FAN MAIL!
The mail was last delivered on December 5th, 2002!
~newest letters at top~
READER REVIEW
Who can argue?
Vocephus reads and responds to your letters! Send all your thoughts and condolences to vocephus@vocephus.com. Please, no more cakes.
From: Cassidy
Subject: Hi... from a fan
Date: Tuesday November 26th, 2002
Okay, so I'm writing to you, as a fan, sorta. I don't know if I would exactly be classified as a fan or not. I read your works, and the works of your contemporaries on your page.
I enjoy reading them, but then I enjoy reading most things. I could go into specific opinions on individual pieces, but I can't say that I have been directly moved - other than to perhaps hit the back button on my browser to reload the directory - by any of the essays, although I have gotten my fair share of thoughts, inspiration, and laughs from them, so I suppose that does make me somewhat of a fan.
I did however, notice something that struck me as curious. You have stopped submitting for your web page.
I was curious about this, because I particularly have enjoyed your pieces. Without intent to pry or offend, why have you stopped submitting? I should very much like to hope that you are still writing.
Feel free to ignore this, or reply as you see fit.
I enjoyed your recent update and state of the world address, and look forward to more updates in the future.
~ Casidy
Dear Cassidy,
Finally! A puff letter for yours truly! Thank you for your thoughts, Cassidy, but I might mention that even though my official article submissions for the site are few, everything else you see on this site is created by me. The Photo Plays (a fan favorite), the Vox Libs (a not-so-fan favorite) and Sign Out (an idea whose time has not yet come) are all Vox creations. There's also Keep Watching The Screens, this fan mail page, and of course the front page updates themselves...these things don't write themselves, ya know! (Though my brain works at such an advanced level, it nearly seems like the words just spill out of my head and onto the keyboard.)
And don't feel bad...most people don't know if they are fans of the site or not. Our only confirmed fan is our own Raphael the Contradiction, who thinks the site is "pretty cool."
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From: Web Whiz Tommy
Subject: This goes in the fan mail section
Date: Saturday August 31st, 2002
It's me again, the guy who wrote the first fan letter you've ever recieved. By writing that simple little email, I opened a door for future fan mail that you love to get...probably. That was over a year ago, and you may be thinking that I don't visit regularly anymore. Well, I admit that's true, but only because updates are becoming sparse. I began to lose interest. My point: Get your staff writing! Use whips, delicious cakes, whatever you can to motivate them!
Sincerely, one of your faithful four readers.
Dear Tommy,
It's great to hear back from our first official fan (other than mom) over a year after the very first fan letter that indeed spawned this section. As much as I'd like to blame the staff (and almost decided to do it) I cannot lie, and must take full responsibility for the lack of action around the WOV these days. Between the sluggish economy and constant threat of terrorist attacks, it has been quite difficult to carry on with life as usual, as you must know. Why, it seems like only yesterday I could walk outside without having to worry about inhaling deadly airborne Small Pox or Agent Orange. And thanks to this damned Bush Economy, simple day to day living has become a overwhelming struggle. Do you realize that I ordred Get A Life Volume 2 on DVD over three months ago, and Sam Goody still hasn't recieved it? And to make matters worse, neither Barnes & Noble, Music Trader or Old Navy have returned my calls regarding my applications.
Try running a wildly popular, hipster-chic website on top of all of that! Yes my freinds, these are indeed dark times.
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From: Anne
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Thursday July 11th, 2002
hey! dont have much to say, but your site is awesome!! its better than a lot of sites ive visited. and, oh yeah.... mike... your dead sexy!!! love you babe!
anne
Anne,
At first I was pleased with your very blatant puff letter, until the obligatory "shout-out" to Mike. Granted, while Mike is our resident lady-killer (acquitted) it would be nice to butter up the webmaster's fragile ego while your at it. I need to be told I'm beautiful too, ya know.
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From: Rade Zone
Subject: hey a cool website! i dont understand it, but i like it nonetheless
Date: Saturday June 22nd, 2002
vox and cox and xylofluff;
hello from Rade-land! i enjoy ur website grte3atlyu and wish i were back on the road, lest i killk something here in sinnest ciyty.....i havent dun much websurfing cuz the compuiuter gives nme head aches...niow i ues an lcd screen at unlv that duznt give out so much mind killing rays....i like to 6think in some small weay ive influenced ur style somehow, and that gives me great proide....keep it goin on and hope to see uya soon
the rade mein
Radeland, usea
While I can admit that the comic stylings of infamous street performer Rade Zone have indeed influenced a great many of us who have witnessed them, the correct spelling and grammar remain a Vocephus trademark!
Good to hear from you, Rade! I still maintain that your Star Trek bit is funnier than anything on this website.
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From: Princess Lia
Subject: Greetings Vocephus
Date: Wednesday May 15th, 2002
Hey Vox,
I just checked out your world and I like it. And I would like to make a comment about your article "Tax Time". It is time to admit to my irresponsibility. I am a tax evader. I have not paid them yet, and I don't suppose that I will soon. So if one day I disappear and you see me no longer, you'll know where to find me. But my vision of incarceration is a little more like being stuck in bad prison porn from the 80's. It could be worse I guess. Oh , and just a little side note, I saw you guys downtown on Halloween. Pure genius! I loved it! That costume competition would have been yours all the way. Anyways keep up the good work, you've gained another fan.
Keep Rockin'
Lia D.
Dear Lia,
Wow...you love the site, you recognize my genius, and actually read one of my articles. Could this be the perfect fan letter? Perhaps a hot and sexy picture would put it right over the top. WHY YES...YES IT WOULD!!
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From: Yellowber
Subject: Hot Alicia
Date: Saturday Mar 23rd, 2002
I just wanted to write to say that I read your poem about John Lennon, and
your cocktease article, as well as, some of your other stuff. I want to say
that you are brilliant. That you fucking rock!!!! I want everyone to know
that you are a wonderful, gifted, talented writer and I am quite sure we
would get along quite well. You seem to be a type of person who is extremely
genuine, REAL and whole. This is a type of character that I do not get to see
much of these days. So, with no further ado-
WRITE ON, HOTTIE!!!!!
Yellowber,
Granted, most of these fan letters end up being fake, but this is the one I really believe came from a real fan. Thank you for your comments, and keep on reading!
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From: Creamy Center
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Wednesday Feb 20th, 2002
Dear L,
Although you've only written for the vocephus site twice, I just can't get enough of your beautiful words. They touch the deepest part of my soul. I feel closer to you everytime I read your article on Love. I wonder would could you love me, maybe if I was covered with powdered sugar or chocalate? And dressed as a big donut? Which would it be, please tell me so I might make your fantasy come true. Does L stand for Luscious? Lust? Maybe you should write about it?
Faithfully yours,
Creamy Center
Dear Creamy,
Please don't encourage the writers. It may cause them to send in more articles.
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From: Olga y LLuis
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Friday Feb 15th, 2002
Dear WOV,
Let me begin by saying that receiving an e-mail from me is like knawing on a shank of Heaven. Savor it and let the celestial juices run down your fingers.... and know that I will probably never take time out of my perfect existence to acknowledge your´s again.
For those of you that haven't met me, I feel for you and I think it only fair to introduce myself and put you out of your misery. I´m Sharah G. Truett, an aries with a passion for cajun cooking, long strolls on the beach, candelight dinners, and an occasional drunken knife fight. And right now, I am in Spain.
I´d like to see WOV become more internationally sensitive, so here is a spattering of observations about the differences between Espanolos and Americanos, from your European Counterpart.
In Spain, everyone calls everyone else "handsome" (in Spanish, though) They say, "Hello Handsome" and "How was your dinner, handsome?", even to the girls. In America, we call everyone else "Bee-otch" and "Shit-for-brains" In Spain, if you are 0-3 years old or over 60, you can pee in the street, or in the bushes, or next to nativity scenes, and you won´t get hasseled by la policia. In Spain, when you are 16 you can get drunk (on wine or beer), drive a motorcycle, and boast that you have already satisfied 102 women. In America, you can boast that you have already satisfied one woman, but probably no one will believe you. In America, if you are male, you cannot A. wear bun hugging jeans B. kiss your macho friends on the cheek, and C. be named Jordi, and still be considered a woman's man.
Well, thats all for now. I have to finish my paella before returning to the bull ring. Congrats on your WOV Valentine cards, they bring a new depth to the holiday. And tell that Jesus fellow in the photo op that I will be his Mary Magdalene any day!
Dear Olga y LLuis,
Thank you for your insights regarding Spanish/American relations. We should all endeavor to be more open to other countries' weird and bizarre rituals. For example, I hear in Rome, they do as the Romans do (which sounds like good times, let me tell you) and in Nevada they allow prostitution, which is just fine by me. Viva la foreigner! (Not the band.)
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From: Eater Of Pumpkins
Subject: Downfall
Date: Saturday Jan 26th, 2002
I'm sure you thought you saw the last of me didn't you Vocephus? Oh no, you will not see the last of me until I see the last of you. It is a shame that your cause crossed the paths of mine because we are very similar. The only difference is that you are weak, and I am strong. I find the demise of your comrades quite amusing. I could practically feel their quivering body parts. If Gandhi Mangler and Vomit God bow down to my return, others and eventually you will follow. Your forces are weakening and I'm sure you, Desservo and others will not hold for long. You have not heard the last of me, Farewell for now old foe!!!!!!!
EaterofPumpkins
Dear Sir Pumpkins,
I am at once baffled and amused that my newfound sworn enemy is a regular reader of this site. Although if I knew you had a website, I'd probably read it, too...so as to learn more about you, to more effectively dispatch you later. While I have lost two powerful allies, I am not afraid of you, nor whatever unspoken theat you might represent to me. As of current, the only harm you do me is subjecting me to your endless barrage of meandering emails. You sir, are about as sinister as a patch of ass hair.
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From: Lady Byrd
Subject: To Vox With Love
Date: Saturday Jan 19th, 2002
Bonjour, commet tallez vous? The entirety of you web site is the amplitude of my life! I would so love to have you seek all of my officiousness. All I have to say is for vocephus, I have a major crush, that I can not help it! I will meet you anywhere or any place, you just name it. Voulez, Vous coshe aveck moi, si soir! That sends trembles all throughout my body! Please respond, it is an exigency of dearth that I have you and all to my audiodidactic self.
Dear Lady,
Judging from the words I can understand, I'd say I have another secret admirer on my hands! I regret to inform you, however, that I've restricted myself from becoming entangled with any female who is not exorbitantly rich and/or a huge fan of French noir cinema. If you do happen to match this description, then we may have a bright future ahead of us. But let me warn you...you'll be forced to stay at home and allowed only to wear a thong, a pair of combat boots, and a saucey beret.
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From: Mare
Subject: (no subject)
Date: Thursday Nov 29th, 2001
Good job on the update. Like the Mr. Rogers world, and the newest cartoon. Vomit God wrote a very interesting article about the infumous people that happen to stumble into Ritz Camera. Keep it up all of you. Very interesting.
Yours Truely,
Lady Mare
Dear Mare,
Another satisfied customer! Thank you for your compliments on the site. Positive comments like these keep me from going over the brink of self loathing into the pit of insanity for at least...one...more...day...*
Keep on reading!
Love, Vox.
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From: Eater Of Pumpkins
Subject: The hour is mine!!!!!!!!!
Date: Wednesday Nov 14th, 2001
Oh Vocephus, you make a yet another terrible mistake. It has taken me, oh, many, many a millennium to find you. And now it is so. Don't be scared, oh no, embrace what you fear, take my tender hand and admit defeat. Yes, I know, I know we were put on this universe to be archenemies, but It is time you bow down unto me. Yes Vocephus, I am here and you have been warned. BEWARE MY WRATH.
Eater of Pumpkins
Dear Mr. Pumpkins (doesn't sound so threatening, eh?)
At long last, my iron clad grasp on...whatever it is I'm now forced to defend...has come to an end. Now then, down to the business of battle. Are we to wage war on an over the top super-villian scale, or will you just give me nasty glances and bump your shopping cart "accidentally" into mine when you see me at the store? Well, no matter...be it death ray or squirt gun, I take all threats of villainy seriously indeed. So until we meet again, foe, know ye this: I may seem to be a mild-mannered webmaster, but my middle name is Vicious.
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From: Regina Morris
Subject: your website
Date: Wednesday Nov 7th, 2001
I get that you are all freinds that have put this together, so i was wondering what is the romantic status between any of the writers ? My friend and I have a few gesses, but want to find out what you have to tell us. Please email me back with some ansers.
thank you,
Regina
Dear Regina,
We should have known it would be impossible to keep the steamy underbelly of the WOV a secret for too long. We're the internet equivalent to Fleetwood Mac. Since you've clearly seen through our attempts at secret romance, I might as well confirm what you must already know.
Ever since the female essence was spritzed all over the WOV like so much overpriced floral mist, there has been much jiggy to get wit indeed. Raphael and Socrates have both got eyes for Hot Alicia, but those big eyes can only see Vomit God. The V.G., however, has no interest in H.A., due to her lack of chess skills. Dr. Cox thinks Ginger is "da shiznit" and "booty-licious", but is too shy to say anything. Ginger, while admiring Robotika for his poetic mastery, is known to stay out late partying with Drunken Dwarf. The Mike also digs Ginger, mostly because she doesn't live in the same state as he does. Both girls dig Kaiser, although he's too immersed in WWII era Communist propaganda to notice. Gandhi Mangler, an ordained Catholic priest, has sworn a lifetime of celibacy (although quothe the Mangler, "If you'll read it, you'll see that the Bible features prostitutes all the time. If that's not an endorsement, I don't know what is.") As for Ogre...well, I'm told that the Ogre Package has made more than it's fair share of appearances to frightened young girls in at least two countries that we know of. Everybody loves me, but the only person I devote all my loving attention to is...well, myself. (And because she reads the site now, I REALLY LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND DAX! That ought to save me...)
And nobody likes Desservo. Not even his mother.
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From: Megan Byrne
Subject: Do you come with the camera?
Date: Saturday Nov 3rd, 2001
So I checked out your web site. It was more than I could have ever hoped for. Maybe someday I will be able to create something as great as you have. But for today I have to go collect seaweed. Don't ask questions, its a top secret mission. talk to you later!
Megan
Dear Megan,
I'm glad the site exeeded your expectations. I too, could not have hoped for any better. Besides, whenever I do hope for any better, I get something from Desservo in my inbox. How's that for dissapointment? Also, good luck with your seaweed...if that's what the kids are calling it these days.
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From: Tommy Thomas
Subject: URGENT REPLY NEEDED
Date: Thrusday Oct 18th, 2001
ATTN;CEO/President
Dear Vocephus
Greetings I came across your contact information in my search for a trustworthy investment partner. I have what it is most businesses or individuals need ( Funds) but lack what it takes to put it into good use and the proper investment environment. I am Tommy Thomas, formerly a diamond trader in Sierra Leone. Before the onset of the war in 1991, I was doing pretty well with my own diamond mining concession. During the war, I still continued with the Diamond Trade and became very successful. In 1998, my minefields were among those seceded to the RUF in a hastily brokered peace treaty. I refused to give up my source of income and in the ensuing melee that followed, I lost sight in my left eye as well as my wife and two children in the OPERATION NO LIVING THING embarked upon by the Fonday Sankoh - led Revolutionary United Front. I hid my cache of diamonds in a farm pending a period when I could return and escaped into Liberia with my only surviving child.
During the ceasefire, I managed to return and retrieve these diamonds as well as a large amount of cash I had buried in the Cemetery inside a coffin in my family tomb. After the sales of the diamonds through a middleman, I have a total of over US$16 Million in cash. Now, I intend settling in a Western Nation but I will need this money in order to do that. These funds can be transported through special courier either to Belgium or London, using the same Diamond Trade Route (this route is how Sierra Leonan Diamonds end up in Europe and other countries) but I would need a partner I can trust who will be able to receive these funds on our behalf either for banking or investment. Are you that person?
I do not have any travel documents yet because of my refugee status or I would have gone myself. If you are willing to receive these funds on my behalf kindly indicate in your response, so I can set machineries in motion to begin the shipment and also preparations for my son and I to get travel documents. I am offering you 10% of the total sum as well as a 50% of profits from any business venture we go into.
I await your favorable response,
Mr Tommy Thomas
Dear Mr. Thomas,
I really love getting e-mail, and your letter is no exception. However, the world of money laundering and diamond smuggling sounds far too lucrative for my tastes. I'll stick to collectiing vinyl LP's and getting kicked out of restaurants, if it's all the same to you.
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From: Dax
Subject: I had nothing better to do
Date: Monday Oct 15th, 2001
Hello boys of WoV. I had been very pleased with myself for being one of the few not to read the site but I must say I finally gave into the peer pressure. I never knew how talented you boys really are. I love the wit of my Vox. Even though I am yet to be mentioned on the page, I must say I enjoyed reading. Kaiser, you are a bizarre little man, and good luck on becoming a zombie. If you need any help you know how to get a hold of me. Raphael, I truly enjoyed leaning how to write for the site and maybe one day Vox will let me write my own article. Vomit God, I was able read the Bill Cosby plays and well I must say I have never thought of him in that way, but hey whatever floats the preverbal boat. Drunken Dwarf, my little buddy how the hell do you find those chat rooms. I mean come on some of those people had to be fake. I though we shot people that ignorant. Ogre, I have no clue why the teacher wouldn’t grade your essay “Letter to Future Wife.” I found it very funny, and not that much of it was offensive. I would give it an A+ hands down. Dr. Cox Robotika, what can I say, a true poet at heart. I enjoyed all of your poems. A little outlandish but they are you through and through. Dear Desservo… sweet boy, I hope to god that you never open a toy store. Although if you do I really want one of the Ike Turner action figures with Bitch-Slap-Action Kung Fu Arms. Last but not least Gandhi Mangler, although I do not know you personally I really do enjoy your articles. I know I will never be going to Altoona, Pennsylvania (thank god). There is nothing worse in life then being stuck with red necks. Well to end this way to long letter, I would like to say keep up the good work boys. Maybe one day my name will be up there with yours.
Good luck,
Dax
Dear Dax,
I never realized there was any peer pressure to read the site. If that's the case, then I can infer from the hit counter that there are a lot of non-conformists on the web. Good for you people...I think.
Conform to non-conformity! Read the WORLD OF VOCEPHUS! Yeah.
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From: Baden Allen
Subject: Fan Mail
Date: Tuesday Oct 9th, 2001
Hey!
i'm not too sure how i ended up at your site, i was at some kind of a message board i think and i clicked on a picture of that strange talking baby off that cartoon Family Guy and here i ended up.
must be fate or something, i thought it was pretty cool, once i'd turned the brightness and contrast thingie on my screen down (seriousally, that neon green/blue thing is pretty harsh).
so i just thought id write to say good shit!. keep up the good work, oh and "That'll put the 'penis' in 'happiness'." is the funniest thing ive heard all week.
Cheers
Baden
Dear Baden,
Accidents will happen, and in this case it was a happy thing for both of us. You found the best site on the internet, and I got another fan letter to further prove that point! I'm glad you thought the 'penis' quote was funny...now if you could explain to my mother why that's funny, that'd be awesome.
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From: Alicia Dufay
Subject: Vocephus
Date: Tuesday Sep 18th, 2001
Hey, I figured I would check out your site. Thanks for the address. I have a question. Where is Vocephus' staff page? A little more info on that would be appreciated, also, you have a few typos on your 'rocks of randomness' page. At least I think they are typos, or otherwise some of those saying really make no sense. Thanks for your help with the camera stuff this afternoon. Talk to you later, Alicia
Dear Hot Alicia,
A staff page is an idea that has existed as long as the staff has. Problem is, we can't decide on how to do it; a short interview, a bio, stats, measurements...maybe all of that. As for the Rocks not making sense...well, they are random. And yes, now you know which side of the camera to look through. Glad to have cleared that up.
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From: sumdumgirl twothousand
Subject: fan mail
Date: Tuesday Sep 18th, 2001
I don't quite get it.
Dear Girl,
Ah...to be misunderstood in one's own time. It is the plight of true genius. However, a mirror site translated entirely in ebonics is currenty in the works. Tru dat.
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From: Melinda Dougherty
Subject:
Date: Saturday Sep 8th, 2001
hi kids...
I must say I'm very impressed with the site, It definitely beats reading my latest email about penis enlargement I hope your doing well and have many more secret admirer letters to come. call me sometime, good luck at school
melinda
Dear Melinda,
One e-mail with an invitation to call you is better than three or four secret admirer letters! Ooooh, yeah!
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From: Tara
Subject: I'm here don't bitch anymore
Date: Thrusday Sep 6th, 2001
Ok, now I'm here and you can't yell at me for not visiting or (accidentally) leaving your web address on the counter at work. Anywho fab site, nice links. And also thank you for the hair compliment. I worked real hard shampooing it just so you would say something. ok I lied. I'll see you on Friday at work, and hey you were only 7 minutes late today, good for you!
TARA
Dear Tara,
Thanks for checking the site out! I all but had to come over and type the address in for you to get you here, but we're glad you came. And about your hair, yes...you sure do have a lot of it. No one can deny you that.
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From: lord crab
Subject: hi
Date: Saturday Aug 18th, 2001
Hi. You don't know who I am but I know who you are. I see you a lot and I would really like to get to know you. I got your e-mail address from one of your friends but I can't tell you who. I think your really cute. See I'm really shy and this is the only way I could come out and tell you. I see you at work all the time. I wish I could just get up the nerve and walk in to Ritz and talk to you. But sad to say I can't. You are way too good for me. I just want to e-mail you and ask you if you had a girlfriend? If you do have one...will you leave her for me? Please! Please e-mail me back. I really want to talk to you sometime.
Love,
The Shy Girl
Dear Shy Girl,
First I must congradulate you on being my first secret admirer and/or stalker! (Of the female variety, that is...I assume.) This is indeed very flattering and intriguing. You sound very sweet...and you think I'm cute? You have obvious taste and class right off. And as for me being way too good for you--that may very well be true, but we don't have to let that get in the way. How about the next time your near my work, come in without saying who you are. Pretend to be interested in a camera, and identify yourself using the following secret phrase: Do you come with the camera? (wink seductively) Then I suppose we make babies after that. Yeah!
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From: Sharah Truett
Subject: I am a 78 year old woman...
Date: Monday Aug 6th, 2001
Dear WOV,
I am a 78 year old woman from the Descanso area. I happened upon your webite while browsing for lesbian porn. You see, my youngest grandson is going off to college and I wanted to print him out some nudey pictures to pin up on the wall of his dorm, so that he doesn't feel inadequate. I would like to congradulate you boys on a gala website. Why, it's finer than sliced bread and almost up to par with bottled milk. But I've strayed from my topic of conversation. I've spent the majority of my life traveling the world and picking up unusual knicknacks. My favorites include a cloak of invisibility, a brown sack lunch once owned by LeeLee Sobieski, and a cunning mina bird that sings that catchy tune "I Touch Myself" in a beautiful mezzo soprano voice. However, my most treasured of all possessions are half a dozen 22 year old females from Lapland. THey are mild-mannered, lovely and in desperate need of greencards. They require no water and if food is scarce, can live quite contentedly on leather soled moccasins (just tell them it's reindeer meat). Anyway, this brings me to my, shall we say, proposition, which, in order to add to the mystery and to escape the notice of the authorities, I have decided to call Operation the Virgin Suicides. Actually, scratch that. Let's just call it my, shall we say, proposition. You see, I am 446 lbs. and a heavy smoker. As you can imagine, with my kind of lifestyle, it's important to have a reliable air conditioner. I have recently become alarmed by all this talk of rolling blackouts. And besides that, I am tired of dishing out my social security check to those money-grubbing-whore-bangers at SDGE. So in a drastic move, I unplugged my wind generator and hooked the motor up to a bicycle. Heres where you come in. I've noticed that the contributors to this website are all strapping young lads, and judging by the amount of time and effort spent upkeeping this website, you are all most likely single. I am willing to offer you each one beautiful Finnish girl in exchange for you coming to my apartment and pedaling for 2 hours a week during the hottest summer months. If you are interested in my, shall we say, proposition, or would like to hear more about my travels, please contact me at doesntlikehorses@yahoo.com and ask for Limki. Do hurry, these girls won't remain virgins forever.
Sharah,
I thank you for your compliments regarding the site, and am both perplexed and honored that you happened upon it while searching for porn. It's good to know your demographic. As for your offer, I would love to count the entire staff in on it, but there would have to be some alcohol involved for Drunken Dwarf, and I'm sure Vomit God has some beef or another with the Finns. Best of luck, however, and I wish you continued enjoyment of the site.
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*THE FIRST FAN LETTER!*
From: Web Whiz Tommy
Subject: Fan Mail
Date: Friday Jul 20th, 2001
I love your site. You need to update it more. I come to it everyday to read the wit of Raphael and Vomit God...
Dear Tommy,
Thanks for the letter! It was truly refreshing to find that I'm not the only one that visits the site daily. As for updating, it should happen more frequently, now that the new site layout is in place. As for the wit of Raphael and Vomit God, there's nothing I can do about that. Sorry.
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