Raphael #18: Raphael Rages

DISCLAIMER: When I wrote this, I didn’t mean for it to become this, but it did, if you are easily offended, by what some would perceive as racism, sexism, vulgar language, or references to drugs, alcohol, or sexual acts, you shouldn’t read this. It’s not even endorsed by me.


First, I Raphael the Contradiction would like to say “Blow me” then I would like to say “Go to hell” then I would like to say “Sunshine lollipops and Rainbows of DEATH!!!” On to the next topic “Screw you” haha, hey this is kinda fun. In fact I wanna keep writing just to see how long you’ll read. I’ll stop this insanity because if I won’t who will, the Kaiser, well he’s not here when you clicked onto this you entered a world of pain that you could not prepare yourself for now remember one stupid word and I’ll open the ceiling cages and let the sky rain candy only it’s not candy it’s poison and by that I mean tootsie rolls. Don’t give those out at Halloween I mean seriously I remember trading candy with my brother and I couldn’t get shit for tootsie rolls and I hated those things, UNINVENTIVE CRACK SMOKING SCREWHEADS! But thanks for the effort. This would be the opportune time to open with a Simpsons pun but then again when is it not time for a Simpsons pun, it’s always time, stop snickering at me or I swear with God as my witness I will shove a tootsie rolls so far down your exhaust pipe you’ll wish you were a Coconut Kennedy, so stop telling me about how much I can save with long distance and get off my Goddamn phone at 8 in the morning is that too fucking much to ask you SUPER DRUGGED OUT SLUT WHORES! What do you want, do you want me to write something entertaining, something that will tantalize your brain and make you laugh at my witty puns, wrong fucking page today, right now it’s all about raging in a non discreet direction to not offend anyone except for maybe some commie Cubans, why because apparently you can’t rage against anyone anymore, it’s un PC, you want me to tell you about PC, I don’t give a half a rats ass if I call a Server a waitress, I don’t care if I use the word black, it’s not used in an offensive way so screw you asshole. I’m not a white suburban male complaining about it, I’m a Hispanic suburban male saying don’t be so goddamned sensitive. If I wanna make a joke about Mormons I’m gonna do it. If I wanna make a joke about Crapistan or Afghanistan, or Fucked in the assastan I will dammit. I don’t care about Mexican jokes, because I don’t drive a low rider, I don’t use the word vato, I’m legal in this country, and I use proper fuckin English when I need to. And one last thing if I wanna accuse Muslim radicals of committing terrorists acts I can, I was right having argued that point to a non citizen Muslim on Sept. 11, given their track record I’d say I’m justified. And if I wanna say I don’t think non citizens should have the Bill of rights I will, why because we could die for those rights and how do non citizens get them, by getting a fucking student visa, That’s ASS MONGER BULLSHIT!!!!

This has been Raphael Rages.

If you have a problem with this send it to the Vox man, because unlike me he’ll actually read it.