Rocks of Randomness

If someone says something wise or profound, or it has some relevance or importance, it's often referred to as a pearl of wisdom. However, sometimes they're neither pearls, nor are they in any way wise. They're simply...


Rocks of Randomness



"Hey, it's a free country, isn't it? I forgot about that!" - Raphael

"One day I hope to be in on the great cosmic joke that is my life." - Vocephus

"You know what you need to do? You need to die." - Raphael

"Of course people with lots of money are stupid. At least that's what I'm banking on." - Vocephus

"I will NOT eat a turd." - Vomit God

"Sometimes the best defense, is not to offend...and you sir, have poor defense tactics!" - Kane Hodder

"I had to pee outside in the rain, seroiusly." - Vomit God

"I have much better things to do with my time...like smoke cigarettes and drink soda." Vinnie Spagolia

"My name is Kane Hodder...love is my game." - Kane Hodder

"That'll put the 'penis' in 'happiness'." - Vocephus

"I've learned drugs are only as entertaining as the person on them." - Raphael

"I guess most people I know have similar porn archives...I myself never got around to making one. Aside from the 10 pics of a girl I used to pose as when cybering in chat rooms." - Vocephus

"But it's not my fault I'm concieted. I'm just great anyway, so why can't I feel good about it?" - Vocephus

"People do envy us to the point that they cannot speak about it. So much so that they cannot even stand our sight." - Gandhi Mangler

"It's my theory that there's a branch of the government that takes the tax money collected from the sales of anarchy stickers, and other anti-establishment memorabilia, changes it into coins, and goes around beating kids up with sacks full of the stuff." - Vocephus

"Damn Christmas...more trouble than it's worth. It needs saving almost every year." - Vocephus

"No one ever bothered to save Oakland's MC Hammer day." - Beef Lenin

"WHY MUST I BE AN OGHAR!" - Ogre

"I learned to live with little and thereby lost ambition." - Ghandi Mangler

"C'mon, any guitarist proud of writing a punk song, is like a chef proud of making mac and cheese." - The Mike

"Punk's not dead." - Simon Tam

"I can tell you with no uncertainty that I will never, ever, ever, watch Gleaming the Cube ever again. And you can quote me on that." - Beef Lenin

"I have to go to breakfast tomorrow and that means breakfast in the morning, and I haven't seen moring in months." - Raphael

"There was a lot of good one time songs in the 80s. Way too many if you ask me." - Ogre

"And who is Mike, with his Mechanics? Probably a wierd metaphor, for a tribe of dwarfs, who fix cars in the night, like Robin Hoods fix the cars for the poor. 'Steal the parts from the rich, and fix the cars for the poors,' was their motto I bet. I bet it took three of them just to get to pull down a lug nut wrench to get off a tire. That'd rock to watch." - Ogre

"It turns out that copious ammounts of budget brand diet soda makes one immortal." - Kaiser

"On a scale of one to ten, I gave that movie a rating of Eurotrash." - Raphael

"Sure tens of thousands of dollars of dept seems menacing,but, the way things are going, I won't be alive to pay it back." - Gandhi Mangler

"Show me a big dick, and I'll show you the harpoon Ahab used on Moby Dick." - Vomit God

"F*cking Mexican airport baggage handlers THEY DIE! THEY DIE AND GO TO HELL! DO NOT PASS GO! DO NOT COLLECT 200 HUNDRED F*CKING PESOS!" - Ogre

"So between 8 dollars and a loogie in the face I'll take the loogie." - Vocephus

"We all know women belong barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, making me pie, but thats beside the point." - The Mike

"I hate it when I get confused for someones messiah." - Kaiser

"Yeah sure we can take my car just let me get some stuff out of it, hold on, don't get in yet...JESUS
CHRIST mother f*ckers could you have waited one minute I still have sh*t I needed to move." - Raphael

"Okay you got me. This is all a scam. But a scam that could SAVE YOU THOUSANDS!" - Kane Hodder

"Find your family and rape you wife while your daughter watches! Then I will burn your town and have BBQ" - Ogre

"I can't stand my own sex, I wish I was born a largemouth bass" - Vomit God

"Yo rio a Anthony's Fish Grotto!" - Beef Lenin

"After seeing Ghostbusters II in theaters, I thought it was the best movie I had ever seen. Obviously, I hadn't seen very many movies by that point." - Vocpehus

"That's right off the bat of human stupidity!" - Agent N

"My life has been a series of trial and error...lots and lots of error." - Vocephus

"Love children are my specialty." - Kaiser!

"I'm known more for the pointless shit I do, as opposed to the pointless shit I say, aren't I?" - The Mike

"You give a little, you take a little." - Vocephus

"He's heading down the slippery slope of universal retardation!" - Agent N

"If only you knew the depths of our debauchery!" - Kaiser!

"I have a small beagle...and he will knaw your ankles! With severity!" - Kane Hodder

"I had a dream about a waterslide last night. It went in reverse and had a Man-Of-War at the bottom that would try to eat you, but the slide would suck you up in the nick of time." - Vomit God

"He who speaks the loudest, often has the least to say." - Vocephus

"Please, America, let us rise up against the oppresive forces that be, and let's allow our children to read vulgarity at school with or without a mother fucking profanity filter or not. " - Jixby Phillips

"Idiots don't like it when you tell them what they are...idiots." - Vocephus

"A teenage girl giving head to a cop to get out of a ticket...that's America, right there." - Vinnie Spagolia

"Genius is often hidden in idiocy." - Vocephus

"The opposite of suicide is to survive." - Drunken Dwarf

"It's not easy maintaining a wildly popular website with a ton of regular viewers...at least that's what I've heard." - Vocephus

"The game can never be afoot if both feet are cut off." - Raphael

"When in the company of six or more people you mention you hate the movie Willow, someone will inevitibily say, in these exact words, 'Hey, I like Willow!'" - Beef Lenin

"Hey...I like Willow!" - The Mike

"It's what's on the inside that matters most...when you're talking about donuts, that is." - Vocephus

"No poular tune should have Latin phrases like 'Spiritus Munni'" - Vomit God

"I rarely have my back to the wall, but when I do I'm usually next to a window I can smash." - Raphael

"Would you rather be a grown-up with fear, or a child with happiness?" - Kaiser!

"Ogre smash'um!" - Ogre

"Speak French to the French, and Moron to the Morons." - Vomit God

"If an old lady offers you an apple, it's probably not an old lady." - Raphael

"If Hermes was the messenger of the Greek gods, does that make herpes a messenger of the sex gods?" - Drunken Dwarf

"Bodies in the backseat...to generate the CD...uh (mumbling)....let's get bop!" - Ogre (mishearing the lyrics to 'Blitzkrieg Bop')

"I guess I should take it as a compliment...people rip me off because I'm such a damn genius." - Vocephus

"I do not promote drinking and driving, so that is why I don't have a license." - Drunken Dwarf

"Venice Beach is horrific nightmare of flesh eating zombies this time of year." - Rade Zone

"Always leave 'em wanting more...or at least an explanation." - Vocephus

“I don’t want to get married…well, maybe when I’m 52 years old…because then I’ll only have 2 more years to live.” -Vinnie Spagolia

"Why doesn't everything smell like bugers?" - Jixby Phillips

"Don't believe everything you read...I read that somewhere." -Vocephus

"A wise man and his liquor are never parted." -Drunken Dwarf

"This is my slogan. I like it because it is clever." -Vomit God

"If wishes were fishes then I'll take two." -Vocephus

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, who gives a sh*t." -Raphael

"If there is everything in the universe, then where the hell will we keep all the nothing? Maybe in a small jar labeled 'important.'" -Caelestis

"I don't care if the glass is half full or half empty....I just want to know who's been drinking out of my glass."-Vocephus

"Why the hell are there Republicans and Democrats? They are a bunch of f*cking power hungry commies."-Drunken Dwarf

"Vanilla Ice's attempt at rap/rock....your not fooling me. I still remember Cool As Ice. Word to your motha,
b*tch." -Mikey

"If society decides who is crazy by establishing a standard of what normal is, then it would only make sense to eat a burrito and have some Dr. Skipper while laying in a pool of Jello." -Raphael

"I have a theory that there is some kind of ritualistic drug orgy that goes on in the forest by my house." -Vomit God

"Rock-n-roll will never die....leaving it to do battle with the cockroaches for control of the Earth after the Apocalypse" -Vocephus

"Money, good looks, and power will never be a substitute for the knowledge of a psychic drunken whino or failing that an albino midget with a crystal ball" -Raphael

"Riddle me this, how can you say riddle me this without a riddle?" -The Jesus

"You can't please all of the people all of the time...hence the need for different time zones." -Vocephus

"I hope whoever finnally kills you doesn't feed you to the sharks." -Kreskin (Talking to Vocephus)

"If you find yourself in an alley with Vomit God it's already too late." -Caelestis

"Just remember if God ever tells you to build an ark, eat a cheeseburger then fall asleep." -Raphael

"In the future, people will still wonder what the future will be like." -Vocephus

"Welcome to the future... Enjoy it while it lasts." -Vocephus


Original list compiled by and co-created by Raphael The Contradiction