THE SINFUL DWARF (1973)

KEEP WATCHING THE SCREENS
~By Vox Vocephus

As if the title of the movie itself, and the fact that it's on Something Weird Video weren't dissuading enough factors for me not to watch it, then sitting through all 92 minutes is downright inexcusable. But therein lies my duty as Watcher Of All Things Terrible...

Torben (the dwarf alluded to in the title) uses an electric toy poodle to lure girls into his lair of white slavery and prostitution. He gets a steady supply of barbituates (which we in the audience longed to have) for his girls from an eerily Santa Claus-esque old man. Sound fun? Some other things happened in this movie, too. If remembering them didn't cause me to break down in violent sobbing, this review would be much longer. Not that much else needs to be said other than NEVER WATCH THIS MOVIE EVER.

The Scale Of Pain

There are bad movies that you can watch with a large group of people, and no matter how terrible it is, you still have a good time. This is not of them. The Sinful Dwarf single-handedly killed off an entire room of viewers, and left the survivors gnawing at their wounds.

Rippability

The scale nearly tipped to five, as one by one the combatants were slain or driven back by this movie's unyielding onslaught of crap. Out of 15 or so people in the room, only two were left at the bitter end of the credits.

Nudity

Do you really want to see Torben molest a naked 70's chick with his walking stick? No, you don't. I've seen more erotic scenes at the church potluck.

Cormanian Factor - This movie went beyond So-Bad-Its-Good, to So-Bad-Its-God-Awful-Terrible. There is no excusable reason, nor even the slightest benefit for watching this movie. If you ever see a copy, destroy it. Do some poor ignorant bastard a favor.

Noteworthy Curiosities - Torben is the most popular dwarf actor in Denmark. Denmark must have a lot of shitty dwarf actors.