KAISER #3: A Swan Lake

The Way Things Should Be
by Kaiser!

[scene opens with various dancers whirling about the stage, then from no where
comes a strobe light and thugs on roller skates]

Female dancer 1: Well I say, what is all this ruckus, who are these here hooligans?!?

Thug 1: Yeah, were here to take yer money see, then yer lives, yeah!

Thug 2-5[in unison]: YEAH!!!

Male Dancer 1: This just won't due, off the stage. Off I say!

Thug 1: Get em' boys!

[All of the thugs including Thug 1 race up and beat Male Dancer 1 with batons and large pieces of metal]

Thug 1: Anyone else wanna step up and take the music ... Hah, I thought so ya bunch of lily tootoo wearin .. wahhhh ???

[Enter Jack, a 12 foot tootoo wearing dancer with a very large club, also weilding a thick German accent]

Thug 1: What part of the play are you in buddy?

Jack: I be the baouncer ya, and I be here to beat you ya?

Thugs [1-5 in unison]: Oh shit .. ahhhhhh [they are beaten savagely]

Jack: There you go little ladys and little guys, I go now to crush some Red Communist bastages ehhh....!!!!

[thick red fog swrils about the room, and engulfs everyone, several squishy noises are heard then the sound of a match being struck. In the back of the stage a single light flares, then the fog retreats as if banished only to reveal a lone figure standing on a heap of twisted dancer's corpses. That figure holds
in one hand a sickle, in the other a hammer. That figure is a very sad looking Joseph Stalin.]

Jack: Ah by Hitler's gold tooth ... NOOOOOOOOO, we buried you Stalin, WE BURIED YOU!!!!

Stalin: Communism, comrade, will never die, however none such patriotism flows through your cursed Nazi veins.

[And as if by magic Joseph Stalin flys at Jack with Hammer and Sickle extended, upon contact Jack explodes into a fountain of gore, leaving Stalin standing in the crater that was Nazi Jack. Stalin however is left untouched by any trace of violence as all that remains on stage is a very large Soviet flag held by a
triumphant Stalin,a red nimbus surrounds both him and the flag as another day has been won for the Motherland.]