January
[1-1-01]
Welcome to the future... Enjoy
it while it lasts.
I have oft spoke of the legendary Rade Zone, yet not all my friends have
had the opportunity to see him in action. Well, you can get an idea of
what he's all about at his brand new website, www.radezone.com.
A very nice site put together by some other hard-core RZ fans. I suggest
you view it, and check out the sound clips. It's nothing like being there,
however, because the best part of the show is the reactions of passer-by.
But it's the best some of you will ever get.
Mike has a new article. He's making me change the name of his column,
too. Which means I have to make a new logo for it. Eh...he's going to
get Times New Roman 12 pt font. Ha! Anyway, read
it.
Pray for the soul of my scanner. It nears the end of it's life...I'm
going to kill it.
[1-3-01]
For some reason, the December
Archives have dissapeared entirely. So from the 1st to the 15th there
will be no written account of my activities here. Y2k lives, although
a bit delayed, and somewhat less severe... Damnable fate!!
[1-4-01]
Well, my scanner and I have come
to an uneasy truce for the time being, and you the Vocephites benefit!
There is a brand new educational photo
play up, as well as the brand new
Sign
Out gallery for your viewing pleasure.
Rejoice!
[1-7-01]
The WOV
thrives into the New Year thus far. More signs up in the Sign
Out gallery. Not much else, other
than that. Once I get some copies of some photos from a friend, I'll
begin yet another new gallery (should you be so fortunate?)
Thinking of starting a band, and having the word 'head' in your name?
Chances are, someone already
beat you to it.
[1-9-01]
I hereby call upon any and all
readers with so much as a shred of artistic talent. I need me some
linking buttons and banners! Get fancy! Make some cool animated
GIFS with lots of blinking lights! Keep it simple, stupid! Make
a banner in Paint, the results may be more interesting! All in all,
it doesn't matter what it looks like...slick, professional and polished
or sloppy, hodge-podge and scattered. I just think it'd be nice
to have some linking devices for folks that think this here site is killer-diller,
and would want to link it in a special way. So open those graphics
programs! Move those mouses (mice?) in circular patterns or what-have-you!
And now on to what you're all here for...VIOLENT
BUTT SHAKING!!
[1-10-01]
Introducing yet another brand
new feature here at the WOV...it's
the Rocks
of Randomness! A nice selection
of quotes put together by our very own Raphael the Contradiction.
Also to please your visual pallate, there are scads of new signs in the
Sign
Out gallery. That ought to
tide you over quite nicely...yes...nicely indeed.
[1-14-01]
First, let it be known that the
new Rocks
Of Randomness feature is open to
all who wish to contribute to it. May the section grow like a mighty
oak... That goes ditto for the Sign
Out gallery. You readers really
need to start pulling your weight around here.
Now on to more pressing matters. Mike informs me that he wants to
change the name of his article. Caelestis informs me that he wants
to change his name...what is going on? Next Drunken Dwarf is going
to tell me he's "Six Weeks Sober Dwarf", or Vomit God becomes
Lord of Chunder...I may grant Mike's request (much to my chagrin),
but as for you, Caelestis, you're going to have to come up with some very
convincing arguments to allow such a thing as a name change to pass.
I suggest you take it to the message board. I'll let the others
decide if this radical change is to be allowed or vetoed. God bless
Democracy.
[1-28-01]
Due
to seemingly popular demand, I have updated the site. All I have
to tell you really is to keep an eye on www.bastard.com.
It changes (from what I can tell) day to day, and is pretty interesting
as far as webpages go. Simple, yet intriguing.
As far as the rest of the good ol' WOV is concerned, I still have not
decided whether or not to grant Caelestis' wish for a name change.
I imagine I will. Raphael has new stuff, I think there's new Denny's
Adventures and maybe some other stuff floating around in the inbox, but
I've not found the oomph to dig it out yet. But why do I bother
telling you of all these wonderful new additions, in lieu of just putting
them up? What the hell is my problem? I suppose you could
say that this webmaster (can I say that?) is suffering from a case of
temporary apathy. On the other hand, there's the old rule of show
business: Always leave 'em wanting more...or at least an explanation.
Hey, I think I just coined a new Rock Of Randomness!
On that note, I give you what may or may not become a regular feature...the
World
Of Vocephus Reader Reviews!
Our first reviewer is nonother that our very own Vomit God! Do be
sure to check it out.
February 2001
[2-7-01]
It's time for yet another
Update-O-Rama here at the WOV (for real, this time, rather than my usual
promise of an update 'soon'.) I'll tell you what, you can't swing a dead
cat without hitting something new
and exciting. New signs in Sign
Out! New Denny's
review! New Raphael
story! New article from Caelestis, who I've decided to let call himself
Kaiser
from now on! New Rocks
Of Randomness! A new update on
Mikey!
In other news, the guestbook has mysteriously dissapeared, which is a
shame. I don't know what else to do about it other than to hope it comes
back soon. Ah, well...there are worse
things that could happen.
[2-19-01]
Don't bother telling me, I already
know...updates are too few and far between these days. There has been
some behind-the-scenes technical difficulty and what-not...but fear not!
I am back, and in true form! And I couldn't make my triumphant return
without some new stuff to show ya, now could I? And new stuff it is indeed...I
want you all to meet the newest staffer here at the WOV (yeah, another
one!), and his name is OGRE! Each and every...time I get something new
from him...he'll be sharing it with us all in The
Ogre Chronicles! Good, good stuff!
Also, Mike has the first installment of Back
In Black for you all to read. Aside
from ripping off AC/DC and Louis Black of the Daily Show, he has also
decided that he is The Rock. Insults fly...I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
Our old pal Drunken
Dwarf is also back with a slew of
new questions and answers. There's a handful of new gems in the Rocks
Of Randomness as well.
Aside from that, I have a secret project in the works for Jixby's
site. Soon the madness will all
become very clear...
On the ligher side of things, I have reinstated the guest book! Sadly,
I don't know where the old one went, along with all the old entires...but
alas, we shall overcome and begin anew!
[2-26-01]
Hey...seven days between updates
isn't all that bad these days. I know I've probably lost some readers
due to the recent slackage...down from four to three by now, no doubt.
I'd just like to mention again that the guest book is indeed functional
again...while not nearly as nice as the old one, it's all we've got.
Vomit God was nice enough to churn out a new article for us, and one I
really like. It's Ten
Songs To Inspire A Shooting Spree,
and it's delicious! Also, thought I'd toss another chapter of the Ogre
Chronicles up for you, and I can't
help but wonder why Ogre was snubbed at this year's Grammy Awards. There
is no justice. A few Rocks
Of Randomness sprinkled to taste,
and aside from the obligitory wacky
link, that's all the update you're
a-gonna git!
[2-27-01]
Some of you may remember Celebrity
Guest Update Week we had here at the WOV some time ago. Well kids, it's
back again! That's right, your opportunity to hold court right here on
the front page! Not only is this an incredible opportunity to be seen
by tens of...well, tens of internet-savvy people, but it'll aid in more
frequent updates, and less work for me! Everybody wins! Staffers especially,
but you Faithful Four Readers out there feel free to contribute, just
write up a little paragraph blurb, include a few of your favorite links
if you wish, and SHAZAAM! Instant stardom! I expect the first submissions
in my
inbox by the end of this week.
[2-28-01]
I have been informed that Mike's girlfriend/fiancee Sara, would like to
begin writing for the site. I have already ratified this petition,
and I think we'll all have something to look forward to in the near future.
In other news, Raphael has submitted a swell piece of web-literature entitled,
"How
To Write For The World Of Vocephus."
Other than the parts about how much fun it is, I think it's pretty accurate.
And as if we already weren't innodated with cool crap, Vomit God has full
documentation of Mardi Gras (okay, San Diego's Mardi Gras...doesn't count,
but it's the best we've got) and we'll be sharing those photos with you
real soon. Due to the graphic nature of the pictures (titties!)
I shall host them on another server, for fear of Geocities shutting down
my little Dog-and-Pony show here.
Timecube.com
is the best damn site on the net, and I'll not believe otherwise!
~Hey kids! Don't forget, Celebrity Guest Update Week is coming up!
Any and all of you are welcome to send in a short (grammatically correct
and spell-checked) piece to be featured right here on the front page!
Wow!
March 2001
[3-14-01]
How did it get to be so long
between updates again? Dammit. Oh well. Celebrity Guest Update Week
begins. Now.
Hey, Hey, Vocephites,
'tis I, the terrible Vomit God! I've been up to sinful things lately,
namely photographing the naked parts of painted women at this years Mardi
Gras with Alberto, Vinnie, and the lord of this very cyber dimension,
Vocephus himself! The streets were full of vomit, beads, and smelled
like B.O. Cries of "Show me your fuckin' titties" punctuated the air.
I was right at home! While I have the chance, I will also plug my stereo
fundraiser here! I need a goddamn CD player, people! Contact me, already,
at beatitude6@hotmail.com.
Oh, yeah, if you want me to review any music, send me a request, and I
promise, I won't be too tough on your dad's Styx records! Haha! In the
meantime, SEND ME YOUR MONEY! C'mon, you don't need booze that bad!
Don't send your money to Sally Struthers! Send it to me, SO I CAN ESCAPE
MODERN RADIO!
NEW AND IMPROVED! GO TO VIOLENT
BUTT SHAKING NOW!
See also: New article from Ogre!
[3-15-01]
Celebrity Guest Update Week continues.
Just let it happen.
Well it is the Big Double D yet again doing an update appearance. Well,
with all my time being consumed by me sitting around doing nothing, I
had trouble with thinking of what to put in the update. I mean every
drunken dwarf gets writer's block sooner or later. So here is what I
am asking the Faithful Four readers to do. Email me (drunkendwarf12@aol.com)
and tell me what I should write about in my next installment for the WOV.
Should I continue with the advice column? Go old school with the chat
exploits? Or maybe do something new like an alcohol guide? You tell
me! I give you power, take it while you still have a chance. Until my
next installment, check out my friend
Hank
the Angry Drunken Dwarf.
That guy knows how to party it up. I bid you all an alcoholic evening,
Vocephinians!
[3-18-01]
Good evening
people out there in internet land. I am Kaiser, long have I sat
still and watched the world grow into the sad lump of feuding garbage
it is. I am hereby claiming myself Emperor of All! Yes, that
does include you. I will be a fair ruler, but incure my wrath and
you sign your own writ of damnation. I am now your God and King.
Cry not, for all will be well, and to enforce my claims, I will begin
my conquests in Southern California, all who stand with me shall benfit,
all who opposse shall be reaped
and shucked of their very souls!
I've been working on this
for Jixby.
It may be familar to some of you...
[3-22-01]
There will be a breif pause in
Celebrity Guest Update Week and subsequently a moment of silence while
I hearld the coming of the newest writer to join the proud ranks of the
WOV! I want you all to meet Dr.
Cox Robotika, and read in the wealth
of poetic mastery he will offer up (on a page of his own design, nontheless!).
Hmm....Cox, Vox...Vox, Cox....where's David Letterman when you need him?
I also have some dastardly new delights from Vomit God, but I must prepare
a separate place for them for fear of the all-knowing Geocities "puttin'
tha smack down" as it were. I've also weeded out some of the
dead links from Miscellaneous Non-Such, and have a bunch more to put in
there, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon. In the meantime,
check out wayweird.com
for a few laughs.
[3-28-01]
Hey, it's Raphael filling in for Vox. And may I say that the apocolypse
is upon us and soon fire and brimstone will rain from the sky as Ogres
invade from Denny's led by Kaiser! So pray to your Vomit God before
you drink with Drunken Dwarf and hope you don't end up in hell playing
cards with The Mike. On another note, may I say that I went to that
site for TimeCube
and read it, hoping to gain some insight into what the hell he's talking
about. Well I read and now understand some of his theories and fear
that I have become stupider because of it. That seriously isn't a joke,
hey Vox you should put a disclaimer upthere, a couple more visits and
I fear I shall be listening to N'Sync. I have a couple links
here nothing amazing unless your looking for a career
or just killing some time.
Hey I guess I'll catch you later then.
That would have been a really nice update to use to link to new stuff
from each staffer, but it didn't happen like that, did it? However, there
is something
terrible from Vomit God...
April 2001
[4-1-01]
The
Bill Cosby Plays are already the
talk of the web...okay, so they're not. But this much is true, there
is a new one up as we speak! There's also a new piece from Ogre
to check out.
As for the links
portion of the site, I realize it has as of recently fallen by the wayside
in lieu of spot-lighting the staff writers. Initially, that is what
I had hoped to accomplish. But for those of you who enjoy
the stray
link or so that finds it's way to
the front page, fear
not! For this update is riddled
with a collection of random
links I've been waiting to share
with you.
And while we're on the subject, I have recently went through the Miscellaneous
Non-Such collection and weeded out some dead links.
I'll be throwing some
new ones up in there before much
longer. Viva!
[4-5-01]
I now have a new favorite website: www.manbeef.com
Is it real? I don't think I wanna know.
In other news, I have discontinued the Inside Geocities section due to
lack of interest (mine, that is.) The links that are still active
will be moved to Miscellaneous
Non-Such sometime soon. (Yes,
Raphael, Berries
Of Doom will still be there.)
And what hath Vomit God wrought? Yes, it's another delightfully
delinquent Bill
Cosby Play. Don't ask me,
I just work here. And yes! There is a new photo play in development
as we speak! It may be my best work yet, but it remains to be seen.
Until then, there are exactly a plethora of new Rocks
Of Randomness to help you ponder
the deep questions in life. Like, "How
many licks does it take to get to the center of a Drunken Dwarf?"
[4-6-01]
Having finally reached the end of my rope with the old message board,
it is now gone. A brand new one is in place (access it at the bottom
of the page as always) You do have to register to use it, but it
is far superior. Type to you later!
[4-17-01] On an unusually serious note, Joey
Ramone has been inducted into the Dead
Rock Stars Club this weekend, and
The Mike has written an
article in memorium. "Hey
Daddy-O...I don't wanna go...dowwwwn to hell. It's dark down there.
Hey, Romeo! I don't wanna go!"
We'll miss ya, Joey. Say hello to Sid for us.
And on to the usual sillyness, there's a brand new photo play up for viewing
as promised. In the same vien as Raphael's
article on how to write for the
WOV, I personally take you, the Faithful Four viewers on an in-depth tour
of the goings-on behind the scenes here at the site. It's what you've
always wanted to ask but were afraid to know about the World Of Vocephus!
Check
it, yo!
[4-19-01]
Good Lawrd! There are so many new links in Miscellaneous
Non-Such, I don't know how to describe
it other than to say there are a lot. And in other splendid news,
Kaiser!
has graced these pages with yet another new piece, and I liked it so much
I decided to re-do his page. I think he, and you, will all like
it very much.
To follow up my recent tirade
on my taxation (without representaion!), I must tell you; I caved.
I begrudgingly mailed away eight of my hard-earned dollars to the state
of California. I hope they use it to make a speed bump in a government
parking lot.
HELPFUL TRANSLATION OF THE DAY:
"I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level."
~equals~
"Now we get to have sex."
[4-20-01]
by Vomit God: Joey Ramone, I Remember You
I know this is a late tribute, and I know that The Mike has already written
a tribute, but I feel that I should say a few words of my own. Last Easter
Sunday, a great man passed away. Joey Ramone, at the age of 49, died of
lympatic cancer. Apparently, he had been fighting the illness since 1995.
Many of you out there may say, "Why should I care about him?"
I'll tell you why now: Joey, along with Johnny, Dee Dee, Tommy, and the
countless others who have been Ramones, saved music. They saved it from
the 20 minute long epics that were plaging modern radio. Possibly, no
other band had ever inspired countless teenagers to pick up guitars. Joey
showed the world that you didn't have to have a particularly nice voice
to sing. He showed the world that anyone can rock out, and have a great
time doing it. Joey was reality. Joey was the truth. Joey wasn't afraid
to sing about Nazis and circus freaks. (A tear is honestly in my eye.)
The first song that kids learn on the guitar is "Blitzkrieg Bop."
Without the Ramones, punk, and music itself, would be meaningless. Thank
you, Joey. Thank you for your inspiration. Gabba Gabba Hey.
It's never too late to pay tribute to a man that has truly influenced
so many of us. Thanks, VG.
[4-28-01]
If we can keep it to one update a week, we'll
be sailing... But I've been saving some good stuff to display here
on these pages, and I'm sure you'll approve. If not, I'm sure I'll
sleep just fine anyway. Kaiser has this
for us to read, and it's chock so
full of WWII era Communist propaganda, Joseph McCarthy himself is afraid
to read it. Drunken Dwarf put
this together for us, and it's so
full of shameless advertising and plugging, Ron Popeil himself is too
ashamed to read it. Ogre scrawled
this out for ya, and it's so crazy,
Charlie Manson refuses to even look at it. Two of the
greatest minds on the internet clashed,
and Oscar Wilde himself can't stop reading it. Mike did
this, and it's so bizarre,
no one should read it. I'm kidding, of course...Mikey only did half
of it.
Plus: Sluggy
is cool, and Super
Greg is super. Be sure to
check out the video.
May 2001
[5-2-01]
Vomit
God has written the
greatest article ever. What
else do you want?
[5-4-01]
Aren't
we the lucky ones? It's either feast or famine with the updates
these days, but it looks like we're in a bull market here at the WOV.
Enjoy it now, because the next update probably won't culminate until late
December.
Plays, plays, plays...all they ever wanna do is write plays now.
It's like Masterpiece Theater around here these days, although decidedly
less British. Anywho, here's another one Kaiser!
whipped up for us. I've not read it, but he seems to think it's
good. Someone will have to let me know. But I know there are
Nazi's in it, so it's probably worth checking out. Oh, and
Kaiser...think you've smoten me by not spell-checking or editing your
work? Consider thine self smitten right back...I'll not do it for
ye! HA!!
In other site news (I know all four of you are dying to know), there are
at least two, maybe three new writers lined up for the good ol' WOV.
You know that means, right? More chances for new stuff to show up
in the updates when the other staffers have slacked off. Or as Drunken
Dwarf would have you believe, it's due to the writers strike in Hollywood,
and not lethargy as I previously thought.
You'll only get one link,
and like it.
[5-10-01]
If
you all came here for family fun today, you'll not find it. Instead,
you'll recieve a fierce thrashing between the ears from non other than
our own terrible Vomit
God. You might wanna tuck
the kids in bed before checking that out. And behold! To further
prove that there is no discrimination (or prescreening, for that matter)
involved for becoming a WOV staffer, I introduce to you Gandhi
Mangler!
So I'm reading this site, www.baiting.org,
right? And I realize it's probably the funniest, most brilliantly
concieved site I've laid eyes on since...well, since this one. And
I also remember some people asking about the time travel sites I used
to prominently feature on the old site (which were criminally left out
of the Great Geocities Exodus some months back) and I wish to post them
here now. The first one is for the Time
Travel Research Center, which also
contains a great section about proof that time
travel has already happened.
The second is for the Time
Travel Institute, and it's got a
fantastic section on theories of the outcome of traveling through the
4th dimension. Enjoy!
[5-19-01]
Alright!
I've made you all wait long enough...and now for total World Of Vocephus
Update-O-Rama! First off, there's a bunch of new
Rocks to enrich your understanding
of life. There's a new rant from Vomit
God, who has declared war upon all
ravers. Raphael...well, I'm hesitant to say wrote...but anyway,
here's his new
rant. Kaiser
wrote a new play about Nazi's and Sean Connery. And last, but not
least, The Mike has this
for us...well, more for his lady love Sara, but you can read it too.
If ever Vomit God asks you, "want
to see something very tasteless?"
you know you're in for a treat. For the next half hour or so, the
VG and I were duking it out, seeing who could out-sick who with disturbing
websites. Some were pretty
damn funny, while others really
made
you think. When all was said
and done, the only thing I wanted was Hockey
Jesus. This kid is sacking
our saviour! How friggin'
bold is that??
In other site news, I've finally had it...as the eve of The World Of Vocephus'
one year anniversary approaches, I feel the need to redo the whole bugger
Be on the look-out for the Improved-But-Not-Really-New
WOV 2.0! It'll take awhile, and
I'll probably save the main page for last. But little by little,
the older pages shall be revamped and brought kicking and screaming into
the year 2001...after all, it is the future now.
Also, the wildly unpopular WOV message board has officially merged with
the signifcantly more popular Jixby
Phillip's Board-O-Fun! It's
the same style board, so I don't really expect anyone to bother to sign
it now, who hasn't already. But it seemed like a nice thing to do.
[5-31-01] You'll
get nothing but links, and like it. Think of them as warp zones
to higher levels...or lower ones, depending on your taste.
Warp
Zone 1 ~ Warp
Zone 2 ~ Warp
Zone 3 ~ Warp
Zone 4 ~ Warp
Zone 5
June 2001
[6-18-01]
Hoo ha! It's update time! I think
this must be the longest I've gone without doing an update, but who knows.
What matters is that I'm back, and I haven't forgotten you...well, most
of you, anyway. And for once, it's not due to the laziness of said
web-site-maker-guy. The foul Geocities page builder thing refused
to load on my computer-machine, making updates quite impossible.
Updates I really wanted to do, too. But with the advent of summer
school, and thus the close proximity of the ultra-fast computers in the
computer lab, I am back, and hopefully more frequent than as of late.
So now, without furthur ado, enjoy this special All Vomit God Update-O-Rama!
First and worst of all, there's a brand new Bill
Cosby play to read. There's
also not one,
but two
new articles by the deity of lung butter himself! God, that's a
lot of vomit, Vomit God! (Oh!
A clever turn of the phrase...score one, Vox.)
And then, for no reason at all, this.
[6-21-01] Stop.
Listen and collaborate. Vox is back with brand new update.
What ho? A rather poetic update from none other than Dr.
Cox Robotika today! Read one
to a loved one today. Also, Mr.
Mangler has produced something I
thought was worth reading at least once. And Mr. Ogre has instructed
me to point you here
for further updates on his chronicles in Olde Mexico. As your website
captain, I thought I'd also whip a little dissertation
up for you as well. I think you'll find it informative as well as
entertaining. Remember, a spoonful of Rocks
helps the update go down.
I had some links (good ones this time) but I think I'll save that for
next time, kiddies!
July 2001
[7-3-01]
Once again it's time to reach deep into the
bowels of the internet, and pull out some choice and tasty linkage!
We thought they were gone, but Night
Of The Creeps is still alive (so
to speak) and kickin'! Need answers? Senior
Pastor Brian Tarariki answers even
your stupidest queries with the Word of God. On the other end of
Christianity, eXtreme
Elvis is tearin' things up as only
he can. Ladies, if your man won't stay under your thumb, then keep
him under lock
and key instead! Genital
Origami anyone? I'm completely
hung up over these arousing
plush toys. Grab the kids,
it's family
game night! Anti-American
humor is so much funnier when it's
done by Americans, dammit.
August 2001
[8-02-01]
Welcome
to the new and/or improved World
Of Vocephus! Colorful, ain't it? Go ahead...take the time to explore
it, you'll find that all of your favorite features (and even the ones
you don't like) have been completely revamped and brought into the Modern
Age of Web Design!
So what
have I for you, the Faithful Four Readers, after having waited so long
for this auspicious occasion? The question, kids, is what haven't I for
you? (Can we get a grammar check on that?) For starters, there's new stuff
from old favorites Raphael,
Drunken Dwarf, Vomit
God, and Kaiser. And what
site re-launch would be complete without some new surprises as well? Well,
if you said it wouldn't be complete without some new surprises, then do
I have a treat for you! Please welcome aboard Desservo,
the newest staffer to grace the pages of WOV!
So now you're
thinking to yourself, 'well...this is all well and good, but where's
the beef, Vocephus?' Well, friend, as the saying goes, the beef is
in the pudding. While WOV has adopted a new, slick exterior, you'll find
that it still retains it's rustic charm and over-all inter-web excellence.
The front page has been simplified, and I enlarged the type of the side
navigation for our elderly audience. And yeah...the annoying green type
is gone, too.
While we're
all very excited about the new site, after doing some digging around,
WOV regulars might notice a handful of things missing. Don't bother filling
my inbox with complaints, the whole shebang will be uploaded here in no
time, but by and large the new site is completely up and humming. And
best of all? NO MORE BANNER ADS! WOO! A very special "thanks, dude"
goes out to Grimm for allowing me web space on his ultra-cool server.
It is quite choice.
On a side
note, in six days it'll have been one year since WOV launched onto the
pages of Geocities. Expect some bally-hoo about that coming up soon. If
you need to get over to the Geocities site, it's still very much functional,
and you can find it here.
[8-05-01]
Ah, yes...the second update on the new page format, and it already feels
like home. At least it should...this is where it's all a-gonna happen
from now on. There's still quite a bit of stuff left over on the Geocities
site that I've yet to drag over here yet, but it's all coming over in
due time. For now, let's continue on with the subject of newness, shall
we? Here's one from Vomit God,
wherein he lists various groups of people he wishes death upon. Which
category do you fall into?
Also,
WOV's own Raphael The Contradiction
is currently roaming around the continent of Europe. Doing what, you ask?
What he does best; sheer randomonium! He's dropped us an update from across
the pond to report his progress.
And since
I don't think anyone read it when it was posted the first time, I'll post
it again and say that it's new. I've written a dissertation
on chain letters that I think you'll find educational and fun.
FUN FACT:
It was exactly one year ago today that WOV went live on Geocities. Hoo-ha!
[8-09-01]
Strange things happen to me. I've actually received what passes
for fan mail regarding the site. Yeah, it may have came from "the
inside", but who cares? The point is, I didn't write them, and I
don't know who did, which makes them bona-fide fan letters in my eyes.
I file them here.
That Vomit
God...always up to one thing or another. Read about his harrowing run-in
with a prepubescent Christian lad.
Also, Desservo, ever a champion of Affirmative Action, has written this
in defense of everyone's favorite
equal opportunity Ghostbuster. Let's give him a hand up, not a hand
out, okay?
Ah, and
while we're at it, let's dig into my Favorites folder, and see what we've
got hiding in there, shall we? Yes, we shall. It's ~Pictionary for the
modern age...iscetch.net!
Fun for the whole family, or an alternative to cyber sex.
~Here's a pretty handy on-line
manual on zombies. You may want to print it, and carry it around in
your back pocket...along with a 12 gauge shot gun. Or at least a good...solid...club.
~Figure this site out. Another fanatic
Christian site, or a hoax. Who has the time to figure these things out?
~Here's the concept: You think of a real low moment in your life, where
you did something really sleazy. Then you write about it, submit it, and
read about other people's experiences. It's pretty low-brow...but that's
the name of the site, isn't it? Check
it.
~It's a gold DeLorean! What more
do you want???
~Finally, a brief,
but poignant truth.
[8-19-01]
Update-O-Rama! Vomit
God talks rock-n-roll. Desservo
talks about the neighborhood. Raphael
talks about...whatever it is he talks about. And a new
photo play to boot! What more could you ask for...some new Rocks Of
Randomness? YOU GOT IT!
Have I gotten any more Fan Mail? YES,
YES I HAVE! What?
You think you could do better? I
dare you.
In other
news, there are rumors that THE MIKE himself has been spotted walking
around the streets of Spring Valley. I've since lost your old home phone
number, Mikey...if you are back in town, gimmie a call, or e-mail or something!
I really
hope to finish bringing over the remnants of the Geocities site sometime
this week (Ogre's and my sections, the Bill Cosby Plays, assorted Drunken
Dwarf stuff, and other goodies). Don't worry. It'll happen.
[8-27-01]
Let
it not be said that the 27th of August, 2001 was without an update! It
took him a really long time to think of it, but Vomit
God has thought of some more people he'd like to launch into outer
space. Kaiser has dusted of Compu-tor,
and managed to tap another play out for us. And in what was destined to
be an exercise in futility, Gandhi
Mangler tried to decipher the female psyche. There's also some new
features brewing behind the scenes. As soon as they ferment, they shall
be cracked open for your visual intoxication.
I really
wanted to use the rest of this update to do some pontificating,
but when I got right down to it, there was nothing. I suppose the paper
I've been assigned to write about Baha California is looming over my head,
and clogging the ol' creative flow. So be it...there's no funny-stuff
for sale here today. Return to your homes. Or, watch
this.
September 2001
[9-9-01]
Lately, I've been going through a bit of writers block. Fortunately, I
have a handful of writers to do my work for me. And I get the glory! HA!
*ahem* Well,
then. Raphael wrote something
new, and it rhymes. Kaiser and I did this,
and it rhymes, too! He was a poet, and he was totally unaware of it. On
the subject of poetic grace, Vomit God has unsheathed his pen and given
us a new rant.
Now, as
impartial as one should be when it comes to showcasing the work of many
different people, let's face it...I play favorites. And the tie for my
favorite article of this update goes to Desservo and Gandhi Mangler! I
had read Desservo's new
article first, and perhaps he has an unfair advantage, on account
of the images supplied by me (and we all know what a big fan I am of my
own work) but the work alone was damn solid. Then, I get the
new one from Gandhi, and I fell out of my chair. It was because the
wheel had broken off, but I resumed reading, only to find that it too
was chock full of hilarity. Decide for yourself, and vote for the funnier
article. The winner will be fired from the staff for upstaging other writers.
On a side
note, I have added some new links in Miscellaneous
Non-Such. Most notably, baiting.org,
the greatest use of instant messaging I've yet witnessed, and the Suicide
Note Generator. Ya couldn't beat this update with a stick! Excelcior!
[9-11-01]
September 11th, 2001. A date which will live in infamy. At least to the
security guards at the local mall today. As if to further prove how desensitized
today's youth are, the staff of WOV spent the day getting kicked out of
department stores, and eating Chinese buffet. Of course, anyone who hasn't
slept through the day knows about the terrible events that transpired
in New York today. And it's not that we don't care, or think that what
happened is not only tragic, but inexcusable...it's just that out here
on the West coast, there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. Especially
for suburban kids like ourselves, who are easily bored. Don't get me wrong,
when I heard the news early this morning, I was very much shaken, but
after about six hours of media barrage, showing the same footage over
and over again...well, perhaps it's our own bizarre way of dealing with
the situation. But let's face it, folks...if you can't laugh in spite
of your situation, then you've already lost.
And so upon
returning home, I set about finding ways to numb myself, seeing as there
will be nothing on television for a good long time. I decided an update
would be a happy thing to do. I open the ol' mailbox to see what goodies
awaited me, and oh boy did I get a surprise! The rumors are indeed true
boys and girls...THE MIKE
HAS COME BACK TO US! His long, strange trip is finally over, thus
(seemingly) closing the books on The
Adventures Of Mike. Time will only tell, but in the meantime, it's
good to have one of our own back on the homefront. WE LOVE YA, MIKEY!
And as if
that wasn't enough fun packed into one days worth of e-mail, I was also
sent this link by an operative of mine. I give you Dancing
Paul. To those of you with slow modems, this is worth every second
of your time. Besides, you'll wait for porn, you'll wait for this.
[9-18-01]
Comedian Carrot Top was arrested and interrogated today, after
it was learned he has bombed in more cities than any terrorist faction
in U.S. history. "These
attacks on our sense of humor may shake the foundations of good taste,
but they will never shake the foundations of good comedy." -
Vox Vocephus
Well, we're
officially past the first week after the henious acts of terrorism witnessed
on the 11th, and it's now time to reflect. More importantly, it's time
to laugh again, and no one's doing more laughing than we here at the
World Of Vocephus. (Except perhaps Senator Gary Condit. Who?
Exactly.) Business will continue on as usual, until a flying
object of some sort crashes into my computer. As a precaution, all toasters
in my house have been secured, and all shoes size seven or larger are
being kept outside until further notice. But who better to comment on
all the recent terrorism than a known terrorist? Vomit
God has this to say.
Bad news
aside for now, there are new goodies to view...soon. Oh, okay, I'll give
you one of them now, but the rest will have to wait, or you'll spoil your
appetite! If you like pictures with funny captions, then you'll love Fragrances
for High School Students.
*SPECIAL
NOTE TO J.J.* I believe you will find this
to your liking. Welcome aboard, sir.
October 2001
[10-1-01]
There has been an update today...but there's one catch: you've
probably read it all before. Explanations are in order! Well, it seems
I finally got around to dragging over the remnants of the old site, and
ended up the day about 95% finished. However, if you are somewhat new
to the site, then chances are this stuff will be new to you. And to you,
the Faithful Four readers, you can go back and re-read the articles and
remember how great they are.
That said,
I unveil the new Ogre section,
and yes, my very own section
is now open for business! As a bonus surprise, there are two never-before-seen
articles on Ogre's page, Flirting,
and A Letter To My Future
Wife! Some long-lost Drunken Dwarf paraphenilia has been found, including
the Chat Exploits,
the 2001 Election rant,
and the haikus! Oh
yes...and you may have thought you were safe, but Vomit God's infamous
Bill Cosby plays
have also found their way over! Don't read them!
As for real
new stuff, I do have some of that, too...but it's on the slab for the
next update. Really, now...what can you expect from me? Funny pictures?
Oh, alright...here.
And to show I'm not a total ass-head, here are some brand new Rocks
Of Randomness! Yee-haw!
[10-4-01]
Good old Gene Ray over at Time
Cube has made clear his sentiments regarding the recent disaster in
New York. Once again, Time Cube promises to save all who manage to figure
out what the hell it is or does.
"Not
everyone will get this...the right people will get this." - Joel
Hodgson
People tell
me they don't understand my
website. But rather than berate them, I thought I might try and understand
another perspective for a change. Is the site just one big inside joke?
Can someone who hasn't read it since day one follow along? I guess the
context of most updates assume that you know exactly what I'm talking
about. The Welcome page explains
it pretty good, but who ever reads those things? So what to do...I could
pander to an ignorant public, and generalize every update. (Hello,
everybody! Today, an article was written by Raphael the Contraction, and
it is probably funny! Click to read it!) However, at the risk of alienating
new readers, this site and it's humor are founded in the tradition of
ya either get it, or ya don't. Of course I want you to get it...of
course I want you to like it...of course I want your financial contributions!
(I swear, I give almost all of it to Jeebus.)
What am
I talking about? Sheesh...I guess I don't even get it. Read a
site better than this one.
[10-8-01]
Today
is new article day! Woo! Newness from Raphael,
a little story that will be continued as soon as he writes the rest of
it. Vomit God picked
out five more of your favorite songs that he hates, and Drunken Dwarf
picked out some stuff that he hated, but some stuff that he liked, too...introducing
Drink or Stink!
PLUS: Gandhi Mangler has
a delightful little narrative on the joys of college football.
Today is
a bad day to be in Afghanistan...then again, it was pointed out to me
that there's probably never a good a day to be in Afghanistan. Ah, good
old blind vengeance. You fuck our shit up, we'll fuck yours up right back.
We kill
people who kill people, because killing
is wrong.
[10-14-01]
Everybody has a great bike accident story. There's no better way
to get everyone involved in a conversation than by bringing up memorable
childhood accidents on these two-wheeled death wagons. "...and
then I looked down and realized my chain fell off...", "...the
whole thing flipped up, and fell on top of me...", "...so, technically
I lost my virginity at age nine..." Some of these stories are
really gruesome! Tales of punctured flesh, gravel embedded in faces, memories
lost due to concussions...are these the accounts of grizzled Civil War
veterans? Hardly. Getting maimed by your bicycle was a mandatory and universal
part of growing up. And of course, these were the days when bicycle helmets
were reserved for the kids in wheelchairs in elementary school.
So why in
the hell do they give bikes to kids?
Kids are
resilient...and stupid. Billy t-boned Erik's bike, and flipped over backwards
and landed on his head. Sure, he didn't move for awhile...sure, he went
home crying...of course we didn't get help for him. As you can imagine,
he was back on his bike the very next day. Parents have a contusion over
fake guns and violence on television, but don't bat an eye when you go
over to Nick's house to build a bike ramp. (I think most of us can attest
to the structural soundness of a wooden ramp cobbled together by eleven
year old children.) Not that I'm suggesting bicycles are a bad thing to
give to kids, but think of it this way: a motor vehicle, that has to pass
a strict series of safety standards, include seat restraints, air bags,
and crumple resistant beams, cannot be operated by anyone under 16, and
not without a state issued permit. A bicycle, which consists of a seat
welded to a hollow aluminum frame, two wheels on a greasy chain-driven
sprocket, and brakes that stop wheel movement (occasionally), but fail
to have any effect on momentum, can be operated by any child who Santa
deemed "good" enough to get one last Christmas.
Eventually,
human evolution will allow for hard exoskeletons over knee caps and elbows,
as well as increased cranial impact resistance. At least helmets are mandatory
now, but doesn't that take some of the excitement out of it?
I remember
I once touched a motorcycle engine while it was still hot. I never did
that again. I remember putting a piece of bare wire in an electrical socket.
I never did that again. I remember going down a steep hill on my bike,
crashing into a neighbor's huge clay flower pot, the entire back of my
bike flipping up vertically, then crashing down sideways trapping my leg
underneath it. I removed the pedal spikes from my leg, picked the bike
up, and rode off. There's something romantic about that, in the kind of
way that the Ninja Turtles pined for April O'Niel.
I suppose
the kid/bike phenomenon will never die out. (Skateboards are for pussies.)
No other device from your youth has simultaneously given so much joy,
and caused so much pain. If you fall off the horse, get back on and try
again...unless, of course you're Christopher Reeves.
[10-17-01]
Apparently the band Anthrax changed their name on account of the recent
troubles with the pesky disease lately. My only response was, "they're
still together?" I dare anyone to name one Anthrax song right
now. Yeah, I couldn't do it either.
Here
we go kids, another bout of Update-Fu here at WOV. Desservo and I both
bemoan the rigors of our respective jobs, he with his Confessions
of a Pizza Delivery Boy, and I with my Open
Letter to Anyone Who's Ever Developed a Roll of Film. Mr. Kaiser has
returned to us with a dissertaion on a subject he's near and dear to;
Gluttony. Raphael has also wrapped
up chapter two of the Night In The Fog
thrill-ogy. Some new Fan Mail, and a handful
of Rocks Of Randomness make for a
pretty tidy update, wouldn't you say? Damn straight.
[10-29-01]
Halloween is possibly the greatest of all holidays. Well, right
up there next to Thanksgiving, anyway, but just as devoted to gluttony.
All the free candy you can carry, plus you get to wear a cool costume.
And I've made for myself the greatest Halloween costume since I was the
Uni-Bomber a few years back: Ghostbuster. Vomit God, Dr. Cox and Desservo
have also joined the ranks of 'the boys in gray'. Expect photos SOON!
But more
on Halloween, there's something about it that I don't quite understand.
There were a few years I was deemed 'too old' for the event, which has
since passed. For example, when I was 14 I went out trick-or-treating,
and almost everyone asked how old I was. At one elderly black man's door,
I was subjected to his observation, "Man, you older than dirt!"
But every year I went after that, I never had a problem. I guess there's
that borderline area where you're too old to go door to door trick-or-treating,
and the point where people are just gald you're not egging their car or
soaping their windows. As with everything else I do that authority figures
dissaprove of, I say this: I could be doing drugs and killing people.
Ranch dressing washes out a lot easier than blood, so think about that
the next time you kick us out of Denny's.
As for matters
of the site, there's quite a bit to do and see today. I weeded through
all the anthrax in my mailbox and managed to salvage some fan
mail. A few more of those wonderful, worldly Rocks
Of Randomness have also been filed. Raphael continues on with his
foggy narrative, Drunken Dwarf rips
off me and Desservo and bitches
about his job, and Kaiser talks about his
toys. Also, today we introduce the World Of Vocephus' very own sex
kitten/staff writer, Hot Alicia! Read her Open
Letter to WOV Readers, and fantasize about her being naked. It's fun!
November 2001
[11-2-01]
It finally happened. I was saying to someone (I forget who) that
when I became famous, I would no longer talk to them. This Halloween, some
WOV staffers and I experienced fame that rivaled that of Peter Frampton,
circa 1976. Read all about it!
Well,
we've seen plenty of Update-O-Rama's around here, but I think this marks
the first MEGA UPDATE I've done here at the good ol' World Of Vocephus.
What is a MEGA UPDATE, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I'd
feel silly explaining it if you already knew. Basically, there are approximately
scads of new articles to be read today. That's all it means. So lets get
right down to it, okay? Here we go!
Raphael
has interrupted his tale of fog, to tell you he
hates you. Vomit God, ever the vitriolic saint that he is, welcomes
the end of civilization. The Mike, fresh from his latest jaunt across
the country has these words for us.
Gandhi Mangler took the time to write this,
so the least you could do is read it. Desservo has this,
and rest assured, it will be his last article. Plus, Hot Alicia evaded
paparazzi and potential suitors long enough to write this.
As if that
weren't thrilling enough, today we also usher in two brand new members
of the WOV Army; Ginger Somos, and Socrates Johnson! Ginger wants
to be a man (who wouldn't?) and Socrates dissects the subtle differences
between Jesus and Han Solo. I could
never tell the difference either.
[11-4-01]
This update by and large, will be used to give credit where credit
is due. I may be the genius mastermind behind this digital realm we all
know as WOV, but occasionally I get a hand up (not a hand out!) from some
folks along the way.
First and
foremost, a great deal of thanks goes out to Grimm, for providing the
hosting for WOV. Not only does the server rule ass, it's scott-free! Grimm
is good people.
Next, you've
all seen them, you've all loved them: the links! While I get a few here
and there from various sources and some personal scouring, the majority
of links featured these days comes from a hidden operative for WOV, one
Agent N. She's been the unofficial "Weird-ass Link Corespondent"
for a long time now, though has yet to receive any mention or praise.
Well, here it is: Agent N is good people.
A big thanks
to Ryan, for providing photos, animations and general praise and promotion
for the site all around. Without Ryan's assist on software, WOV would
probably still be on Geocities and definitely would not look as slick
as it does these days. Ryan is good people.
The biggest
praise of all, however, goes out to WOV's very own Kaiser. This gentle
tyrant saw to it that www.vocephus.com was paid for this next year, so
our little dog-and-pony show could continue to come to you in blazing
Technicolor. Kaiser is good, good people indeed. I give you assurance,
he'll not be voted off the island.
And now
on to some update stuff! Newness from Kaiser,
Hot Alicia, and Vomit
God. One anthrax-free fan letter, and that
about does it.
*NOTICE:
It's that time of year again, kids (or when ever the hell it seems
appropriate) CELEBRITY GUEST UPDATE WEEK is coming! This of
course, is where you the reader/staffer (any difference?) submit
a brief paragraph to be featured here on the front page! (This is also
known as Vox-Is-Too-Lazy-To-Update-Week) Send your submissions to
vocephus@vocephus.com, and
if it doesn't completely stink, your words will appear right here on the
front page! Write on!
[11-8-01]
If it isn't Bill Shakespeare! CELEBRITY GUEST UPDATE WEEK is coming, and
submissions are already piling up in my inbox! (I have two, now.) Send
your paragraph to vocephus@vocephus.com,
and see your words here on the front page! I'll even edit your atrocious
grammar and spelling, so you're not embarrassed when you show your mom
you "done got on the inter-web."
You only
get a small update today, because I've been far too generous with the
good stuff lately. That said, there's another fan
letter, and subsequently, a witty retort by yours truly! Exactly scads
of new Rocks of Randomness await
you to partake of the wisdom they have to offer. And amazingly, the prolific
Dr. Cox Robotika has submitted more poetry
for us to swoon over. E-mazing!
[11-15-01]
This is your last chance to jump on the CELEBRITY GUEST UPDATE
bandwagon. Those who hesitate...
So, onto
matters of the site. As if this anthrax thing isn't bad enough, I get
this new fan letter, and a new nemesis to go
along with it--Move over, Carrot Top. New articles from Vomit
God, Raphael, Desservo,
Hot Alicia and Ginger.
Also an unprecedented first in WOV history, there is a guest
submission in retaliation to one of the articles here on the site.
Who'd a thunk it? Oh, ya...some Rocks
Of Randomness for ya as well. I am too good to you people.
Unlike the
real world, this one can be turned off at the touch of a button. How about
a nice game of chess?
[11-16-01]
By Vomit God
All you people, all of you, are worth about $1.26, but when you connect
all those salts, metals, and slime in a certain way, you're worth millions.
I think that's a
great thing to think about, perhaps to think days and weeks
and months, and even a whole lifetime to ponder. I have a wonderful idea:
Let's take pictures of patterns of moles and acne on each staffer's
body, and we can each connect the dots and make pretty pretty pictures,
HISS!!!
Anyway, I'm sure in this update, there's a great article written by me,
along with some others.
I have only one message to say: And that is.....
[11-17-01]
By Vendetta
Welcome to the fleshpot. Take a moment away from the frustration and folly
of the WOV writers and check out another world - MINE. Be prepared to
leave feeling crazier than a flyin' armadillo!
There's a lot going on in my snow globe world these days. I turned my
application back in to Purgatory
to retrieve my angel wings and halo after last week's devilish debauchery.
What a spectacle! I'm so bad, but it was more fun than listening to the
autistic kid next door tell me stories
in his made up ewok language. So now it's back to my daily grind, writing
big checks to my pretentious art
school (the very fulcrum of my future), and promising them my soul if
I ever drop out. That is, of course, if Sigfried and Roy haven't fed it
to the tigers already. (My soul, not the pretentious art school.) One
quick word on "higher education". Go to Grossmont College for
two years, then go to state for another two. Don't fuck around with small
private schools in small cities you hate - you'll pay 3 times as much
and the administrators have minds no more complex than that of a brine
shrimp. You'll realize six years into your bachelor's degree (like me)
that you are pittiful and are wasting your time and money, and you will
suck the verjuice
of your earlier decisions until you are certain that graduating will only
land you at the bottom of some deeper, darker oubliette when you have
to start paying back your student loans. And to make matters worse, you'll
be old. Alright, Vocebabe said a paragraph, so here is where it ends.
Hope you've enjoyed my bumbling
ostentation, and if you didn't... for fuck's sakes what do
you expect?! I'm no WOV staffer remember? I'm a GUEST CELEBRITY! *sparkle*
[11-18-01]
By Ellery Jones
I just wanted to see my name on the website.
-Ellery
[11-20-01]
By Kaiser
Celebrity Update week is here, and who am I to let it pass me by! I briefly
considered doing a bit of self
glorification but decided instead on a strict diet of internet-marketing.
I for one would like to establish a charity,
the premise: Funds for the further development of my writing skills. The
facts: give me money to pay for whatever I feel of which 1% will go towards
my education.
I’m hoping that Bill Gates got bored on his throne and decided to
visit the world he wants to think he
created, and is
willing to indulge my high hopes of free easy money. Point Osama !
[11-21-01]
By Desservo
I have an announcement. Vocephus is dead. He was found murdered with several
articles of gay
paraphernalia strewn about the room, putting to rest any rumors
of a healthy Christian lifestyle.
The cause of death is as yet unknown (to the public) but I assure you:
it was slow, and painful. I saw to that personally. Don’t relax just
yet. You haven’t heard the best part! The real announcement is that
I shall be commandeering this pitiful
website and re-registering the domain name as Desservo.com
(in due time). I shall become your fearless leader and undying personal
savior and Lord. In the Word of Desservo, I
am God.
[11-26-01]
Alright, enough already with the Celebrity Guest
what-have-you. There's a reason it only lasts about a week...I get antsy,
and desire the use of my forum once again. Thanks to all guest contributors
for making it look like I've actually done work on the site for the past
several days. However, now that I'm back, there's some announcements to
be made:
1.
The Message Board - Not that you signed it anyway, but the Vocephus forum,
formerly hosted on the Jixby Phillips message board juggernaut, has been
shut down for being entirely too naughty. The original Vocephus
board has been dug up and reinstated for lack of a better idea.
2.
Osama-O-Rama - That's right...it's coming, and coming soon. WOV has declared
jihad on the jihad, and our storm of comedy planes will soon be careening
into your monitors. Oh, the inanity.
3.
Hate Mail - There's been rumbling about a certain staffer receiving hate
mail as of recently. As webmaster of this domain, I feel obligated to
address this issue: WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US? Since it's conception,
the staff of the WOV have been writing to an audience that wasn't there.
Never in our wildest dreams did we think we'd ever generate anything worthy
of inspiring a letter of hatred towards any one of us.
We
have arrived.
You
get no new articles and no new links. Hate
me.
[11-27-01]
Very soon I will devise a way to take your money. Until then, the
goods are free, save for the mental anguish. Vomit
God is back with the dish on his job. Gandhi
Mangler has decided it is time to leave. So-crates Johnson had a lovely
chat with Raphael, so I guess credit for this
is devided among them thus. Hot Alicia
also wrote something beautiful.
Apparently,
Vomit God has taken on a staffer of his own. Meet the V.G.'s very own
spin doctor, Armand Glocro. And after
a very questionable vote, (ballots are still missing in Florida) the WOV
welcomes aboard it's newest typing monkey, L.
STATION.
[11-28-01]
It finally happened! MIT will host a debate on Time
Cube in January! Rest assured, I will try to get a transcript of it
for you...ignorant Non-Cubics!
There's
also a small bit of reading for you to do, as I've new things from Raphael
and Vomit God posted. Not much
else to talk about...hey, I know! Let's see what was happening on the
site exactly one year ago! ::image goes blurry, harp music ensues::
[11-28-00] Verily,
it is I again. Indeed Celebrity Guest Update Week could have gone on
for much longer, and I do have a great deal unused submissions in my
mail box (perhaps to be used in intervals in the near future), but I
feel the need to regain my forum. An update yes, but there are no new
articles, no new links...I do have several of each to put up, but this
is all you're gettin' for today. Just a hello, and a reminder that
I haven't forgotten about the site, and I
do love all of you very much.
I ask for very few things in life, and one is for a decent---nay, a
fantastic Spider-Man movie. We have the technology, Spawn, while not
that good in and of itself, showed the world that we have the capability
of making a really kick ass Spider-Man
movie. So don't
screw it up.
New stuff from everyone, and I mean everyone here at the WOV.
After further brow-beating and bully-ragging from the staffers, it will
all go up within a day or so. Viva!
Wow! Wasn't
that great? Boy, things sure have changed since then...
Okay, so
nothing's changed. Go watch a
movie.
December 2001
[12-1-01]
George Harrison is dead, thus making Vomit God's dream of a Beatles
reunion fifty percent complete. Unless of course you believe Paul
is already dead. Not six hours before I heard the news, Desservo was
telling me about some miracle break-through George had underwent and was
going to be fine. I don't know who that makes look worse, Desservo or
Harrison? Oh well...I never really cared for either of their work.
[12-5-01]
Just in time for Chirstmas, it's OSAMA-O-RAMA here at the WOV! All this
week, staffers will be turning in 'terrorist related' (read: 'terrible')
articles for your reading enjoyment, and ultimate learning experience.
If
you're like me and don't follow the news, you probably don't know a whole
lot about what's going on, other than that a couple of bulidings fell
down and this Osama guy is to blame. If you ask me, we should really be
trying to find this guy.
Enter OSAMA-O-RAMA.
In an effort to keep the site's material relevant (let's face it, Jesus
died over 2000 years ago), I put a call out to the World Of Vocephus staff
to submit "a new kind of article" to help explain the situation
to our readers. Like the good Americans they are, they rose to the challenge
to toast bin Laden in true WOV fashion.
Today's
patriotic article comes to us from Vomit
God, who's just as American as mom, apple pie, and Jesus.
[12-9-01]
Osama-O-Rama continues...just let it happen. Profound social commentary
by both Kaiser and Hot
Alicia is now available for your immediate mental satiation. To make
sure you stay on top of the issues of today, read everything you can on
this site. After that, feel free
to rock
out.
[12-10-01]
Here we go again with another round of fun from the ol' Afghanistan
Banana Stand. Today, we Ask
Drunken Dwarf about terrorism, and Desservo
gives us a little back story on bin Laden. I'm
really glad we're doing this now, cos they're gonna kill that bastard
any day now.
[12-16-01]
Wouldn't ya know it? Osama-O-Rama continues...hey, he's not dead
yet, so it's still relevant. The
Mike has come forward with his thoughts on the whole situation, and
Vomit God has set
forth what he promises to be his last word on the matter.
On a completely
unrelated note, there have been a substantial amount of links added to
Miscellaneous Non-Such. Assured
to excite even the most lethargic mind, even on the rainiest day.
[12-24-01]
On the first day of Christmas, Vocephus gave to me a bowl full
of hilarity! Here it is folks, the big finish to Osama-O-Rama Week!* (*note,
all times are approximate) Here's one by Raphael
about how he has nothing to write about for Osama-O-Rama. Long time reader,
first time writer Dragon
Chick gives us the low-down on how she'd like to throw-down with Binny.
Beef Lenin has been seen on the Rocks Of Randomness for many moons now,
and was solicited to write exclusively for WOV even more moons ago. Well,
he's finally arrived, with a
letter to Osama bin Laden!
If that
was the main course, then here's the dessert...L and myself present to
you Episodes IV and V of HOLY WARS:
The Attacking Terrorism Thrillogy. L has penned The
Al-Queda Strikes Back, while I bring you The
Afghan Meanace!
Yes, I know...my
work on this site alone more than makes up for any gift you could possibly
deserve, but I'll throw in just one more special Christmas gift for you,
The Faithful Four Readers. Yes, I give you the gift of friendship...the
everlasting companionship of Smarter
Child.
So what'd
you get me?
[12-25-01]
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
[12-27-01]
There's a war on. The evil Vegetarian Burrito is currently waging
war on the peaceful nation of Stomach. We have faith in our troops, but
it's been a vicious battle: the body count is too gruesome to repeat here.
So, in an effort to divert our attentions from such terribleness, I bring
you an update!
Yet another
piece of Fan Mail is dealt with by yours truly,
while Armand Glocro has taken it
upon himself to dissect all hate mail that has begun to influx. On the
subject of hate, there's another article by Vomit
God to be read.
Oops! I
did it again! Apparently, I was supposed to put this up in the beginning
of December, and because I don't feel like going through the archives
and editing history, I'll put it up now; it's a lovely little bit o' poetry
by Hot Alicia. Also, Raphael
finishes up the Night In The Fog
series (...or does he!?)
No update
would be complete without the obligitory link, now would it? And do I
have a good one for ya: The
AndGor Toy Company. Dig this--not only do these guys offer personalized
action figures, but they have a killer-diller gallery of pre-sculpted
heads for sale!
Check out head 122...he's
my favorite.
And yes,
Virginia, there are new Rocks Of Randomness.
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