KAISER #11: Osama - O - Rama!

Osama O’ Rama is upon us, and I for one gotta speak my piece.

Who is the man we American are being told we hate, know collectively as Osama Bin Laden. I realize were I a New Yorker I would be screaming for Afghanistan and while they were at it all the middle east into a giant piece of glass. Drill through for oil. But I am not. It’s not to say that I am not riled by the fact that 6,000+ Americans died that day, September 11, I am only rightly upset that it happened. It was senseless, and unnecessary. But what I think most people are missing is that there are reasons for people’s actions. There must be some justified cause in the responsible parties head that shouts “Burn American Burn”. Mr. Powell and even Mr. Bin Laden in a dubbed over video tape edited by our government are saying that the a one Osama Bin Laden is the guy who gave the go for operation “Blow America’s shit up, praise Allah”. I find myself however forced to review that little concept of “why” before I pass my judgment and cast my vote. But I just come to realize that all I know of this entire affair is that some guy in a land far away gave some money to some other people to steal planes and crash them into American symbols, and kill a lot of folks. I would have to say that living on the east coast with no one I know being affected by these events that it never happened gives me the ability to look upon the events with a little less bias as the kid whose dad he is still inhaling when the wind picks up. This position allows me to really look at that “why”, and I find myself only knowing the propaganda, that which tells me that Osama is one baaaaaad guy. So therefore I’m forced to conclude that he did this for one reason:


JEALOUSY


Even though he is supposedly rich, he knows that his million will never afford him the sheer gluttony and indulgence of this righteous nation. Jihad! Shmihad! All he wants is the unadulterated decadence you and I revel in. Osama can’t eat his fill, fall asleep for a while, wake up then complain about taxes and how loud his neighbor plays his music. No, he’s gotta worry about even eating, or perhaps not being able to wake up because his village was shelled by “Godless heathens”. So Osama goes about using God as his excuse to bring down the country he idolizes. That has to be it, when you really think about it who wouldn’t want to live in a country as sheltered as this, with no real worries or troubles. Were I him I’d wanna kill me too.