Raphael #22: Trouble with Writing

Ok so one day I’m talking to some of the guys about the new update just the usual chatter about what we liked and what we had ideas on. Then Vocephus says that were doing Osama-O-Rama, I had no idea what he meant but I figured it was going to be articles about Osama written by us and having fun doing it. I starting thinking of concepts and trying to figure what would be really funny to do. But one idea kept on popping into my head making me think would Osama have done what he did if he knew Americans for who we really are. That is kinda a serious topic so I wondered how I was going to make it funny, there was putting him in a office building with Bill gates, then I thought I could put him in a odd couple situation comedy with a Jewish guy and naturally hi jinx insues. Then I thought why make it one roommate when I can make it a couple of roommates and when that is said the first thing that came into my mind was The Real World on MTV, I could put Osama in The Real World. I thought “My god this is going to be so easy I mean come on the script practically writes itself.” He fights with the over reactionary black chick they put in every show because she thinks he ate her pigs feet, then he tries to explain that Muslims don’t eat swine, then she thinks he’s calling her a liar and a fight happens. He can walk in on the token gay roommate having sex, it’s even funnier because he’s an ultra conservative Muslim. Then he gets new clothes to try and fit in, imagine if you will Osama in a backwards hat waving some glow sticks around. And in the end they kick him out for crashing 2 planes into the house. And he gets into an argument with the ghost of Malcolm X over which is better, Pepsi or Coke.

I tossed the idea around with Socrates, Desservo and Vox himself and got some good response. So then it was supposed to be easy, just write down the ideas with some dialogue and send it in and get back to writing tales of fog and randomness. Then I wrote it and read it and realized it was CRAP! This has to be the easiest writing I’ve had to do so why the hell does it sound like I can’t use proper grammer. I gave up, who needs this aggravation? I’ve got finals to study for. But it was stuck in brain now, the silent adversary mocking me from inside my computer for my inability to finish what should have been a slam dunk for some easy laughs. I sat down to try and figure how to do it, then after going over it and watching some Real World episodes I retried and this time I let Dr. Coxrobotica read it and he gave me some ideas as I re-read what I wrote and thought “Why the hell am I writing CRAP, what am I, a twelve year old??? Maybe it was lack of caffeine, so I drank Jolt at 4AM to limber my mind and get it ready for battle with it’s own stupidity and lack of ability to make something that I could look back on and laugh at, then as my fingers mashed the buttons and nothing would come out nothing worth reading anyways, god I hate this paper it needs to DIE and go to HELL with no passport and no return ticket GODDAMMIT!!! So stop mocking me I know it’s not done and with Dr. Pepper and Mr. Fritos as my witness I don’t care. DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT, why the hell do I suck? Don’t respond to that or I’ll kick you Fucko. Forget it I’m tired. I guess I wasn’t meant to be a writer, well whatever happens to this country send me pie, because if you don’t the terrorists have already won.