"Hoy ahoy! Welcome to another bloody exciting episode of Really Dangerous Animals! I'm your host Les Moore, and today we're going in search of the rare and extremely cheeky Sandpiper Birdcrab! What will happen? I couldn't possibly know! Let's find out! Okay!!"
"First, let's meet my team of expert animal wranglers. This fella here is Jim Stranger and he's terribly handy to have around in a fix, believe you me!"
"Stick with me if you want to live."
"Roight-o, Jimmy boy. We'll be close behind ya the whole way!"
"Next, meet Boyo Howdy. He's probably the best snake handler to come out of the late night talk show circuit. Don't let his queer looks throw ya, mate, if there's a cranky beastie about, Boyo's yer man!"
"Let's snag us some o' them dang ol' Birdcrabs, m'kay? Huh-huh...I likes ta shoot my gun!"
"Haha. No worries, mate. We'll be killing some really dangerous and rare animal or another! Here we go!"
"Les! We've got one...I suggest we terminate with extreme prejudice."
"Oy! We've spotted our first Birdcrab, alright! This adventure is sure to become more adventuresome very quickly!"
"Oy! He's a beaut! The deadly Sandpiper Birdcrab hails from North America, particularly the suburban regions. He stands about six feet fully uproight. He makes a terrible swaking noise when aggravated, and he's irrepressibly cheeky! And he'll bite ya for no reason at all...no reason! What sort bloody animal bites ya with no regard at all? I ask ya? Crikey!"
"Boyo's made contact with the beast. It looks like he's communicating with the bloody bird! Remember, kids...he's a professional. Never, ever try this if you ever encounter a Birdcrab in the wild. Try to destroy it, before it destroys you!"
"Negotiations have failed! Howdy attacks as the Birdcrab flees the scene! Tally ho!"
"What kind of animal wrangler are you? Now we'll never track down that bloody bird! Give me back that hat!
"Oy, but looky! Despite the Sandpiper Birdcrabs uncanny ability to evade predators and natural camouflage techniques, Jimmy-boy has tracked her down!"
"Well, folks, that's all th' time we have for the show today!"
- Jim Stranger went on to host his own late night animal talk show. It was a huge success, despite being on UPN.
- Boyo Howdy was let go by the crew of Really Dangerous Animals. No charges were filed. He was last seen working as a fry cook at Rice King.
- The Sandpiper Birdcrab was arraigned in Superior Court, county of Los Angeles. The results of that trial after these messages.
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