Just who is this Osama guy? Why is everyone so scared of him? To me, he just doesn't portray the image of a supervillian. He's a puppy dog, who to me, looks camera shy. He just isn't revolutionary enough. He doesn't have the gift of riling people like Hitler, and he doesn't have a cool symbol to back him up like the hammer and sickle, like communist Russia had. He's a meek little fellow who misdirects his anger toward his parents on the USA. He sends his lackeys to their death on airplanes, but he himself doesn't get on one. When it comes to supervilliany, he doesn't make the grade, here's THE WORLD'S MOST EVIL SUPERVILLIANS, (In no particular order.)
1)REAGAN: Punks hated him. Lower income minorities hated him, Hinkey hated him. (Nice try, John.) He defeated the US's only woman to run for Vice President. He gave weapons to villagers in war torn countries to use against other villages, and then said Oliver North did it. To top it all off, he's about 300 years old, and he did a movie with a monkey in the 1940's. (Guess who turned out to be the bigger ape?) The late 80's saw economic turmoil because he used to fall asleep in cabinet meetings, and then his staff would run the country. Yep, Reagan was quite a supervillian. Maybe all the money he saved on cutting inner city programs can go to curing him of alzeimers.
2)NIXON: Man, this guy just looks like a supervillian! For Christ's sake, he ran against Kennedy, the "hero" president. And do I really have to say anymore than Watergate? This man hated you, and your family, because your American values went against his dream of world conquest! I even think the San Andreas fault is Nixon himself, trying to get out of the grave, so he can go back to Vietnam and finish the whole thing, and then go to Israel so he can finish the Jews!
3)JERRY FALWELL: I think this man can be considered a supervillian because, symbolically, this man represents the Christian plague in our country. You know, the people who stand on street corners with violent abortion posters yet bitch about TV violence. The people who say "Love your Neighbor" yet advocate gay killing. If the world were run like this man wanted to, I wouldn't be here, because I am techically hispanic, a minority. I would be accused of making some dumb cracker not getting a job because of affirmative action, and then sent to a rehibilitation camp, where cowboys and priests would rape women and then force them to carry the baby, and American flags would wave and Patton would play all day. C'mon Jerry, just because you fuck your mother and rape choir boys doesn't mean you can't liven up!
4)PONTIUS PILATE: He sent Jesus to his death, but I guess that's not too bad, because apparently, Jesus came back as Han Solo. I put this on here to suck the cocks of all you Jesus Freaks out there. I mean, C'mon, Jesus is Jesus. Why not make fun of other deities, like Buddah. (10 Reasons why Buddah should go to Weight Watchers.) Or That multi armed goddess people in India worship, who I forget the name of, so I will call Ganesha. (Ganesha: Let's give her a hand.) Did Ray Harryhausen ever have a field day with Jesus movies? No! Multi armed gods are cooler, so let's leave ol' JC out of it.
5)ABC, FOR CANCELLING "TWIN PEAKS" Ohhhh... These supervillians are the ones I hate most of all, and I have to say, they're the worst one on this list! How dare they cancel this wonderful show! For God's sake, it had dancing retarded midgets, a dirty guy who lived in the woods who killed people named "Bob", and hot noir chicks galore! To top it off, David Ducovny of "X-Files" fame played a transvestite cop! You can't get any better than that! I've NEVER seen a show come even close to matching this one! Now, ABC has it's usual brand of archetypical cop dramas, and bland sitcoms. Fuck this station for showing "Making The Band" instead of this show! FUCK YOU ABC, YOU GERIATRIC PIECES OF SHIT!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!
Well, I hope that was an enlightening journey for you. So the next time you think Osama's hiding in your closet, you should consider one of these villians instead. Osama ain't so tough.
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