Deoxy #7: The Deoxy Xyloflux Show

DEOXY XYLOFLUX

What the fuck is the big deal about "reality based television shows?" The only reason they are popular, I believe is, that they show the seedier side of humanity, much like the tabloids love to show secret affairs. Plus, Hollywood can do a show without the pricey screenwriter, whose salary they can use to produce t-shirts, coffee mugs, and more advertising, which equals more $$$.

(Scoff) Reality based indeed. Sure, people will get catty when they are forced into an artificial environment, especially when the chance to win a million dollars is at stake. Just like Scooby Doo, you've seen one episode, you've seen them all. Usually, headlines are made when one player tells the other horrible, life bending things, like "I wish you were dead." I think it's sad when a full ten minutes on the news is devoted to the sparks developing between Kelly and Brandon on "Survivor Alabama" instead of cool, informational shit like "This day in History."

The one show that truly pisses me off is "The Osbournes." Shit, the guy's brain is so fried that he doesn't even know who he is half the time. Maybe if I make twelve shitty cock rock albums and blow my brain on snort then maybe I can get my own show! There's no rhythm to the shows, just Ozzie stumbling around for a half and hour saying shit like "Oi! Where's the (Bleep!) back scratcher!" If this is the future of television, then I have a little invention called fire!

I have a proposition for all you Hollywood fucks: make a reality show about me! Trust me, it will be truly groundbreaking. For one thing, I'm not on drugs, I'm somewhat intelligent, and I don't look like a Ken doll with spiky bleached hair! I have real struggles that most people can relate to, like the bad diarrhea I get from Pizza Hut. I'll even cut out the emotional crap for all you action lovers, because I have no love life! Tired of seeing mosaic boobs? I'll ensure that my show has tits galore! (I'll be on HBO.) I'll even have a kick ass soundtrack straight from the person I know who has the best record collection: me.

C'mon, people are looking for a new role model. I'm convinced that my show will be a hit, because you won't have impossibly attractive people impersonating everyday joes like "Friends". People will wake up, all make their own shows, and show the liars at Hollywood that people have a voice, and they have spoken! So until this happens, SMASH THE FATHER OF LIES, TELEVISION. (Unless it has "Twin Peaks" on it.)