Deoxy #11: Getting what you "Desserve"

by DEOXY XYLOFLUX


Well, summer is here, kiddos, and that means yet another poor soul in denial of the truth faucet that is my mouth! This time it was Desservo, who made a not so thinly veiled attack on me. Well, terrorist attacks can indeed shake the foundations of our highest buildings, but it won't shake the foundations of Deoxy Xyloflux. WORD ATTACK COMMENCE!


I admit it. I'm a big, ass-kissing child. Vomit God is right. All this time, I've been writing useless, meandering articles. And so have we all.

(Good God, preach on brother! Tell it like it is!)

I guess it's because I wasn't pretentious enough. I know I made an occasional funny article here and there, but ultimately I failed. I SHOULD have been more pretentious. I see that mistake now.

(Don't be too hard on yourself, pal. You've enlightened me. Your articles touched me in a way I never knew before. Now I know that it must suck to be insecure!)

Looking back, I probably should have staged an "event" that people pretended to care about, in which I "left," deciding from the get-go that I would make a "triumphant" return (only this time nobody would even pretend to care), with a new name (which would serve no real purpose and just complicate things unnecessarily) and that nobody could give two shits about. But I've been beaten to that punch, unfortunately.

(Damn that Superman! It was bad enough that they killed him off in the first place, but the fact that they brought back FOUR of him was enough to use that issue as much needed kindling.)

I guess another thing I should have done was stop trying to branch out with creative articles, taking myself (or, at least, making an attempt) and the comedy of the website in new directions. I realize that I wasted my time.

(Once again, you are too modest, my friend! I consider you the "grammar jester" of the WOV. Who else could take one big sentence like "I admit that I'm a big ass kissing child, and that Vomit God is right." and turn it into three short sentences. Genius.)

In retrospect, what I should have done, was write a bunch of "samey" articles in which I rant endlessly (almost about the same thing every time), and talk and yell and argue loud enough so that no one will think to argue, contradict or question me.

(Talk and yell loud enough? The WOV is available in audio format? I guess I should get with the times, but still maintain a retro charm...by still calling myself Vomit God when I've CLEARLY changed my name!)

In addition, I should have done so with an air of snobbery so that people would always accept that I was right without question. Then, I should have staged my aforementioned "leave and come back plan," and spouted off again a couple of times in another attempt at getting attention - thus completing the circle:

(Desservo, I didn't say you couldn't question what I do. In fact, I encourage you to write articles about me so I can write "response" articles like this one. By the way, I've already had to "leave and come back" because your Beard artcle made me "spout" vomit! Just like that one God...)

P.S. In the event that someone might question what I was doing or write a slanderous article in repsonse to my rantings, I will merely tell them that I was doing it in a meticulous effort to "stir up the pot" and get the juices flowing again. Good night

(So everyone send a fruit basket to Hiroshima, because we didn't mean it!)

In the words of comic book guy,"Worst article ever" FUCK SHIT COCK CUM SARAH JESSICA PARKER