Hot Alicia #9: If

If I ruled the world, my sister would have to pay her way the way I did. She would not be given a brand new car. She would not be given a free ride through life. Her boyfriend would mysteriously disappear and she wouldn't notice.

If I ruled the world, I would not have to work 40 hours a week, and I would make 10 times what I make now. I would be able to buy my own house and a brand new car and all the cool things I ever wanted.

If I ruled the world, models would be 5'2" and I would grace the cover of almost every magazine. (I'll leave Ebony, O!, and Rosie to someone else)

If I ruled the world, chocolate would be fat free, but taste just as good.

If I ruled the world, girls would have to be nice to other girls. At least in the beginning. After that, they just have to ignore each other if they can't be nice.

If I ruled the world, people who wanted children would first have to prove that they could keep them from running wild and screaming anywhere that I would be, even if I didn't already have a headache- or if I was running around wild and screaming myself.

If I ruled the world, the oceans would be heated and cleaned - not all of it, just the part I want to swim in. No seaweed attached to your leg as you boogie board, no wondering what just brushed up against your leg.

If I ruled the world, baseball and murder trials would never preempt anything on TV.

If I ruled the world, "sick of work" would be a valid reason for using sick hours.

If I ruled the world, Christina Aguilera would not have a job.

If I ruled the world, old men could never call me 'sweetheart' 'dear' or 'honey.'

If I ruled the world, people would have to realize that 'a safe stopping distance' is not an invitation to cut me off. And drivers in San Diego would learn how to merge.