STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (1978)

KEEP WATCHING THE SCREENS
~by Vox Vocephus

By far the most sought after artifact in Star Wars lore, the 1978 made for TV Holiday Special is something you will immediately wish you'd never found (let alone paid 10 dollars for at ComicCon). Hopelessly embarrassing from the get-go, the special is rife with stock footage, useless quasi-celebrity cameos, extended sequences of Wookie Homelife-Fu, and musical numbers by people you never wanted to hear sing (Carrie Fisher, Bea Arthur and Jefferson Starship, for inquiring minds).

As any Star Wars fan worth his weight in glitterstim can tell you, the story is focused on Chewbacca's attempt to get to back to his home planet in time for Life Day, a Wookie holiday not unlike our Christmas. Along the way, he must battle with spliced footage of TIE Fighters and Darth Vader, while Chewie's family anxiously awaits his return. Watch in bemused wonderment as the Wookie family engages in such well crafted, witty dialogue like, "RAWARARARARRRAA!", and "AUUGHHGHUUAHH!" Itchy will haunt your nightmares, as those who know to whom I refer can attest.

George Lucas himself disavows the horrific 97 minute affair, claiming if he had a hammer and enough time, he'd hunt down and destroy every copy in existence. However, considering the Holiday Special's scarcity, and the fact that The Phantom Menace is currently available at every Blockbuster, I'd say he more than has his work cut out for him.

The Scale Of Pain

The Star Wars Holiday Special eats right out of the gate, and keeps a high level of eatiness right on through the end. Just because they put the words STAR WARS in front of it, does not mean you should watch it. (See Episode I and II)

Rippability

It was some time before I could laugh again...

Redeeming Qualities - Okay, so there's a brief cartoon short in which we are introduced to Boba Fett, but to much bemoaning of Star Wars geeks I'm sure, let me say this: It's not that great. If someone hid a Tootsie Roll in a big turd, would you go digging for it? Of course you wouldn't...Tootsie Rolls aren't good anyway.



[That's right. Vocephus saw this five years before you did, hipster. --Peter Dragon, 09april28]