Desservo #2: Winston, the Bastard Ghostbuster

There is a name seldom spoken (or heard) in the mighty halls of Ghostbuster heritage. If you're thinking Ray Parker, Jr., you're close, but incorrect. No, my friends, it is Winston Zeddemore.

Billions of children around the world remember Winston simply as "the black guy" of the group. Well, yes, he is "the black guy" of the group. I won't deny it. But he is so much more. I'll bet you didn't know the following factoids about Winston Zeddemore:
It was Winston who spit-shined the Ghostbusters' combat boots on a regular basis. What would the 'Busters be without their shiny, slick, ass-kicking army boots? Winston did such a good job that they only had to whip him twice for getting lazy. If that's not a good work record, I don't know what is.
When the Ghostbusters were abducted by aliens in the little-known incident between GB1 and GB2, it was Winston who once again saved the 'busters. When the alien commander came out of his quarters and threatened harsh anal probing, guess who stepped forward and raised his hand (and dropped his pants) to suffer so that his fellow GB's wouldn't have to? That's right, Egon. Winston held him down so that he wouldn't squirm too much. Now that's sacrifice. Winston could have seriously strained his arm muscles holding old Spengler down, and then things would have really gone down the toilet.
When the Ghostbusters had a hard time getting the personalized "Ecto-1" license plate for their vehicle, who do you think they turned to for help? That's right, kids. Winston. He touched upon his past "job" experiences and whipped them up a license plate in just two days flat, and it is because of our boy that the Ecto-1 and its legendary name will live on forever.
When the Ghostbusters were low on cash between GB1 and GB2, who do you think brought them food to keep them from starving to death? You guessed it -- score one more for Winston! He brought them copious amounts of fried chicken, watermelon and malt liquor to get them through that tough period of time when business just wasn't flowing. So if it wasn't for our forgotten Ghostbuster, there wouldn't have been a sequel, because the boys would've starved to death!

So you see, Winston is far, far more than the "black guy" of the group. He is the driving force, the backbone, and the source from which the Ghostbusters draw their strength -- and he only calls in sick three times a week! Not bad!

Jesus Loves You

Sincerely,
Desservo