Photo-Play: How to Do Drugs

HOW TO DO DRUGS

You've heard it all before...all the kids are doing it. And now you want to do it too. But before you go about making some embarrasing social and legal blunders, let the World Of Vocephus' very own Vomit God instruct you on the proper way to locate, ingest, experience, and ultimately fit in by way of drug usage. Are you ready? Then let's begin.








There are indeed a multitude of varities of drugs to choose from these days. For this presentation, Vomit God has chosen crack-cocaine. First, you must go about locating the drug. Usually, a man in your local park will be able to provide you with what you need at a nominal price. But a friend's dried up dandruff is also an invaluable source of crack, as well as other amphetamines and stimulants.






While scalp mining is much more cost effective, nothing beats crack bought out of the back of a van. Crack comes in various amounts, depending on how much you want to spend, and how high you wish to get. Vomit God has chosen some choice pre-packaged crack. You will need a semi-solid surface on which to spread your crack on, such as a table, a bible, or a stripper's backside.











Notice how Vomit God has begun dividing his crack into lines. This is how crack is portioned before ingesting. The longer the line of crack-cocaine, the more intense your high will be. Observe the relation in this simple equation:



crack line x length = increased high








Once the crack has been devided into the desired line lengths, it is then commonly ingested by way of the nasal passage. This is referred to as snorting. To do this, you will need a straw, or if you will, a rolled up one hundred dollar bill.













Once a sufficient amount of crack has been absorbed into the blood stream, the user will experience a high. This is when reality becomes greatly distorted, and things are not what they seem to be. Often, it will be a pleasureable experience, and laughter typically ensues. Observe as Vomit God "freaks out, man!"













However, even the best high can quickly turn bad. This is known as a bad trip.





























Upon returning to the painful, icy grip of reality, an overwhelming sense of hunger is often felt. This is known as getting the munchies. Watch as Vomit God partakes of some delicious country fried potatoes. Salt and pepper to taste.

Andrew "Vomit God" Alcala
1980 - 2001

A successful afternoon! And now that you know how it's done, you don't need to pass on the fun the next time you're at a party. You can say proudly that you too can snort coke with the best of them! Thank you, Vomit God!