Deoxy #1: The New Experiments

DEOXY XYLOFLUX
(Formerly Known As Vomit God)

I am back, somewhat.

I have returned from beyond the Plasma Zone, bringing with me a new name, but same cranky ass attitude! Yes, Vomit God has returned to further enlighten you poor lost lambs, ever chewing on the processed lawn of society!

I feel a new change, so therefore I feel obligated to return with a new name. The monikier "Vomit God" has become stale, and has therefore been used by certain people to describe things that are angry, and in turn, has made me the stereotypical bitcher of the site. To me, the name "Deoxy Xyloflux" means new ideas, new style, that certain fresh feeling when you change the tampon sticking in your ass!

Armand must go as well. Just in case you fuckers have been watching Fox too much, and have let your brains decay into oatmeal, Vomit God and Armand were the same person. If I cannot answer my own critics, then who am I to be writing for this site?

I can be still be funny, hopefully, and since "randomness" seems to be the style around here, I can be that, too.

God, I love to masturbate. There's no greater joy than laying on your bed, with your dick firmly planted in your palm, the warm sweat of anitcipation lubricating, the slow pumping action, and finally, after "Old Faithful" erupts, the naughtiness of wiping it off with a torn magazine and hiding it under your bed.

See!? I can be a stereotypical staffer too! I even come with egotisical humility to boot! I'll end every article with "I know this article sucked" yet I'll ask everyone what they thought!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not selling out. I'm just trying to be comfortable here. Be my friend!

And for all you fans of the old Vomit God, you'll still have talk of things I hate, concerts I went to, and most fun for me, making fun of people who have been quoted as hating me! Of course there will be talk of Alien Vaginas also thrown in for good measure.

I've heard some shit talked about me while I was gone. Since the actual quotes are so inane that even Pauly Shore would think they are moronic, here is the lineup, as well as the fiends who quoted them:

MR. DESSERVO was quoted as saying that he would replace me. I've seen his work since I left. While we are at it, let's make Barry Manilow the new lead singer of Pantera.

MR. RAPHAEL was quoted as saying something about building an empire of wit together. Yes, it has been quite a few dazzling months. It's just too bad that all these "One hit Wonder" writers are clogging up the system. By the way, I created you Zolar, and I can destroy you. I hereby christen Raphael: Solamente the Pauper.

MR. EATER of PUMPKINS was quoted as saying that Vocephus's empire was falling because I left. Very True.

Well, I'm bored now, announcing my return. This article sucked.