KAISER #8: Fun Happy Joy Laser

[10-17-01]

I speak again, and this adding 37% more societal degradation than before! Hooray!

Seriously however, I am going to use my vast media connections here at the WoV to express my personal philosophy for the day: Gluttony! Yes sir or madam, the seven deadly sins are back and ready for action. Now I am not saying print out a “Wrath” banner and punch things all day, though not a bad idea in itself, will just not do. No sir I am saying there is no escaping those seven bundles of joy, no matter their scale or severity. So why gluttony you ask? If you knew me you’d know why. I profess to indulging in almost every cardinal sin, well excluding pride, I never liked him. Before I get into exactly why I, and by extension you all, should be voting for sin I want to clarify that I don’t see sin as active defiance to “God”. No sir or madam I see sin as a bit of human nature coming forth, it may be a test from good ol’ “God” but some you pass and some you fail, you cannot learn by always getting the answer right. Anyway, back to being a blasphemous blabber mouth.

Gluttony, certainly one of my favorite sins. Now it doesn't have to be about food, I am referring to the excessive use or consumption of anything. It could be eating too many Butterfingers for the sheer thrill of the taste, it could be running in circles simply because of the thrill. It’s indulgence folks, and I love it. It may be my American decadence shining through but why not. I tell you people sometimes life boils down to a quote we all know “The pursuit of happiness”. And if I happen to really enjoy eating till I’m stuffed and then falling asleep, to wake up and repeat the process where is the harm? Some could say “Oh no, this will lead only to laziness and doom”. It probably will, but for now I will simply revel in my own simple pleasures. But the ways of a glutton only go so far, what am I talking about? That’s right, being happy. And no I have not gone all soft and teary eyed.

There comes point in everyone’s life when they attain a purpose, they must adopt a goal. I’ll be damned if I know what mine is, but for now one of the things I’m setting course for is sensational appeasement. Why, in all my experiences that’s a bright one. I may not have a goal, that’s why I’m sitting in community college with no hobbies, but one day I will know what I’m doing. Until then I say me, and everyone else out there in the same spot as me, give in and live life as they want to lead it. Cast off your shackles and do what makes you happy. If it meant never reading this article, so be it. If it means going out and swimming 20 miles, or singing at the top of your non-talented lungs, or listening to whatever music you want, even if it means ignoring other for your own sake, so be it. Or maybe it means giving all you have for the furthering of others. I see gluttony as another word for devotion, and those who don’t I say we’re at an impasse. By my definition I say Mother Theresa was a glutton, she devoted everything she had, she reveled in happiness and joy helping others, she was a joy glutton. Now of course I’m not saying that if ripping the arms off of babies gives you a jolly you should do it, I have not brought up morality or justice yet and assume you have some in your head while listening to me. Mayhap in the future I can tell you what I think is just, but my fingers are getting tired and my subject is straying, I am starting not to make sense to myself now, much less the bemused reader.

So as I am hit by lightning from on high I want to leave you with one final message. Everyone needs something to do with their life, from sitting in a dark corner and listening to Smashing Pumpkins to dancing the night away. What I tried to say was that you should seek joy for at least some of your life, and I think the best vessel of joy is Gluttony simply because it is absolute and innocent.


-And remember, Jesus may love you, but I always forget to

-Kaiser