Vomit God #11: So There I Was On The Internet...

VOMIT GOD SPEAKS

I hate Christians. For ages they have tormented people of other religions and beliefs because they are different from what they interpret from the Holy Bible. But most importantly, they seem to enjoy tormenting me. The best way to piss off these people is to give yourself a controversial screen name on AIM like "Aborted Andy", list yourself in the "Athiest" list, and write a profile of myself, like I did:

Don't believe those pictures that so-called Christians put up of "Aborted babies". The truth is, everyone gets decapitated!

Just add an icon of a wire hanger and you've got instant fun! Christians will be IM'ing you like fire on a holy bush! The best part is, they expect you to turn the other cheek when they insult you. Here's an example: (I am Aborted Andy on AIM. This is an actual conversation I saved:)
andrew k 1287: YOU LITTLE WHORE
andrew k 1287: YOU ARE SO FUCKING DEAD
andrew k 1287: YOUR GOING TO HELL
andrew k 1287: AND I HATE YOU
andrew k 1287: ARE YOU THERE?
Aborted Andy: Wow, violent. Are you still angry because they cancelled Seinfeld?
andrew k 1287: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
Aborted Andy: I might ask the same question of you.
andrew k 1287: I'M PISSED ABOUT YOUR INFORMATION
andrew k 1287: YOU DO YOU MEAN "SO-CALLED CHRISTIAN"?????
andrew k 1287: I'M A FUCKING CHRISTIAN AND I HATE YOU BECAUSE YOU SAID THAT ALL CHRISTIANS ARE "SO-CALLED"
Aborted Andy: I mean people like you, who make up facts and figures to support your so-called righteous religion. I don't think I'm the one going to hell, pal. "Judge not lest ye be judged."
Aborted Andy: Or do you even read the Bible?
andrew k 1287: YOU CAN TAKE THAT, TURN IT INTO A TEN FOOT POLE, AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS
andrew k 1287: YEAH I'VE READ THE FIRST FIVE BOOKS, AND THE LAST ONE
andrew k 1287: AND ALOT OF THE MIDDLE
andrew k 1287: ASSWIPE
Aborted Andy: Whatever, fucker. Why don't you go jack off and cry like you probably always do.
andrew k 1287: so your athiest i take it?
andrew k 1287: oh yeah thats right you know me i always cry while i jack off
andrew k 1287: how the hell did you know that
Aborted Andy: I'm agnostic. There is a difference, you illiterate licker of pig testicles.
andrew k 1287: whats the difference
andrew k 1287: ??"?
andrew k 1287: ???
Aborted Andy: Athiest= Does not believe in God. Agnostic= Does not believe in organized religion.
Aborted Andy: Now you have another fact, you product of incest.
andrew k 1287: how old are you
Aborted Andy: Old enough.
andrew k 1287: i am 13 biatch
Aborted Andy: Good. Don't you have an N'Sync show to go to or something?
andrew k 1287: and i now alot more than you about other religions and other cultures your probably racist, pregedous, and sexest
Aborted Andy: Yes, I am the sexiest.
andrew k 1287: aaaaaaaahahaha i'm a 13 year old guy, not a prick
andrew k 1287: sexest you dickslit
Aborted Andy:It's Sexist, you product of a one night stand.
andrew k 1287: no i said sexest, i guess you can't comprehend as much as you should
Aborted Andy: I don't know how to take that from someone who refers to himself as "i".
andrew k 1287: what the hell is that supposed to mean
Aborted Andy: I mean learn how to capitalize, you donkey-shit stirrer.
(At this point, my foul-mouthed friend began to warn me, and then I blocked him.)

Stupid, huh? Believe it or not, there are people out there who make their kids into self righteous demons who constantly IM me and call me all sorts of names. Not that I don't enjoy the ease of putting them in their places of course.

Thanks goes out to andrew k 1287, God bless the little tyke. Just like all little boys, he believes in turning words into ten foot poles and shoving them up people's asses. Perhaps on the great cyber battlefield, we will meet for round 2. Until then, I hope he knows I love him.