Things We Don’t Care About Anymore, 2009 edition

by The One Armed Bandit


“Well, guess who's back in circulation?
Now, I don't know what you may have heard”

-David Lee Roth, “Yankee Rose”


It’s true, it’s damn true, after 6 long years, the WoV makes a triumphant return, akin to the second coming of Christ. Now to be fair, none of us ever expected to come back… actually, I kinda stopped caring entirely… but, much like an annual Saw movie release, apathy is no reason to not bring back a website that only us, our friends, some family… and the faithful *3 readers (the fourth reader tragically dying of swine flu).


Now, I know what you all must be thinking “so much has happened in 6 years, how can the WoV stay relevant, hip, with it and what not.” How can we recapture lightning in a bottle? I myself think back, to the humble origins of said website, the summer of 2000, and realise we are now approaching the summer of 2009, and I am a very different person, yet, somehow the same.

Since there hasn’t been in update in over half a decade, I decided to, well, rip off Vocephus to be honest, and do a new version of “Things We Don’t Care About Anymore” for my first article. Trust me, he had it coming, he stole my best joke for the roast years back.

So, without further ado…

Things We Don’t Care About Anymore, 2009 edition.


Terrorism- Apparently not catching Bin Laden yet is a good a reason as any to stop giving a damn and trying to find him anymore. Anything worth doing, is worth doing half assed I guess.

Iraq-Once the economy hit, Iraq fell to the wayside, as the hip, new “in” thing for America to be afraid of and pissed off about shoved it to the D-List. Recession is the new black.


Eskimos-Who am I kidding, no one EVER cared about those lazy snow backs.

SARS-

      “Dear SARS,

                This is how it’s done, pussy. 

                           -sincerely,

                                        Swine Flu”  

Drinking coffee creamers at 7-11-Granted, that’s a little old, but Vocephus and I are the only people I know who have been asked to leave a 7-11 for hanging around the coffee creamers and drinking them just because they were free.

The Altaire 6- A gimmick band that only appealed to members of said band.


Joe Cartoon-That guy STILL does stuff?


Star Wars-Thanks a lot Mr.Lucas. Bastard


Racism-The president is black, one of the best NBA players is Chinese, latinos becoming more powerful in U.S. politics show that minorities won racism. Eskimos still useless.

George Bush-That was a long fuckin’ 8 years, wasn’t it?

John McCain-HA! HA ! HA! HA! HA!

Sarah Palin-See John McCain.


And finally….

The WoV- Really? Did anyone care anymore?