Vomit God #5: TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT LIFE Part II (The Other 7 Things)

VOMIT GOD SPEAKS



...I'm back again, and I'm just as ornery as ever. Enough talk, more ranting. On with it!:

4)GIRLS: This isn't really a "hate", well, kinda sorta. Everytime I talk with a girl, the conversation always seems to revolve around their problems, particlarly the great evil know collectively as "men". I can only think of one solution to the "man" problem, and that's to stop complaining. If you put too much extra baggage on an airplane, it will most certainly crash. Of course you're going to end up with a stupid asshole if you try to escape your problems with alcohol, because EVERYONE ACTS STUPID WHEN THEY ARE DRUNK. I have one challenge to all the girls out there: PROVE ME WRONG. Oh, yeah, and on a related note, vaginas scare me. I'm afraid sharp teeth will grow out of it at any second, and the reason it bleeds every month is because it kills a cat because it needs to eat. Perhaps I'll write a larger article on the so called "fair sex" one day.

5) SAN DIEGO: This town fucking sucks. I've never seen such a large collection of shallow, conceited, conservative fuckers in my whole life. There's nothing to do except sit at home and jerk off. If a nuclear missle hit this town, I don't even think people would miss it. Blink-182 and Stone Temple Pilots came from here. Eddie Vedder was a San Diego native. Jewel pretty much sums up the entire shit assed coffee house crowd that lives here. The kids are either pathetic bums who skate around on the beach, or so called "counterculture" who hang around the Che Cafe and listen to terrible emo and experimental bands. The worst part is, when I visited other cities around SD, I found that they were "wanna-be San Diegos". The cancer of this town needs to be cut off, especially La Jolla. I will squeal with joy when I see the yuppie's LL Bean-clothed bodies be consumed by the fire of everlasting truth.

6)BOYS: Ok, I'll be truthful and fair at the same time: I can't stand my own sex, and I wish I was born a largemouth bass. Jealousy runs every male, and so does pride. Males live solely to compete with other males, and whoever has the most of whatever is considered the winner. Males smell, too. They think that their dicks are a weapon to gouge whatever helpless gash comes their way. I myself compete with other males, and not to sound "holier than thou" (like I have 1000 times before) but I do it just to see the worried looks on other male's faces. "Am I worth keeping alive?" That's the look I love.

I have an idea: whoever can prove me wrong, on anything, please send your arguments to beatitude6@hotmail.com I'll include your submissions in my next article, and depending on how right you are, I'll either make a fool of you or except my fate of wrongness. Deal? Deal. That's all for now. I'll write some other time, and wrap this thing up.