Vox Rox #7: The Afghan Menace

WORDS OF VOCEPHUS


It is a time of new warfare in the galaxy. The evil GALACTIC TALIBAN has won its first victory against the United States. Led by the ruthless Lord Osama bin Laden, Afghan forces destroyed American strongholds at New York and Penta-Gon.

In pursuit of enemy agents, George Dubya and the NORTHERN ALLIANCE attempt to combat the evildoers. As patriotism grows, the first wave of ground troops has landed in the Afghanistan system...


[SCENE ONE: GROUND ZERO, NEW YORK - GEORGE DUBYA is surveying the surrounding rubble, as he notices a small object fall from the sky. He activates his com-link.]

GEORGE DUBYA: Patriot Five to Patriot Seven...Colin, old buddy, do you read me?
COLIN POWELL: (over com-link) Loud and clear, kid.
DUBYA: Sensors are placed, but I'm not getting any life readings.
COLIN: There isn't enough life around here to fill a P.T. Boat. I'm heading back to NORAD.
DUBYA: Copy that, Patriot Seven. I'm gonna check out an object that hit the ground near here. I'll meet up with you at base.

[DUBYA starts towards the site of the fallen object, when an AFGHAN jumps out at him.]

AFGHAN: Jihad!!

[DUBYA is knocked unconscious, and AFGHAN drags him away.]

[SCENE TWO: INTERIOR AFGHANI CAVE - DUBYA is suspended upside down by his feet. As he awakens, a vision appears to him.]

JIMMY CARTER: George...George!!
DUBYA: Jimmy?
CARTER: You will go to Camp David
DUBYA: Camp David?
CARTER: There you will learn from Reagan, the President who succeeded me.
DUBYA: Reagan? (image fades) Jimmy...Jimmy?

[AFGHAN reappears, and starts towards DUBYA]

DUBYA: I'm freezing your assets...take that, evildoer!

[AFGHAN screams and flees. COLIN POWELL enters.]

COLIN: George! George, you okay kid?
DUBYA: Camp David...Reagan...Reagan...!
COLIN: NORAD Base, this is General Powell...I found him, repeat, I found him. (Frees DUBYA)
DUBYA: Colin, I'm not going to regroup with you and the others. I've got to go to Camp David.

[Noises and shouts echo around in cave. COLIN and DUBYA look around worried.]

COLIN: Alright. But let's get out of here. Sand People are easily startled, but they'll be back...and in greater numbers. We had best get moving. (Exeunt)

[SCENE THREE: CAMP DAVID - DUBYA arrives in Air Force One, and steps out to examine his surroundings.]

DUBYA: Hmm...there's something strangely familiar about this place. It almost feels...
STRANGER: Feels like what?
DUBYA: (whirls around, and points finger threateningly at STRANGER) Like I'm being investigated!
STRANGER: Away put your finger, I mean you no harm. I am wondering...why are you here?
DUBYA: I seek a great President.
STRANGER: Ooh! Great President! Good economy not make one great!
DUBYA: He is a Master Politician.
STRANGER: Reagan...you seek Reagan!
DUBYA: You know him?
STRANGER: Powerful President was he...mmmm, powerful President. Unlike your father.
DUBYA: My father...! How can you know my father, you don't even know me! Oh, I don't even know what I'm doing here, I'm wasting the people's time!
REAGAN: (sighs) Well, I cannot teach him. The boy has no diplomacy.
VOICE OF RICHARD NIXON: He will learn diplomacy.
DUBYA: ...Reagan!
REAGAN: He is unpopular. Yes, too unpopular to begin the campaigning!
NIXON: Was I any different when I ran against Kennedy?
REAGAN: A long time have I watched this one. Always has he looked away to the future. Never his mind on where he was, how his polls were doing! (looking at DUBYA) You are reckless! Foreign policy...heh...lower taxes...heh! A President craves not these things!
NIXON: Some considered FDR reckless, if you'll remember.
REAGAN: (sighs) Well...will he finish his term?
DUBYA: I won't abuse my power. I'm not afraid of the press!
REAGAN: Well, you will be...you will be!



[SCENE FOUR: AFGHANISTAN - OSAMA BIN LADEN and his officers hold council in the war room.]

OFFICER 1: Lord bin Laden, what of the word of increased security in America's space ports? It's impossible to penetrate that defense.
BIN LADEN: Their security is of no concern to us. It is no match for the power of the Jihad.
OFFICER 2: Your sad devotion to that ancient Muslim custom hasn't given you the power to overthrow America, or given you clairvoyance to find their hidden military bases.
BIN LADEN: I find your lack of holiness disturbing... (picks up musket and shoots OFFICER 2)
OFFICER 1: Enough! This bickering is pointless. Lord Osama, it is time for another video threat.
BIN LADEN: Very well. Inform the U.N. that I have acquired nuclear arms, and that all who oppose me will burn in fiery hell. There will be no one to stop us this time! (exuent)

[SCENE FIVE: NORTHERN AFGHANISTAN - COLIN POWELL and the Northern Alliance troops prepare to infiltrate OSAMA's cave.]

COLIN: All right troops, all we need to do is get to the core of the cave and destroy the Main Reactionary. That ought to weaken the Taliban's super structure and destroy it.
SOLDIER: Our patriot missiles can't hit a target so small!
COLIN: Sure they can...it'll be just like bombing Iraqi's in our F-16's back home. Let's go!

[COLIN and troops begin attack on the cave.]



[SCENE SIX: CAMP DAVID - DUBYA is undergoing Presidential training under the strict tutelage of REAGAN. Scene opens as DUBYA is signing bills into law as REAGAN oversees.]

REAGAN: Yes...feel the power flowing through you. A President uses his power for good,never for evil. Budget cuts, tax levies, domestic policy...the dark side of politics are they!
DUBYA: How am I to know the right wing from the left?
REAGAN: Well, you will know! When you are conservative...anti-abortion...pro-gun control. (sighs) Well, nothing more will I teach you today. (REAGAN retires to recliner and turns the television to CNN.)
DUBYA: Colin...? American troops! (to REAGAN) I saw a city in the desert...
REAGAN: It is the news you see...through the press many things will you see.
DUBYA: Will they survive?
REAGAN: Well...difficult to see. Always in motion is public opinion.
DUBYA: I've got to go to them!
REAGAN: Well, if you leave, give them aid you could...but you would destroy all for which they have delegated...

[Music swells as DUBYA looks thoughtfully to the horizon. Fade to black]

WILL GEORGE DUBYA FIND OSAMA BIN-LADEN? WILL COLIN POWELL LEARN THE WAYS OF THE PRESIDENCY? WILL THIS WHOLE THING FIZZLE OUT AFTER A FEW MORE WEEKS? TUNE IN NEXT TIME, SAME VOX TIME, SAME VOX CHANNEL!


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