Vomit God #16: Five More Terrible Songs

VOMIT GOD SPEAKS


On September 11, 2001, America witnessed the worst atrocity committed on it's soils since the Battle of Antioch. I was pretty sad, too... sad that Pearl Jam wasn't on one of those planes! Yes, it's me, Vomit God! I'm back with 5 more terrible songs, and by God, if you don't agree wit me, then you should die! There are many more atrocities that happen upon the American public, like Creed, P. Diddy, and the Dixie Chicks! We must take action against these enemies, and the radio stations that harbor them! Join me as a nation, the nation of Good Taste! Behold! It's Five More Terrible Songs:

1) "RENEGADES OF FUNK" BY RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE: Here's a band that fights injustice and the money hungry rich companies that control America... by being signed to a money hungry rich record company! Oh, yeah, and I loved their performance at the Democratic national convention last year, too! What better way to send a message of peace then to have violent high school football players tear up Los Angeles in "Mosh pits," while the greater of the two evils, the Republican Party, get nothing! I would really love to believe that 80% of their profits go to getting Mumia Abdul Jamal out of jail, but I can see Zac De La Rocha in a mansion, sitting in a room full of money, with the lights dimmed, a joint in hand, and "I Wanna Get High" by Cypress Hill playing in the Background. I also got a kick of how they chose songs for their cover album. (They chose "revolutionary" songs." Thank Goodness this Wild Elephant got poached.

2) "JEREMY" BY PEARL JAM: Ah, Pearl Jam. I think of Pearl Jam as dressed down cock rock, like 95% of Grunge bands. The only difference is that Pearl Jam added hippie ethics to their overproduced caterwauling, hence them playing the Woodstock, er, I mean, Free Tibet concert. This song annoys me to no end, especially the part at the end where Fuhrer Vedder is going "AHH AHHH!!! AHH AHH!!" for 17 minutes. The stupid video was so hard to understand, too. Did that faggot Jeremy shoot his classmates, or himself. I don't know, but this song makes me want to "Go Columbine" myself.

3) "HIGHER" BY CREED: Hey, it's Pearl Jam! ??? No it's not!!! Yes it is!!! No it's not!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! I thought they passed a law against cloning! It seems that Creed, (Or as I call them, Crud.) has come out of Doctor X's lab with advanced sonic Christian powers! Man, when did religion become a fashion statement? I think this is a trick by the Catholic Church. They have made religion more accessible, just like the way Mom tricked you into eating your vegetables! Fuck that! I declare my own Holy War against these grungy Godmongers.

4)"CASHMERE" BY LED ZEPPLIN: Ok, the Beatles were overrated enough, but at least they didn't have 22 minute generic blues workouts on their albums, or a 10 minute excercise in chronic repetition syndrome like this song. Damn, those violins are annoying! Each note they play is like a gnome flossing my balls! I just don't see the point of having a band when you have the London Symphony Orchestra to do your shit!

5)"LIQUID DREAMS" BY O-TOWN: I have a good reason to hate this boy group: Jacob Underwood was in my business class in high school! He used to give me shit for various reasons, too! Now the scrawny fuck is rich, and all he has to do is sit back while people write songs for him! And just what does the "O" in O-Town stand for, anyway? Based on every member's visual allusion to homosexuality, you can only imagine. I'll see you on a street corner in two years, Jake. Remind me to give you a quarter.

Well, I'm tired now, and in memory of the WTC and Pentagon bombings, I think I'll stop here. Remember, there's a difference between music... And business. And if you don't know what it is, then I hear that Kevorkian needs business.