L is for Love

by Citizen L

Love- the plight of all folks our age from the Far East to the equally as far West. Emotions and hormones running rampant within our bodies giving way to that euphoria known as love. Being young and in love is great - you’ve got no substantial worries and can focus entirely on your romantic and sexual urges. Being older and in love is great too - you’ve got a solid career that you’ll have pretty much as long as you’re responsible, leaving you with weekends and weeknights to spend giving attention to your partner. Then comes us; we’ve got minimum wage jobs coupled with all the worries we could ever ask for - leaving us with just about no time at all.

The hippies can be quoted as saying it was possible to live off of love. Much like communists, however, hippies only had half the equation. Love goes nowhere without money, and money comes from jobs (or skillfully planned bank heists). In the beginning love can easily survive on a small amount of cash that any old job can provide. As time goes on, though, it becomes exponentially more expensive. You move from paying for dinner and club admission on Friday nights- to down payments on cars and houses and college for kids. So sure a simple job can work in the first stages of love, but as soon as it gets more serious you’re gonna need a lot more dough to fund it. The price of love goes up bi-monthly... your Jack in the Box Salary does not. Thus you send yourself off to college (or in the case of most of us, send ourselves off to community college). A world-class edumication in our sites for one reason and one reason alone: to be able to support our love addiction. "No problem!" you think, "I’ll just go to college AND have myself a nice little part time job." Once again I must bring in the communists to compare. This idea would be grand if you had say- a 48-hour day. But in those measly 24-hour days of ours we get stuck between a job and classes and effectively leave ourselves with 10 or so hours a week spread out through 7 days. About now is when the love of your life tells you that you’ve been dumped for the rich suburban kid who knows how to have fun and isn’t always working or at school. ... Gay, eh?
... And that isn’t all there is to love either.

All those money/job/career problems are of course assuming you’ve been able to hack your way through the dense foliage that is our population and find someone you’re compatible with. Many of us don’t have that and thus we must search, even if we don’t want to search we do it- it’s a primal subconscious thing that we cannot shake ourselves from. And sorry to tell you folks, but these days it isn’t as simple as running up behind the unsuspecting cave-woman who is washing her wares in the river. Take me for example:

I used to sit at home in the dimly lit room that I call my own and wonder to myself, 'Why can’t I find a girl like me?' For about 5 years of my life I asked myself this question- until a few nights ago it dawned on me. A 'girl like me' is sitting at home right now festering in her own filth, staring at month old soda cans on her desk, and thinking 'Why can’t I find a guy like me?' (Or perhaps, if she were REALLY a girl like me, she’d be thinking why shy couldn’t find a girl like her- which titillates me in numerous ways I won’t mention here!). So naturally to find a woman like myself I’d have to randomly break in to many households asking for their introverted non-social daughter who sits in the incandescent glow of her computer all hours of the day... Trust me, families HATE this.
So here I am, working 32 hours every week and taking 13 units in school, leaving me Tuesday nights free that I will undoubtedly spend looking at porn while I imagine in my mind what life might be like in a more perfect world (by more perfect I mean of course one where I’m getting laid).
I am left to wallow in my own shabby fantasies. Some guys have high hopes within their fantasies; two woman at once, orgies, women who are freaky beyond measurement-

None of that for me though... oh no, I’ve lost all motivation and now my fantasies are usually centered around the women who I visit that work the fast food windows of local drive through restaurants. In truth, they are paid 6.25 an hour to smile at idiots like me. In my dark fantasy world they give their smiles to me for free! And I drive around in my 'P-mobile' (the P stands for something, maybe Pimp? ... no... sadly, it’s Pedus) hitting up all the local drive through restaurants and flirting with the window women- For I AM the pimp of the late night drive through circuit- all shall fear me!


...


I leave you with some advice-- Love at our age isn’t worth it. Course we all knew that- but we strive for it nonetheless in our blind stupidity. I suggest more people jump from meaningless relationship to meaningless relationship having anonymous sex until you’re 25. Finally waking up one day in the filth of the orgy the night before with the painful realization that there’s still a gerbil in your ass- and you decide to find yourself a nice partner to settle down with. All in all, love stinks...

... but aint it grand!


P.S. -- If there are any women who have yet to enter the stage of anonymous meaningless sex, feel free to initiate some with me! ejones@citizenL.com