HISTORICAL
NOTE:
The World Of Vocephus may have come into existence as early as May
or June of 2000. Its earliest incarnations were not archived, and I didn't
begin saving entries until July, 2000. Even most of these aren't dated.
I guess my misty origins just add to my overall mystique...
July
[Date
Unknown] I am through being cool.
There are easily hundreds of thousands of web pages that exist claiming
to be "cool".
I contend, that if you have to point out that you are cool, more than
likely, you are not. You see, some are born with coolness, some aquire
coolness, and others have coolness thrust upon them. Self-declared cool
is never, ever cool. I'd also like to point out, that spelling cool incorrectly
(i.e. 'KEWL', 'KOOL', 'CÜL') does not_make_you_cool
by default. And please, don't claim that your site is "awesome" if it
is not.
It so happened, I was cruising through the expage.com
directory of humorous websites created, to find where my site was listed.
(I filed it under 'humor' only because there was no category for 'Biting
Wit or 'Profound_Wisdom'
) I never did find my page, but rather, discovered a mass of stupidity.
Obviously, it has become far too_easy
to create web pages, for there are far too_many
useless pages out there.
By now, you might be saying, "Waitaminute...Vocephus, are you implying
that your page is so grand, that you believe you are better than everyone
else on the web? Pah! I scoff at your foolish delusions of superiority!"
No, friends, that is not the case at all. I only claim to be better than
everyone except this_guy.
[Date
Unknown] I'm experimenting with using the smaller font
for the mainpage text...we'll see how long it lasts. Also, over a half-dozen
new links
have been added. There's now an archives
page as well, where entries like these will evenutally be filed. The
early writings went criminally unsaved, but better now than never, I
suppose. Then again, I seem to believe that possibly other people besides
myself ever read my page regularly. Let me have my delusions, dammit!
Apparently, Mike's long distance friend didn't take kindly to the last
entry.
Oh well, to be misunderstood in one's own time... Genius
oft goes unappreciated, and I do too.
"What truths we seek, that which does not offend."
-The_Talking_Bicycle
[Date
Unknown] I think we all expected him to go insane, but
no one could have seen this coming...I have a friend, we'll call him
Mike, who is this week's "Most Likely to Appear On A Day Time Talk Show"
winner. I'll give you the gory details in the order in which I recieved
them: Sez Mikey, "I'm gonna be in North Carolina come August." Sez me,
jokingly, "Oh, no...not another internet babe?" Sez Mikey, "Well, she's
paying for half the ticket, how could I say no?"
Now, there's a shocker. And as if the notion of a peer shipping of across
several states to shack up with a woman he met in a chat room somewhere
isn't peculiar enough, here are some of her stats:
~She's 33 years old. (Mike just turned 20.)
~She's in the middle of a divorce.
~She has a six year old daughter.
~She's now pregnant, and wants Mikey to raise the child as his own.
"What do you want for your birthday, Mike?"
"A wife and two kids!"
"Well, Happy Freakin' Birthday, buddy!!!"
I'm just glad I have such interesitng friends. I wish nuthin' but the
best for Mikey, and his adventures in a land far, far away. North Carolina...where
inbreeding isn't just prevalent, it's bragged about.
...Now, if they would name the kid after me, my life would have meaning.
[Date
Unknown] "We've all heard that a million monkeys banging
on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works
of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this_is_not_true.
"
- Robert Silensky, California University
[7-23-00]
Going to the Comic_Con_International_San_Diego
was pretty cool. Going for absolutely free was even better. I was walking
the streets of Down Town with my good friend Andrew (a.k.a. Vomit_God
) , and we thought it might be good for a laugh if we could score passes
for free to get in. We asked a pair of departing Comic-Geeks for their
used one-day passes, and we were in! I became David, and Andy became
Jeremy for the day. The Con was about to close up shop by the time we
got there, but the Masquerade was just about to begin. Our doughy emcee
introduced us to various freaks and geeks dressed as thier favorite
comic book icons. Most of them involved anime, which bores me to tears,
but there were a pair of Ghostbusters, some zombies, and a guy in a
Mighty Mouse costume doing the Andy Kaufman Mighty Mouse routine that
kept me interested.
Because winning_isn't_important,
we didn't stick around to see who did. Rather, we found a little dance
party going on out on the plaza, complete with FREE FOOD! We ate little
sandwiches and assorted vegetables (Andy's a vegetarian
) until we could eat no more, and took our leave. To cap the evening
off, we ran across some guy lying on the sidewalk, wearing yellow rubber
gloves, various cleaning supplies, lying beside a pile of rubber_dog_poop
and talking into a microphone to a tape recorded voice. Pure genius.
Andy gave him all of his pocket change, but I felt my approval of the
situation was reward enough.
August 2000
[8-1-00]
I suppose telling my friend that she was probably the reason a buddy of
mine got a kidney stone was a rotten
thing to do. How was I to know she'd actually believe me? I wish I could
have read the note she wrote him telling her how sorry she was...man,
oh man.
FUN FACT: Kidney stones are in fact non-transmutable, and quite treatable.
SORRY, LETY!
To those of you (other than myself) that may read this page, you may notice
that I am now dating entries as well as saving them on an archives_page.
"Why waste your time, Vocephus, who's ever gonna read this swill?" Good
question. Sometimes an entry is too_cool
to delete, and seeing as this web-site dealy is scot-free, why not clutter
it up as much as I can? Besides, if you don't like it, you can go here.
[8-4-00]
Hey everyone, WALTER'S_BACK!
And if that isn't exciting enough, it's a total Update-O-Rama here at
THE_WORLD_OF_VOCEPHUS.
Not that anyone may notice, but I seem to enjoy it. Yeah! In the meantime,
check out my favorite web comic of all time, and one of my favorite sites
period, Friend_Bear.
~~Coming soon! Vocephus scours the Geocities directory looking for stupidity!
Will he find it? Yes! What's more, he's gonna make you look at it, too!
HA!
~{WOV
makes it's historic move from Expage.com to Geocities.com}~
[8-8-00]
Alright, here she is...the brand spankin' new, WORLD OF VOCEPHUS...well,
not so much new , as just different ...okay, not so much different , as...
the same but not . However, until the transfer is 100% complete and satisfactory,
the ORIGINAL WORLD OF VOCEPHUS will still be up and running here.
All future updates and additions will be done at the new site. I'm sorry...I
wrote that last bit like anyone else besides myself looks at this site.
Silly me!
Ah, and before I forget...be sure to visit the Running
Man , and see what he's up to.
[8-10-00] Hey kids, remember
Mike? If not, check out the old
archives page at the old site...Anyway, I got an e-mail from Mikey
today, and apparently things are going swimmingly over in North Carolina.
The e-mail goes like this:
well, i'm in north carolina now, and to be honest, it kicks ass here.
not only am i getting along w/ people, but i'm getting some on a daily
basis too. lol anyway, just figured i'd let you know how things are.
maybe u can visit one of these days. take it easy bro, oh and you BETTER
add this to the web page. so, i'll leave you with my favorite words of
wisdom.......
it's only rock and roll, but ...... I LIKE IT! !
-Mike
Sounds awe-some, Mikey. Next time ya get some, think of me, would ya?
And give my regards to the missus. Then send the kids to bed early, with
no supper, and kick back and watch the Rock destroy Triple H. Life is
sweet.
All kidding aside, I wish you the best of luck over there in NC, buddy.
Be sure to send me pictures of you doing funny things in front of the
all the tourist sites.
[8-12-00]
Steady as she goes...The pieces of the site are making their way
over to the new address. Just added, the Welcome
Page, and the new World
Wide Wierd Page (formerly known as See To Believe.) Once the site
gets moved, I'm not sure what to do with the old
one. Should I delete it, and just leave a link up directing the web-traffic
to the new address, or leave it up for prosperity? I don't think there's
any sort of committie on Historical Web Landmarks...which even if there
were, I could never hope to be considered for any such recognition. Ah
yes, and as always, new links abound on the Links
Page.
[8-14-00]
I wonder if anyone ever reads my page. I mean, beyond when I
ask them too. I wonder if anyone other than friends of mine have ever
seen this page. I wouldn't know. Are
you afraid of me? Now, if all you viewers would sign the message board,
that'd be killer-diller. Now that's
a good idea.
Before I started doing this website
dealy, I used to think the internet was just really boring.
Now, I've made a hobby out of seeking out wierd
shite, and putting it up here for all--er, both of my readers to see.
Anywho, why not go check in on Walter,
and see how he's doing. Or who he's doing, rather. Excelsior!
[8-15-00]
Mike has become such a regular feature on this website that...well,
I made him a regular feature.....with
his very own new page! ! Also, a little layout change. I like to
shake things up every now and again. More and more new and Disco-licious
stuff on the way. Stay tuned!
[8-19-00] Not a whole lot
to write about today. I just got my computer reformatted, and it works
like new, plus, my scanner and printer are back in action. (Thanks Matthew!)
I owe him a
nice meal. No other pressing news, other than a new Time Travel page
is in the works, and in another few days, I'll run out of room on the
front page, and start up an archive page. Not that I really need to,
I know all you religious readers already print out and save my brilliant
writing as it is...right? All I ever wanted was to be loved. Someone
out there must like me...
Ah, yes...and now that I've moved the site to the much more liberal Geocities,
I can now link The MIsanthropic Bitch.
She's got a lot to say, and has an interesing style in which she says
it...definately worth a read. Also, it seems that Walter's Mission is
down for the time being...his link will be reinstated upon notification
of it's functionability...is that a word? I sure hope so..
~~Coming soon! Vocephus scours the Geocities directory looking for stupidity!
Will he find it? Yes! What's more, he's gonna make you look at it, too!
HA!
[8-25-00] This is
a call to any and all that read this website, and are familiar with the
Mike Castleberry Saga. If you ain't down with the story, read
up, sparky! Anyway, I'm going to redo the entire page, and make it
real spiffy. I also want to include an interview, for a little Q
& A with Mikey himself. So if you have any questions you want
to ask Mike, let me know. Send all queries in the form of electronic
mail to vocephus@hotmail.com.
Make 'em good, ask anything you want, and by the way "What were you
thinking?" is already the number one question.
Not much else new, sadly. Work and school keep me so busy, I don't
even have time to---well, never mind my personal schedule, I ain't got
time to do nuthin'! I should look for new links, as I haven't done
that for awhile. People always ask about this
one, which is on the links page,
but is perhaps labeled unclearly. I'll
be sure to fix that.
September 2000
[9-3-00]
Great God,
it's been awhile since I've had a minute to update the ol' site. I guess
since Mike
is back in town, I've sort of lost my purpose for the time being. It's
alright, it'll be good to see the lil' scamp again. I really should return
his calls...
Well, a lot's been happening lately...new job, school's back in session,
and there's nary a free moment to be had for the good ol' WOV.
But I imagine once everything falls back into the doldrums of routine,
I'll find more time to spend here. Updates around other parts of the
site in progress...little surprises I'm sure you'll take the time to explore.
Excelsior!
[9-8-00]
Nuthin' much new...a few new links scattered here
and there...fixed
a few glaring spelling errors...and I think I'll make a nice conclusion
page for the Mike
saga. I finally have a pic of him, but the bastard makes sure I get
it long after he's returned home. Better late than never, I suppose...but
never late is better. Despite the fact that you've all but robbed this
website of any form of purpose or real interest it may have ever had,
it's good to have ya back buddy.
[9-12-00]
VOCEPHUS WANTS YOU!!! It has come to light recently (tonight) that some
of those who read this website (or those who have at least heard it was
"cool") may wish to make some form of contribution to the wonderful WOV.
To these individuals, I say, "killer-diller." Whatever anyone would like
to add or contribute is more than welcome...providing it doesn't completely
suck. And
hey, if it does suck, I get to make fun of it, and you'll be humiliated
in front of the tens of...tens of people that visit this site. So bring
it on, yo! (Hey Mikey, why don't you get in on this too, buddy? You've
already got a loyal fanbase!)
[9-14-00]
Ah, it has begun! The World Of Vocephus Reader Contribution Extravaganza!!
Our first submission has arrived on my desk tonight, from one Raphael
The Contradiction. An interesting piece indeed, and I hope they keep
a-comin'. Mike, I'm still looking in your direction...I think everyone
would would enjoy a regular column by Spring Valley's favorite wayward
son. How 'bout it? As for the rest of y'all, be not afraid! This site
recieves upwards of three to four hits per day, and growing. Be seen!!
[9-16-00]
by Mike:
So you say you'd like to hear from the Legendary Mike, huh? Well, I'd
be proud to address all the wonderful folks who make the WOV the 1,510,867th
best site on the net. lol Anywho, I can only imagine how many people
read about my
antics in good ol' NC, so, to all you
fine people, feel free to send me your comments at: CREEPINGDEATH780@aol.com.
Ask me anything you'd like, and I promise to write you back.
Much love to all,
Mike
Sweet. Lemme know what you wanna name your column Mikey, and I'll
make it so. I'm finally amassing some content here. It would be nice
if the links portion became more of a side show than the main attraction.
Keep it coming, kids. That said, here's a link
for ya.
[9-17-00]
If there was one site that said "me" anymore than the one you
are viewing, then it would certainly have to be the one I found tonight.
I think I've reached the zenith of my internet experience...I mean, how
can it get any better than this? Behold...you are one click away from
My Virtual Mecca.
[9-20-00] As
the days and weeks trudge on, I realize more and more that I am not meant
to go to school. I think I better
just start playing the lottery, or become adept at a real skill, like
pick-pocketing, or pan-handling. Or maybe I'll just change my major to
alchemy.
I don't know, but something's gotta give.
Anyway, I've been telling some people (those that haven't heard yet) about
emulation, and it's awesomeness and such. Basically, you download a little
program that runs exactly like your old Nintendo, Atari or just about
any other console/arcade/computer system out there. Then, you go and get
yourself some ROMS (games), and you'll be playing Bubble Bobble just like
it was the fifth grade all over again. This here's a quality site to get
some emus and some cool ROMS. It's called Pure
Emulation 2000, and they have everything you need to get started...and
did I mention it's all 100% free? Yep...they even have Dig Dug...parts
one and two.
[9-28-00]
Exciting things are afoot here at the WOV.
While I'm far too tired to post them up tonight, there are new submissions
from Mike, Raphael, and Manfretti ready to go up, and I expect one soon
from Vomit God. How can you just sit there? Get up and dance around for
joy! Better yet, go watch a Radiskulll
& Devil Doll cartoon.
I'm signing up to take the same web publishing class as this
guy.
[9-29-00]
by Cake.
As I walking down the street after dinner, I saw a dead monarch butterfly
lying on the sidewalk. Half of its body was gone, but the wings were still
intact; some unfortunate bird had probably tried to eat it and had discovered
that brightly colored insects do not make tasty treats. For some reason,
I really wanted to take it home with me. I even went so far as to pick
it up, but put it down as I realized there was no justifiable reason for
me to be carrying around a dead butterfly. Just seemed a shame to leave
it on the sidewalk, you know?
Use its power for good and not for...hell...just use its power.
October 2000
[10-2-00]
Hey kids, Vomit God's list of the Top
50 Rock-n-Roll albums of all time is up! Go and look at it, it's
very discolicious, and 100% Beatle Free! A tasty new treat from Raphael
is also now available for viewing. Also; you know him, you love him,
and now you can hear what wisdom and wit he has to impart...go and read
Mike's column
right now!
I'm lonely, and don't have any friends. Real
Doll, can you help me?
[10-3-00]
Yeah, I know. I haven't been updating the World
Wide Weird section as often as I should. It seems nowadays, all the
kooky sites I find end up linked in the text on the main page here. And
as promised a long time ago, there is a time travel page half completed,
although I have doubts if it will ever glow on your monitors. We shall
see. As for links, they've been in short supply lately. So for old
times sake, I went ahead and pinched a few for your hungry, naked eye-balls.
Excelsior!
Semenex ~ 1st
International Bizarre MPEG Film Festival ~ Weird
Band Names ~ Kill Your
TV ~ Gothic
Role Models ~ Jesus Diet
~ Penis-Envy.com ~ Buy
A Cow Pie ~ ...and one old favorite, Horse
Balls!
[10-12-00]
Here's an update for update's sake. It's been awhile, I know it.
My Faithful Four readers deserve better than that! The good news is that
Vomit God's next installment of The
50 Greatest Rock-n-Roll Albums is up for your viewing pleasure. Just
in time for Chirstmas! And yet
another installment of the MIke
Files is ready to read as well...and goddamn...he's pissed! Read
with caution. On the subject of Mike, I have it on good authority he
may be taking yet another trip across this great nation of ours for more
fun and exitement! It's all very preliminary, but rest assured THE
WORLD OF VOCEPHUS will bring you up-to-date coverage should Mike take
another field trip. Viva!
[10-16-00]
I'm Luke Skywalker, who
the hell are you?
So there I was, cruising my own page (yes, I'm that vain), and I happen
to stumble into the ol' Message Board. I needed a good laugh. And I'll
be damned if I didn't see a whole slew of new entries, all for little
old me! I feel so loved...so cared about...so...oddly
hungry all of a sudden. Never would I have thought that I'd be linked
by the cooler-than-ALF-stuck-in-the-freezer Jixby
Phillips! Talk about killer-diller. While we're doing shoul outs
and such, I should mention that the loveably dangerous Mr.
Humphrey has also given me E-Props.
Yes Shelly, you are indeed one of the Faithful Four readers of the Grand
Ol' WOV! The few...the ashamed...the VOCEPHITES, as Mikey coined it,
I believe. So, counting you, myself, and mom and dad....yep, that's four!
Thanks for your patronage!
Also, before you leave to fill your hard drive up with Tori Amos MP3's
and pics of girls putting various objects in their orfaces, check out
Raphael's newest
story!!
I'm really glad this guy's
website is still up...after all, it is the heck better than mine.
[10-17-00]
Mike's
new article is up, and true to form, he's taking out more aggression
on various pop culture institutions. And before you ask, yes I've seen
Kinjite, and no, I don't recommend you watch it. Oh, and once, my band
played at a show P.O.D. was supposed to play at, but they didn't show
up. So I guess you could say I have 'connections' in the music industry...in
a very round-about way...actually, not at all.
Yes, I still have all of Mike's past submissions saved, as well as Raphael's
and others. Once I have a few more, i'll create their own little respective
index pages, so you can access all the past glory and wit over and over
again.
Learning your ABC's was never
so much fun!!
[10-18-00]
There's some new blood that's been added to the staff here at the
WOV. You'll come to know him as
Drunken Dwarf, and he'll be sharing various chatroom exploits with us
in the days and weeks to come. And guess what? I'm even featured in
the first installment! Look for that coming up this weekend. Excelsior!
[10-23-00]
Yeeeah, baby!! The next installment of Vomit
God's Top 50 Albums list is up and ready for your viewing pleasure.
Ya know, it's not easy running a regularly updated popular website...or
so I've read. It's hard to keep up, what with all the competition
on the web these days. It seems no matter how good
of a site you have, there's always someone that's doing
it better. There's just too much good
stuff out there.
~~I was in the middle of writing that last piece there, when I realized
I probably lost most of my readers to that last link. You'll probably
never read this
far. Then again, was it really worth it? No---I didn't think so
either. This is what
you want, this is what
you get.
And to think...all the answers were on a Geocities page
the whole time! (slaps forehead.)
[10-27-00]
Yes, the rumors are true! No, Van
Halen isn't getting back together, it's Drunken
Dwarf's Splendiferous First Article! Oh joy! Oh rapture! Oh
look, a link!
There has been a lot of reaction to Vomit
God's Top 50 Rock-n-Roll Albums of All Time list. Some who constantly
pester me to put up the next installments (and yes, I do know what the
number one album is, and you don't), some who indirectly retort to the
opinions expressed therin, and those who start trouble on certain message
boards.. I for one, love it. My little staff of writers offend you so
I don't have to. They're an opinionated
bunch of cranky miscreants, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
JOIN US.
Hey, somebody make me a link button or a banner. I've been meaning to
do it, but you know... Not that a linking graphic for this site is in
high deamand here on the net, but hey. I think it would be cool to have.
So all you artistic (or autistic) people out there, get out those crayons!
Fire up those glue guns! Cut that construction paper, and MAKE VOCEPHUS
A BANNER! Yeah!
[10-29-00]
I've recommended this site in the past, but it's been changed
quite a bit. I'd like to give you the direct link to the site, but I
think that would be cheating. Anyway, on a day you have about an hour
or two to kill online go to hell.com.
It's a little confusing at first, but play along and get to the part where
you sign up on the guestlist. Do that, and you'll be sent the link to
the guts of the site via your e-mail. Trust me, it is well worth while,
and nothing quite like you've ever seen. Excelsior!
Plus, more from Vomit God and Raphael coming very, very soon! Don't touch
that browser!
[10-30-00]
He's the best, he's the beautiful, he's the only...MIKEY!
He's back!
[10-31-00]
The Halloween update!
Ah, yes. Despite being smack dab in the middle of the work/school week,
Halloween still managed to be quite the enjoyable evening. It all began
for me at work. Got to wear my bitchin' rock
star costume and hand out candy to little kids. When there was a
lull in the action, I ventured out into the mall (I work at the mall,
but not at one of those cheesy places; it's a camera store) anyway, I
went out into the mall to scope out what the other stores were handing
out. So there I was, in the middle of a successful trick-or-treat session
in the mall, when a security guard comes up to me and asks how old I am.
"I'm fourteen, sir," said I,
if one can concieve of a six foot tall fourteen year old. The security
guard could not, and I was issued a cease and desist on the spot. He
went on to explain that it was for the kiddies, and other reasons I didn't
deserve to be there. Nevertheless, I was still on the clock over at work,
and I did make my way to over three quarters of the mall before my tyranny
was put to an end. That's right...I spit right in the face of your rules
and laws, Grossmont Center.
Oh, the story doesn't end there, kids. The WOV
photographers were on the scene later that night and documented the evening,
for a photo play which shall appear on this page in the very near future!
And if that isn't cake enough for ya, I may have recruited two new writers
for the ol' WOV.
Identities and content of contributions is still in negotiation, and details
are very preliminary, but let me tell you this; any one who dresses up
as Jesus for Halloween
has got some serious style and/or emotional problems...the only two prerequisites
to work here!
November 2000
[11-2-00]
We're
getting closer to #1... Find out what the next 10 albums on Vomit
God's list are! Also, check out some good clean family fun over at
Stick Death.
[11-4-00]
Exciting
things are afoot behind the scenes at the WOV. I have just registered
the domain vocephus.com, where you will soon be viewing the soon-to-be-revamped
site! However, a heated debate has arisen in the midst of the changes;
Should the WOV adapt to a fresh new look? Perhaps a more contemporary
site design? Or should it keep it's rustic charm, it's blatant simplicity...or
does it just blow? Is the brick background, which has been a trademark
of the site since it's conception, a testament to it's heritage, or does
it need to go? It's a tough call. I wonder what my Faithful Four readers
might think...let's have a moderated debate, perhaps on the message board.
Does the WOV move into the future, or should it's elementary design remain
a stoic rebellion against modern web publishing?
On that note, there are also a handful of potential new staffers I need
to get on the ball post haste. Got me a couple of graphics men, and hopefully
a pair of new contributors. Hey, soon I'll be able to get someone to
ghost write my entries on the front page, too!
Much new stuff promised on the horizon: New Raphael stories, new Drunken
Dwarf stuff, new Vomit God list, and hopefully, new updates on the Adventures
Of MIke. Excelsior!
[11-6-00]
It's
official! You can now access the wonderful, wacky, WORLD OF VOCEPHUS
at www.vocephus.com! Oh, how exciting! But wait, there's more! Order
now, and recieve at MINIMAL EXTRA CHARGE Vomit
God's Top Ten Rock-N-Roll Albums of all time! Act now, and also recieve
BRAND NEW
DRUNKEN DWARF HAIKU COLLECTION! (Page layout courtesy of Tha D.D.
himself!)
[11-8-00]
I
don't even have to ask him (in fact, I asked him not to) but Raphael just
keeps those new stories coming. Read
it.
I haven't heard from Mike for quite some time now. Sources confirm that
he did indeed make it out to Milwaukee alive, but he has yet to make a
direct status report to the WOV.
That either means there's a lot of drama going on, or a lot of death...either
way, it makes for spectacular ratings. If you are unfamiliar with the
legend of Mike, I suggest you get with it! Love is no local affair with
Mikey.
[11-9-00]
Oh yes, as promised the Halloween
Photo Play is now up and ready for your immediate viewing! And this
one's hot off the web as of mere minutes ago! Word from Mike has come
in! See what the hell that crazy
bastard is up to now. Is it just me, or is all this traveling and
sexual escapades making Mike a real asshole (more so)? Ah, Mike...will
you ever find love? On that note, I have redone the original Adventures
Of Mike page, with a intro that will really provide an in depth look
at the man, the myth, and the odor. And so, on behalf of all of my readers,
I shake my head in disbelief.
Hey, remember that cerain writing you saw here that really tickled your
funny bone (or otherwise)? Can't find it? Well, now you can! Introducing
the new Staff
Archives page.
[11-14-00]
First off, I tip my hat to my good buddy Jixby
Phillps for the most excellent shout-out and gratuitous linkage.
And now down to business. There's a fresh new article from Mike up, and
I suggest you read
it. Good ol' Mikey is back in true form. If that weren't enough,
there's also a brand new story from Raphael
up and ready to view. Plus! A special Election Time article by Drunken
Dwarf! And I am also very pleased to announce a brand new addition
to the WOV family. He
is the one and apparently only Caelestis per Demens. Hark! The man himself
speaks!
Hello
all, this is my first entry to the World of Vocephus. Upon arriving I
see many a familiar face, and am pleased I have arrived to this place
of splendor. What shall I do now that I'm here. Shall I create a piece
of literarture so profund that I shall be forever immortalized? Or shall
I simply just vomit forth anything that enters my twisted brain, steaming
and fresh, then present it forth to this fine forum? Perhaps a fine median,
who knows, whatever enters my mind could be sure genius. Or it could
be utter crap. So
here is my first entry, if I shall wake
in the cold of night to find an angry mob sacking my abode, then i'll
have a good idea of how it was recieved ; )
~Caelestis per Demens
In other news, I heard from Mikey again this morning. I talked
to him for quite awhile via Instant Messanger, and here's the latest scoop;
Mike is living it up over in Miluakee, and having lots and lots of sex.
Here was my favorite line from that conversation:
"You're gonna love this: Sara thought she might be pregnant a couple days
ago."
Good
God. Well, there's a whole new section of the site, I can see it now;
The Adventures Of Mike Junior: Chapter One - 'The Search For My Father,
That Bastard.' Just when I think it can't get any weirder, it gets weirder.
[11-17-00] Hey you! Do you have three dollars?
Do you have access to a turn table? Well, then open your wallet and dust
of that old VIctrola, because there's some hot-rockin' vinyl you need
to get! Cruise on over to
chokingonprogress.com and find out how you can order their debut 7"
record! Trust me, you'll not be sorry. And besides, it's three bucks...don't
be so damn miserly. Make a kid's day, and buy one now. (If you really
wanna get a copy, and you should, but don't have a record player, contact
me and I'll make ya an Extra-Special Tape Cassette Version! A WOV
Exclusive! Absolutely none of the proceeds will go to Ethiopia.)
Buy animal poop! It's The Garry
Show!. Public Transportation
Adventures! Maybe slavery
wasn't so bad after all! Explain this
site, win a prize! See what
goes on in my town!
And...the only seach engine you'll ever need to use ever again---Click
it, yo!
I am currently bidding on this
item on E-Bay. Wish me luck!
[11-21-00]
by Drunken Dwarf
Hey Fellow Vocephites! Wow...that is a new
one. Anyways, Vocephus had a case of
writer's block, or just a case of complete
lack of enthusiasm, so I am writing the
update! I hope you all approved of my work so far. I wouldn't know since
no one writes on the message board. But I will be back with new
material soon. But until
then, explore this vast crazy world we
call the mind of Vocephus and enjoy.
Now Vocephinians (where do I come up with this?) I shall be off to drink
the night away. Adios!
[11-22-00]
by
Mike
Well, well, well. Looks like my turn to do the front page update, the
one and only Mike. Ok, I know I don't have a cool nickname like everyone
else, so how about this; readers of the site send some ideas to Vocephus
himself, all of us staffers will do a vote, and the winner will be my
new kick
ass nick name. Now
on with the show. You may not know this,
but our friend Vocephus has been very ill lately, therefore he can't run
the site. He contracted a strange
cross mutation of herpes and leprosy, which has spread over his entire
body. If you wish to help our dear friend, send one dollar to:
Defunk Vocephus Foundation
539 Ramona Ave.
Spring Valley, CA 91977
Remember, every penny counts, now on with the madness.
~Hey Kids! It's Celebrity Guest Update Week (or possibly longer)!
Enjoy!
~~Also, over two-dozen links added to the links
page!! Killer-diller!
[11-23-00]
by Shelly
Ok, yaay! It’s about time I got to be on the front page... it’s where
I belong. Ok, so most of you may know me as Shelly,
the one recently kicked to the curb by the one and only Mike. (I forgive
you Mike, actually I got a laugh out of it) Well, since my recent single
status, I have been thinking a lot about flirting, yes, that’s right,
I got over Mike and quickly moved on...to... Christian. Ahhh. Sent from
God,
I’m sure. So, here is a question I’m sure everyone has asked themselves
before, Vocephus himself has even asked himself this before; How can you
tell the difference between simple friendly contact, and flirting???
One of many examples I could give you, a hug. The other day, I experienced
a hug that truly took my breath away. Now, the question is, does he hug
all his female friends this way, or not? Who knows? So I pose this question
to all you Vocephinians (thanks Drunken): How can you tell the difference
from someone simply wanting to be just friends, and someone who is flirting???
If you come up with the
answer...PLEASE...email
me IMEDIATELY. I would greatly appreciate
it. Ok, so back to the update… check out the rest of the site… it
kicks ass… thanks!
[11-28-00] Verily,
it is I again. Indeed Celebrity Guest Update Week could have gone on
for much longer, and I do have a great deal unused submissions in my mail
box (perhaps to be used in intervals in the near future), but I feel the
need to regain my forum. An update yes, but there are no new articles,
no new links...I do have several of each to put up, but this is all you're
gettin' for today. Just a hello, and a reminder that I haven't forgotten
about the site, and I
do love all of you very much.
I ask for very few things in life, and one is for a decent---nay, a fantastic
Spider-Man movie. We have the technology, Spawn, while not that good
in and of itself, showed the world that we have the capability of making
a really kick ass Spider-Man
movie. So don't
screw it up.
New stuff from everyone, and I mean everyone here at the WOV.
After further brow-beating and bully-ragging from the staffers, it will
all go up within a day or so. Viva!
December 2000
UNSOLVED
MYSTERY:
There were more updates in early December, but mysterious forces eliminated
them from existence. Not to be found on either my computer, nor the web,
we are left to wonder if these updates were the best works of the site.
We may never know...
[12-15-00]
There
are exactly lots of new questions in the Ask
Drunken Dwarf column.
Trust
no one, especially the authors of
shoddy
webpages. I'm beginning to think
I should start a new section showcasing why some
people don't need a website. Here's
a prime
example of what I'm talking about.
But I guess if you go looking for crap on the internet, you're bound to
step
in some eventually. Judge not,
lest ye be judged
yourself. (Hangs head in shame
and disbelief.)
[12-21-00] I
could take this update opportunity to tell you all of what's coming soon,
but that would take the surprise right out of it. But I will divulge
this; there are two, count 'em, TWO new staffers here at the WOV.
Vinnie Spagolia and Alberto Roberto have joined the ranks of the few,
the ashamed, the ill-mannered, the Vocephites. And as usual, there are
tons of ideas brewing behind the scenes, all to be unvieled in good time.
You know, a lot of people ask me how I find stuff on the internet. And
I don't mean searching for mittens
on E-bay, I'm talking about all
the wierd,
crazy,
stupid,
funny
shit you often find linked on these pages. (Check out Miscellaneous
Non-Such for my collection of bizzare
links thus far.) People talk about it like it's a talent or a skill...well,
I ask you, is picking up garbage
a talent? Is stepping in dog
poo a skill? That's exactly what
I do, virtually speaking. Fortuneately, some of it's good.
A lot of it makes me laugh,
so I share it with you, my Faithful Four Readers.
[12-28-00]
Well, Christmas has come and
gone, and sadly...I don't really care. It was so much more fun in
my youth. I suppose it comes from working in retail.
On the lighter side, good ol' Drunken
Dwarf is back with some more answers
to your burning questions. And let me tell you, if you have not
yet sent in your question to Da D D, then you are truly missing out.
Also, Vocephites, please give a warm WOV
welcome to Vinnie Spagolia and Alberto Roberto, our new Denny's reviewers!
The first installment of the new Adventures
At Denny's section is now up for
your viewing pleasure!
Vomit God also has a new
article I suggest you read.
Also, he has redesigned his webpage, and it's positively splendid!
The all new VOMIT
GOD MACH 2 is up and humming!
Do pay him a visit, and see what's churning on his side of the cyberverse.
Also, a couple of changes to the Welcome
Page, and the Adventures
Of Mike section. You can thank
me later.
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