"How come every time I press the rewind button, the film rewinds?"

"One time I turned in slide film, and I got slides back."

"This Advantix camera won't take my 35 mm film."

"Ah can't believe you sold me the wrong film! Why'd you sell me the wrong film!?"

(These are all actual quotes.)

But not all aspects of this job are bad. There's a hot survey lady who is quite shapely, and some hot bitches at the bank who'd I'd like to make a deposit in. However, the food court at my mall consists of five, yes, five oriental places to eat, not to mention a scary Greek place whose greasy, sweaty owner likes to ash his smokes into the food. I get a large mix of customers:

1)MEXICAN DRUGLORDS: One leader type with two lackeys, who wears 5,000 white suits with expensive cowboy boots. Likes to pay for thousands of dollars of merchandise with cash. A rarity, but a goody.

2)MEAN OLD PEOPLE: I've said it before and I'll say it again: old people don't like me. They usually bring in old pictures for restoration, and they get pissy and short with me. Oh well, I'd be mad if I wet my bed like a baby, too.

3)HOT ASIAN GIRLS: GOD DAMN!!! These are truly women to appreciate. Their eyes are slanted, so they already have some protection from my facial shots I'd like to give them! But seriously, their rare beauty is a nervous treat when it graces me.

4)GANGSTERS: I've never seen a gangster, or ghetto kid purchase anything more expensive than a disposable camera.

Other than that, there is the music issue at work. I lead the "Rock'n'Roll" crusade, while my co workers like the corporate dowsizing of techno. Be assured rock'n'roll will never die!

Well, that's it. I'm not a recluse!!


"If you're going to throw bottles at us, get next to the stage when you throw 'em!"
-Rat Scabies of The Damned.