Hail Chocobots

Stolen
by Gandhi Mangler

May 2, 2009


Overshadowed in yesterday's news by Disney/ABC's $35 million investment in hulu.com, the Hasbro toy company has invested $300 million for 50% of the U.S. version of the Discovery Kids channel. Discovery and Hasbro plan to produce shows popular enough to compete with Nickelodeon, Disney, and Cartoon Network, with a re-launch of the channel in the Fall of next year.

Hasbro will form a production company to make shows that re-establish franchises such as My Little Pony and Tonka trucks, as well as capitalize on the G.I. Joe and Transformers movies. Other fare will include new game show versions of their board games, such as "Scrabble, Cranium, and Trivial Pursuit." Trivial Pursuit: America Plays, a syndicated show hosted by Peter from the Brady Bunch, has already ran a full season, and Scrabble was popular in the '80s, with host Chuck Woolery. Lamer fare includes everything that's already being aired on Discovery Kids.

Imagine the possibilities! Candy Land: the series, with Sid & Marty Krofft! NERF, a game show like Guts played with foam sporting equipment! Clue, hosted by Martin Mull! Win, Lose, or Draw with Vickie Lawrence! Tales from the Ouiji Board! The Mr Potato Head Mysteries! The Play-Doh Kids! A silly LARPing show based on Dungeons & Dragons! Risk: The Series! Jenga! Ants in the Pants! Fun shows!

Everybody knows the best kids shows are based on toys . . . everybody except the people at Campaign for a Commerical-Free Childhood. They released a statement, reproduced in full here:

Today, toymaker Hasbro Inc and the cable-TV programmer Discovery Channel announced that they will form a joint venture to create a TV network and website with new programming based on Hasbro brands such as My Little Pony, Tonka, and G.I. Joe. The following is the statement of CCFC Director Dr. Susan Linn:

This partnership represents a new low in children’s television, a network devoted to showing infomercials for Hasbro’s toys and games. It will make a mockery of existing ad limits and the current prohibition of product placement in children’s television.

The planned network is the latest indication that the deregulation of children’s television has been an unmitigated disaster for children and families; no longer do companies feel compelled to even pretend that their programming is beneficial for children or about anything but pushing product. We hope that the FCC takes a long, hard look at this new venture as they consider whether their current restrictions on embedded advertising are adequate to protect children.

New low in children's television? Has Dr Susan Linn never seen It's Academic or Saved by the Bell: The New Class?

Protect children? If that was the aim, there wouldn't be a television anywhere but the master bedroom! Protect them from what, fun toys that develop the imagination?

Restrictions on embedded advertising? Has Dr Susan Linn never heard of a puppet named Elmo? Dora the Explorer practically has her own aisle at Toys 'R' Us, the one that used to belong to Spongebob, Pokemon, Barney, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, He-Man!

The name of the organization is as absurd as the statement. They're campaigning against ad campaigns. They're promoting the idea to stop promotions. The desired profit from their work is to end profit.

There is value in fun, a great value.


When The Hasbro Channel proves successful, is there any doubt that Mattel will follow? Imagine new cartoons featuring Hot Wheels, Barbie, He-Man, and Matchbox! The Mattel-Mars Chocobot Hour could actually happen!

If I were eight years old, I'd be very excited.