KAISER #4: Romeo and Juliet

The Way Things Should Be
by Kaiser!

[Open scene with Romeo standing underneath Juliet's balcony]

Romeo: Oh fairest Juliet, may thou exit thine abode and come to me for some fast action and copious sweating.

Juliet: Why sure dear, I got 20 minutes before my pa gets back from the market.

Romeo [whispering]: Jane did you even read nthe script up there, much less practice, this is a friggin Broadway play ya know!

Romeo: Fine Juliet I would entreat thee to a fine meal of venison and quale at yonder glade, if such would be gay and cheery!

Juliet: Yeah whatever ... Hey!! What the fuc...

[Enter two obvious Nazi's, one is 12 feet tall with a large club, the other is normal size and the only evidence that says he is a Nazi is his helmet nad jump suit]

Romeo: I say Gentlemen, mayhap you mean to be in a different production this here is our opening night of Romeo and Jul...

[Romeo is promptly bashed in by the tall Nazi]

Average Nazi: Ya, git zem Jack!

Jack: Ya, come to me Juliet, and I shall have quick, conservative sex with you.

Juliet: Now wait a second, you're a bit tall, mayhap too big.

[Just then the average Nazi jumps her and begins to droll on her as his 4 seconds of joy are soon over]

Average Nazi: YAAAAAAA

Juliet: Good job minuteman!

Jack: Hahahahaha ... good one Panzer!

Panzer: Shut up you idiot, now let us kill the audience!

[Unknown to our Nazi duo a lone figure had already slaughtered the entire audience and is standing currently in the middle isle wielding a large Communist flag that emmits a reddish glow. They cannot see it, but there is a severed snake head attached to the end of the pole.]

Mysterious Figure [in a thick Russian accent]: Comrades! The time has come to unite, I would claim the woman but she has been tainted by facism!

[The lone figure hurls the flag at Panzer, where the snake head implants itself in his neck]

Panzer [shaking off the pole]: Ahhh, Juliet, suck out the posion!

[Juliet pulls out a revolver and shoots a stunned Panzer in the head, her cheesy follow up line is quickly masked by Jack charging the Mysterious figure]

Jack: Hile Hitler, you shall die zis day scum!

[Without a doubt the Mysterious figure moved faster than either Juliet or Jack could see as Jack suddenly explodes]

Mysterious Figure: Yet another victory for the Motherland!

Juliet: What the fuck just happened here!?!?

[The Mysterious Figure makes a motion with his hands and begins to fly upward, crashing through the roof and into the red sunset, claiming all lands before he circumnavigates the globe and reaches Mother Russia!]

Fin