The 17th of October, in the year of our Lord, 2000.
Well, guess it's time for another installment of my now legendary column, lol.
I checked the message board and have a fan, too. Bitchin! Please forward all
questions, comments, death threats etc. to CREEPINGDEATH780@aol.com. Now, some more things that piss me off......
Oasis.......... Ok, more so than Bush, you guys fuckin' suck. What the hell
is wrong with British people anyway, is there something in the water that
fucks 'em up? The last good thing to come from England was Elizabeth Hurley's
boobs.
Limp Bizkit........ Is that street slang for "Totally gay wigger band"?
TRL........ Sums up the music it plays "Terribly Retarded Lameness".
Ace Of Bass.... Ok, i'm a bit late, but they did suck ass.
Vanilla Ice's attempt at rap/rock....... You're not fooling me i still remember Cool As Ice. Word to your motha, bitch.
Kinjite..... Worst movie ever..... made me wanna kill Bronsen... and I still
have the "party" song stuck in my head.
P.O.D.... What the hell? i remember when these guys couldn't even fill a hall
as a local band, whose dick did they have to suck to get on MTV?
"Lick It Up"........ Its so gay, I had to say it again
And finally............... Greyhound busses....you get what you pay for.
The Mike Files #4
The 30th of October, in the year of our Lord, 2000.
Ok, I know its been a while since my last article, but, true genious is worth
the wait. I write this mere hours before my next great adventure into the
mysterious void known as Milwaukee. What magical creatures will I meet? What
horrifying monsters (other then the Brewers) will I encounter? Will I get a
cheese head? Stay tuned to find the answers to all this and more. And now,
more things that suck:
A very special episode of anything....... also known as something unusually
tragic happening on a sitcom, someone gets cancer and such. No one wants
this, if i want to be depressed, i'll watch a Victoria's Secret commercial,
give me a break.
The ugly chick dancing to Lick It Up at the KISS concert..... it was
horrifying, ask Vocephus, he saw it to.
Skid "Fucking" Row..... Skid "fucking" who?
Godsmack.....I'll give ya a smack you pansy ass AIC rip off.
Creed.... 'nuff said
Lars Ulrich.... I love Metallica, but this faggoty little tennis playing
drummer is pissing me off with his anti-Napster crusade.
Shelly's sister..... threatened to call the cops on me, what a bitch.
And now for a change of pace, stuff I LIKE:
Shelly.... She's beautiful, smart, funny, and I love her to death.
Metallica..... ahhhh...... I love these guys (except Lars) they can still rock
FUCKIN' _//V\\_ E T A L L I C A FOREVER!
Foo Fighters: Dave Grohl proves Nirvana wasn't a fluke
Nirvana: Say what you will about him, Kurt was a great song writer
The Beatles: Fuck Vomit God, The Beatles are still awesome.
Black Sabbath/Ozzy: 'nuff said
Peanut butter: A tasty treat for all occasions
My presentation on Hitler junior year: Brought everyone down after a Disney
presentation, I still relish in the timing.
And finally... WOV, ok, ok, shameless ass kissing to my bro, but, I gotta do
it
Well, thats it for today, I look forward to reporting my new cross country
adventures... to all my friends here in Spring Valley, I'll miss you guys
like crazy, keep in touch, cause i'll be back one day. I love you all..
Mike
Ok, I know its been a while since my last article, but, true genious is worth
the wait. I write this mere hours before my next great adventure into the
mysterious void known as Milwaukee. What magical creatures will I meet? What
horrifying monsters (other then the Brewers) will I encounter? Will I get a
cheese head? Stay tuned to find the answers to all this and more. And now,
more things that suck:
A very special episode of anything....... also known as something unusually
tragic happening on a sitcom, someone gets cancer and such. No one wants
this, if i want to be depressed, i'll watch a Victoria's Secret commercial,
give me a break.
The ugly chick dancing to Lick It Up at the KISS concert..... it was
horrifying, ask Vocephus, he saw it to.
Skid "Fucking" Row..... Skid "fucking" who?
Godsmack.....I'll give ya a smack you pansy ass AIC rip off.
Creed.... 'nuff said
Lars Ulrich.... I love Metallica, but this faggoty little tennis playing
drummer is pissing me off with his anti-Napster crusade.
Shelly's sister..... threatened to call the cops on me, what a bitch.
And now for a change of pace, stuff I LIKE:
Shelly.... She's beautiful, smart, funny, and I love her to death.
Metallica..... ahhhh...... I love these guys (except Lars) they can still rock
FUCKIN' _//V\\_ E T A L L I C A FOREVER!
Foo Fighters: Dave Grohl proves Nirvana wasn't a fluke
Nirvana: Say what you will about him, Kurt was a great song writer
The Beatles: Fuck Vomit God, The Beatles are still awesome.
Black Sabbath/Ozzy: 'nuff said
Peanut butter: A tasty treat for all occasions
My presentation on Hitler junior year: Brought everyone down after a Disney
presentation, I still relish in the timing.
And finally... WOV, ok, ok, shameless ass kissing to my bro, but, I gotta do
it
Well, thats it for today, I look forward to reporting my new cross country
adventures... to all my friends here in Spring Valley, I'll miss you guys
like crazy, keep in touch, cause i'll be back one day. I love you all..
Mike
The Mike Files #5
The 9th of November, in the year of our Lord, 2000.
Ok. it is time to rear my ugly head, yes I have made it to Milwaukee alive,
and the drama is grand. First off, I ended up falling for my friend Sara and
kicking ol' Shelly to the curb, gotta do what I gotta do, or else it just
wouldn't be me. Sara makes a kick ass girlfriend though, I mean, who
wouldn't wanna keep a gal that will go down on you at the movies?
Now for the real fun, I'm running out of places to stay and Sara doesn't have
an apartment yet, which puts my ass either in the cold (AND I MEAN COLD) or a
homeless shelter. Fear not, for as always, I will conquer. Oh yeah, as a
sidebar, I took my new woman's virginity in her parents basement friday
morning, i'm bad :)
I am on a quest for rock and roll in the great white north, and shall not
return without it. I'll see you Vocephites later
Crazy Mike
Ok. it is time to rear my ugly head, yes I have made it to Milwaukee alive,
and the drama is grand. First off, I ended up falling for my friend Sara and
kicking ol' Shelly to the curb, gotta do what I gotta do, or else it just
wouldn't be me. Sara makes a kick ass girlfriend though, I mean, who
wouldn't wanna keep a gal that will go down on you at the movies?
Now for the real fun, I'm running out of places to stay and Sara doesn't have
an apartment yet, which puts my ass either in the cold (AND I MEAN COLD) or a
homeless shelter. Fear not, for as always, I will conquer. Oh yeah, as a
sidebar, I took my new woman's virginity in her parents basement friday
morning, i'm bad :)
I am on a quest for rock and roll in the great white north, and shall not
return without it. I'll see you Vocephites later
Crazy Mike
The Mike Files #6
The 14th of November, in the year of our Lord, 2000.
I would like to publically apologize for my last article. I was a bit angry
when I wrote it, and Shelly deserves better than what she got, hopefully she
can forgive me. I kind of displaced my anger and now I should focus on the
real object of my hatred...... Billy Blanks/Tae Bo!
Ok, it may seem harmless at first, but that was before I solved the mystery
of Tae-Bo. First there is the name itself, reversing the letters in "Tae" you
get "Eat Bo" obviously Billy Blanks has a deep rooted hatred for Bo Jackson,
but why?
For the answer, let us look at the bible in the book of revelations, the
messiah is described as having feet of bronze and hair of wool. Sounds like
Bo Jackson to me folks, so obviously Bo Jackson is our risen savior, which
leads me to conclude that Billy Blanks is the anti-christ himself.
So why the implication of Tae-Bo? Its easy just as Richard Simmons (a,k,a,
Satan) did before him, Billy Blanks has targeted fat people, but why?
Because they have the lowest self esteem and make easy puppets, now, while
Satan bought time by concentrating on useless fat people, Billy Blanks
slipped in with Tae-Bo, a martial arts work out, effectively creating his own
army of darkness. Sure they may be slobs at first, but after a while, they
become mindless servants, with the skills neccesary to wipe out earth and
lead us into a thousand generations of hell.
But all is not lost people, reject Billy Blanks and his false promises. But
be wary of what he says, he hides truths in with his lies. He is right when
he says you'll "feel the burn" the burn of eternal damnation, and so forth.
Brothers and sisters, rise against the dark one, accept Jesus Christ in your
heart, and take back your souls, do it for me, do it for your children but
most of all.... DO IT FOR BO!!!
-Mike
I would like to publically apologize for my last article. I was a bit angry
when I wrote it, and Shelly deserves better than what she got, hopefully she
can forgive me. I kind of displaced my anger and now I should focus on the
real object of my hatred...... Billy Blanks/Tae Bo!
Ok, it may seem harmless at first, but that was before I solved the mystery
of Tae-Bo. First there is the name itself, reversing the letters in "Tae" you
get "Eat Bo" obviously Billy Blanks has a deep rooted hatred for Bo Jackson,
but why?
For the answer, let us look at the bible in the book of revelations, the
messiah is described as having feet of bronze and hair of wool. Sounds like
Bo Jackson to me folks, so obviously Bo Jackson is our risen savior, which
leads me to conclude that Billy Blanks is the anti-christ himself.
So why the implication of Tae-Bo? Its easy just as Richard Simmons (a,k,a,
Satan) did before him, Billy Blanks has targeted fat people, but why?
Because they have the lowest self esteem and make easy puppets, now, while
Satan bought time by concentrating on useless fat people, Billy Blanks
slipped in with Tae-Bo, a martial arts work out, effectively creating his own
army of darkness. Sure they may be slobs at first, but after a while, they
become mindless servants, with the skills neccesary to wipe out earth and
lead us into a thousand generations of hell.
But all is not lost people, reject Billy Blanks and his false promises. But
be wary of what he says, he hides truths in with his lies. He is right when
he says you'll "feel the burn" the burn of eternal damnation, and so forth.
Brothers and sisters, rise against the dark one, accept Jesus Christ in your
heart, and take back your souls, do it for me, do it for your children but
most of all.... DO IT FOR BO!!!
-Mike
The Mike Files #7
The 5th of December, in the year of our Lord, 2000.
Well, I guess the burning topic as of late is my former better half, Shelly's little article. Vomit God voiced his displeasure, and I guess people are waiting for my response, which is (drum roll) I really couldn't care less, aside from being pure teeny bopper trash, and the obvious smugness oozing from it, it doesn't phase me. I found someone I can truly be happy with, that I actually have things in common with, and DOESN'T force me to listen to Christina Aguelera, and pretend it doesn't suck. I'm 120% pure, unadulturated, hormone infused, testosterone soaked, adrenaline forged rock and fuckin' roll to the core, and in the end, Shelly just wasn't right for me, too much a teeny bopper, I love Sara with all my heart and soul, everything is perfect there, plus, she's rock and roll too, you gotta love
her, but, enough of that.
Ok, I have yet to comment on the recent election debacle, I must say, its
bullshit. Al gore is like the whiney kid at recess in elementary school, remember the one that loses at kickball, then complains and tries to change the rules until he gets his way. Same thing here, Gore loses, then complains, and is trying to twist the rules to find a way to win, ok, recount isn't working, so how about we try to use "dimpled ballots" maybe THAT'LL give him enough votes to win, even though basic instructions say you need to make a clear punch mark, or how about we take a revote for everyone that voted for Buchanan. Ok, if you can't read instructions and vote for who you want, you are an IDIOT, I don't wanna entrust the fate of the greatest country in the world to a group of retards. What Gore is trying to do, is screw up a tested system, why have an election if he can sue and change resaults. Might as well have a dictator. Moving on.....
I'd like to comment on Vocephus' old Van Halen article, the man said everything we'd talked about for years with those guys, both him and I have basically been at our wits end about them, now, I was kind of able to tolerate Sammy Hagar at times, then nearly pissed myself when Roth was supposedly back in the band, its about damn time right? WRONG! Publicity stunt, Gary Cherone is in the band which raised the question from EVERYONE who the fuck is Gary Cherone? Guess Van Halen asked that to, and fired him after 1 album, the much lame Van Halen 3. Now, here we are, back where we were after Hagar leaves. And of course, Roth is back supposedly, why aren't there any "sammy is back" rumors? Now its time to think, do we REALLY want Dave back? Remember, Dave circa 2000, is not Dave circa 1984, we want Diamond Dave back, the long haired, spandex clad, jumping and dancing Dave, Dave now is older, and well, balder, sure he can still sing, but, we'll NEVER really see Diamond Dave again. Besides, if they have Dave, no one will want to hear something new, they'll want to hear "Jump" or "Panama", Plus, do we really wanna see Dave sing "Standin' On Top Of the World" or "Right Now"? or GASP! a Cherone song? HELL NO! Van Halen really only has two options, get someone totally new (Eddie, my schedule is open, and I know all the lyrics to "Ain't Talkin' Bout Love") or, maybe, just maybe, its time to hang it up, do a going away concert with all 3 singers, one last chance to "Dance the Night Away" Give us the chance to remember van Halen as it once was, untarnished. To remember Diamond Dave at his finest, with nothing to taint it. Even to remember the "Red Rocker" for what its worth. Leave us with a legacy of kick ass tunes,don't fade away man, don't even burn out, go Supernova, blow the world away one last time, for the fans of old, the fans of new, and the fans
to come. Supernova guys, supernova....
Written by Michael L. Castleberry,
For everyone and no one,
For the faithful and the wavering
For my friends and for my enemies
Remember to go supernova in the end my friends, go with glory, all of you
Well, I guess the burning topic as of late is my former better half, Shelly's little article. Vomit God voiced his displeasure, and I guess people are waiting for my response, which is (drum roll) I really couldn't care less, aside from being pure teeny bopper trash, and the obvious smugness oozing from it, it doesn't phase me. I found someone I can truly be happy with, that I actually have things in common with, and DOESN'T force me to listen to Christina Aguelera, and pretend it doesn't suck. I'm 120% pure, unadulturated, hormone infused, testosterone soaked, adrenaline forged rock and fuckin' roll to the core, and in the end, Shelly just wasn't right for me, too much a teeny bopper, I love Sara with all my heart and soul, everything is perfect there, plus, she's rock and roll too, you gotta love
her, but, enough of that.
Ok, I have yet to comment on the recent election debacle, I must say, its
bullshit. Al gore is like the whiney kid at recess in elementary school, remember the one that loses at kickball, then complains and tries to change the rules until he gets his way. Same thing here, Gore loses, then complains, and is trying to twist the rules to find a way to win, ok, recount isn't working, so how about we try to use "dimpled ballots" maybe THAT'LL give him enough votes to win, even though basic instructions say you need to make a clear punch mark, or how about we take a revote for everyone that voted for Buchanan. Ok, if you can't read instructions and vote for who you want, you are an IDIOT, I don't wanna entrust the fate of the greatest country in the world to a group of retards. What Gore is trying to do, is screw up a tested system, why have an election if he can sue and change resaults. Might as well have a dictator. Moving on.....
I'd like to comment on Vocephus' old Van Halen article, the man said everything we'd talked about for years with those guys, both him and I have basically been at our wits end about them, now, I was kind of able to tolerate Sammy Hagar at times, then nearly pissed myself when Roth was supposedly back in the band, its about damn time right? WRONG! Publicity stunt, Gary Cherone is in the band which raised the question from EVERYONE who the fuck is Gary Cherone? Guess Van Halen asked that to, and fired him after 1 album, the much lame Van Halen 3. Now, here we are, back where we were after Hagar leaves. And of course, Roth is back supposedly, why aren't there any "sammy is back" rumors? Now its time to think, do we REALLY want Dave back? Remember, Dave circa 2000, is not Dave circa 1984, we want Diamond Dave back, the long haired, spandex clad, jumping and dancing Dave, Dave now is older, and well, balder, sure he can still sing, but, we'll NEVER really see Diamond Dave again. Besides, if they have Dave, no one will want to hear something new, they'll want to hear "Jump" or "Panama", Plus, do we really wanna see Dave sing "Standin' On Top Of the World" or "Right Now"? or GASP! a Cherone song? HELL NO! Van Halen really only has two options, get someone totally new (Eddie, my schedule is open, and I know all the lyrics to "Ain't Talkin' Bout Love") or, maybe, just maybe, its time to hang it up, do a going away concert with all 3 singers, one last chance to "Dance the Night Away" Give us the chance to remember van Halen as it once was, untarnished. To remember Diamond Dave at his finest, with nothing to taint it. Even to remember the "Red Rocker" for what its worth. Leave us with a legacy of kick ass tunes,don't fade away man, don't even burn out, go Supernova, blow the world away one last time, for the fans of old, the fans of new, and the fans
to come. Supernova guys, supernova....
Written by Michael L. Castleberry,
For everyone and no one,
For the faithful and the wavering
For my friends and for my enemies
Remember to go supernova in the end my friends, go with glory, all of you
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)