The Mike Files #17

by Micheal Castleberry

The 27th of January, in the year of our Lord, 2002.

Holy Wars: Return of the Dubya


It is a time of turmoil... George W. Bush has gone to Camp David, to train with the strange master, Ronald Regan, to better fight the forces of Darkness, led by Osama Bin Laden.

Meanwhile, Colin Powell, has begun the final assult on the afgan forces, but things are not what they seem.....

Scene one: Entrance To Bin Laden's cave

::the desert winds howl as Colin Powell readies his troops, while the sun begins to set, Powell draws his coat tightly around him::

CP: It's quiet... almost too quiet, I hope this goes according to plan...
Solidier one: Bin Laden won't know what hit him... this will be glorious...
::Colin frowns:: I hope your right... ok, lets start the march in.......

::fade out::

Scene Two: Inside Bin Laden's lair

:: the "emperor's music" from star wars cues up, as we see a bearded figure sitting in a control room, eyeballing a monitor::

Bin laden: The fools... soon they will find out the power of my fully functional war machine... the infidels will soon fall to the power of The Taliban....

::presses a button on his seat::
Commander... you may fire when ready.....

Scene 3: The battle of Afganistan

::The United Nations, along with the Nortern Alliance begin their charges, when small holes open up on the outside of the caves, a white gas begins to spray forth, decending upon the hapless forces::

CP: ANTHRAX!!! This thing is operational.... fall back! fall back!!

::one by one, the soldiers fall coughing violently, as the Al-Quieda storm troopers emerge, opening fire::

CP:It was a trap! We're done for..... ::begins to cough, and falls::

Scene 4: Camp David

::W. begins to load up his plane, despite Reagan's advice::

Reagan: You have not completed your training, this is a dangerous time for you... you will be tempted by the dark side. You cannot go!

George W: And let my friends die?

Reagan:If you honor what they fight for... yes

George:I can't do that Master... this must end.

::the spectre of Dick Cheney appears::

Dick:George, listen to reason...

George:Dick? you're not dead!

Dick:I just had another heart attack about five minutes ago and am having an out of body experience...

George:oh....... listen Dick, I have to do this

Dick:Know this, I cannot help you...

George: I know..... I will come back one day, I promise

::jumps into his plane, and takes off::

Dick: That boy was out last hope...

Reagan:No, there is another......

Dick:You mean Jeb?

::Reagan nods slowly, as we fade out::

Scene 5: The battle of Afganistan

::we fade in once more, as Al-Queda has over run the Northen Alliance, defeat seems almost certain, Colin Powell lies on the sand, looking into the night sky as an object approaches.... a soldier shouts...::

Soldier: IT'S AIR FORCE ONE!!!!!

CP: And It's packing some heat.... GO DUBYA!!!!

::Al Queda begins to retreat under the barrage of machine gun fire and patriot missiles from the souped up ship, when a black fighter emerges, locking on to it...::

Bin Laden: I have you now.....

::suddenly a fighter roars from out of no where, guns blazing, striking the fighter, and sending it hurtling into the desert::

Voice:Yeeee Hawwww!!!!

::W. Blinks and realises who it is::

W:DAD!!! When did you get here...

George Sr. This is just like WW2,you're all clear kid, now lets blow this joint and go home!!!

::W focuses, and unleashes two patriot missiles, that glide perfectly into a cave, starting a chain reaction.... a tremendous explosion rocks the mountain side, raining rubble on to the northern alliance fighters, who cheer wildly...... W. then sets his ship down in the desert::

I'll be back soon, theres something I need to finish......

Scene 6: The final confrontation

::George W. emerges from Air Force One beside a smoldering wreckage, when he turns to see a dark figure awaiting him::

Bin laden: the force is strong with you... but you are not a president
yet...

::W. turns, and rushes Bin Laden, as the two engage in a mighty fist fight... the silence of night is shattered by their earth shattering blows, when W. is forced on to his back... Bin Laden stands above him::

Bin Laden:You are beaten, it is useless to resist.... JIHAD JIHAD!!!

::W. calms himself::

W:Well, guess I have to do this like I used to back home... we have a saying there you know...

::suddenly his foot shoots up, cracking Bin Laden in the testicles, rendering him incapacitated, W. Leaps up, drawing a revolver from his belt, firing a single round into Bin Laden's skull, spraying blood onto the desert floor, his bodies slumps, then falls silently into the sand::

W:Don't mess with Texas......

::The camera fades out::

Scene 7:Washington D.C.

::the national anthem plays, as George W. Bush stands with his friends, as they celebrate their victory, W. still holds his gun, a very familiar model when a familiar black man approaches him::

W:Billy Dee Williams, what're you doing here?

::Williams looks down at the gun::

Williams: Colt 45, gets em every time!!!

::the whole gang laughes as the camera cuts to the credits::

Holy Wars: Return of the Dubya

This has been a Michael Castleberry production

Filmed at Vocephus Studios, Spring Valley, CA

Special thanks to Vox Vocephus and L.

Dedicated to Nerin Gonzalez, and the good ol' USA

copyright WOV, 2001